Lukie Games

Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle (NES)

2011-12-25T21:00:00.001-05:00

The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle (Grammar fail?) is a palette swap of a game based on the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit created by Kemco. The exact reasoning for this game and it’s subsequent sequels existence is purely due to a rights dispute in which Kemco lost the rights to Who Framed Roger Rabbit and had to find a way of sending a game overseas somehow. Just as all seemed bleak for them they attained the rights to the Looney Tunes and swapped all of the characters from the movie with lookalike characters from the Looney Tunes, they would keep this trend going into this games many sequels and more or less every subsequent game they would ever make. The first of this series of games I ever played was the second one and not the first so imagine my surprise to realize that the sequel was much better then the original, though this is more likely due to them both being palette swaps of different games, though that’s a story for another day.

Who Framed Bugs Bunny?

The premise of the game is that you are Bugs Bunny and you are attempting to traverse the Crazy Castle and reach you’re transvestite other half (?).

My mind can’t comprehend this.

I’m sorry I grew up on the Looney Tunes and I’ve seen Bugs dress in drag far to many times for me to ever take any kind of creature which looks even similar to him to ever not be him. For all I know he may be looking into some sort of fun house mirror, or maybe, just maybe the reason the game is called “The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle” is because HE’S crazy! Just sayin’.

JUST SAYIN’!

I digress though, you go through many seemingly identical levels in the game while being inessentially pursued by other iconic characters from the Looney Tunes like Sylvester, Foghorn Leghorn, and Yosemite Sam, all of which may be partially retarded as at certain points they kind of spaz out and instead of flat out murdering the hell out of you they just decide to walk away instead allowing you to complete the level. On any given level there may be multiple’s of these characters and very often they will each be a different color which I assume is due to the game wanting you to have a better grasp of the location of where each of these guys who are trying to kill you are located. The objective of any given level is to collect all of the carrots which are placed all over the levels seemingly at random, and once you have grabbed all of the carrots you win the level and Bugs does a really weird dance involving waving his arms.

The controls are basic, you have the ability to ascend stairs and ramps, and if you pick up a fist get the ability to use that to kill one of the enemies who are trying to murder you, there are other less common items like the ink bottle which makes you invincible for a brief period of time but the fist will be the weapon you will see the most often. The only other way of killing any enemy is to drop one of the many objects strewn throughout the stage, to actually drop the objects you have to push it off a ledge onto an enemy below you. The actual task of knocking an object on the enemy can be difficult or hard depending on how fast you are moving and the item in which you are trying to drop, I’ve noticed that when you run at an item and hit it the item will usually move 2-3 spaces instead of 1, I’ve also noticed that some lighter objects like the bucket will usually move 2 spaces instead of 1. One thing I must mention is the players ability to ascend and descend from stairs is kinda bad, it’s reminiscent of the stair climbing problems the first Castlevannia had in which once you were on those stairs you were dedicated to going up or down.

I can’t say much for the graphics/animations of the game but for a relatively simplistic platformer with no real story or true premise aside from being something quickly slapped together by Kemco in order to get a game Stateside. The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle is an alright game, it by no means is perfect. Honestly though I would not really recommend this game unless you truly are a collector or you want to experience a game with no content. This game may be fairly solid mechanics-wise but it isn’t something the average gamer would really want to play unless they are into collecting or really want to play a Bugs Bunny game. I bought this game a long time ago and I go back to play it once in a while… yet I never really feel fulfilled playing it; I attribute all it’s problems to the fact that the game is obviously a rushed job of a poorly palette swapped game.

TL;DR : Buy this only if you are a collector or like Bugs Bunny.

Pokémon Gold and Silver (GBC)

2011-12-24T21:16:00.001-05:00

How do you measure its worth?

If there has ever been any constant over the course of this life of mine its my love of Pokémon. I recall many fond memories playing the Gen I games, thwarting Team Rockets plans, defeating the Elite Four, and catching Mewtwo those were good times and being the nostalgic person that I am the first generation of Pokémon will always be regarded as perfect in my memory. Two years after devoting every fiber of my being towards the goal of being a Pokémon master Pokémon Gold and Silver were released, naturally I snagged both copies of the games and was completely taken in by the games. The rest of the year 2000 would be spent beating the games and trying once again to become the greatest Pokémon master there ever was.

Pokémon Gold and Silver released on October 15, 2000 to North American audiences is commonly regarded as being the superior to Red, Blue, and Yellow as many improvements were made to the game in regards to graphics, sound, and battle mechanic. The many concepts and facets introduced in this game would set a precedent for all subsequent games to improve upon.

In Pokémon Gold and Silver just as in the Red and Blue your ultimate objective remains the same, and that is to become the Pokémon Master. To go about doing this you need to catch all of the Pokémon and defeat all of the Gym Leaders of both the Johto and Kanto regions and the Elite Four. There are an additional 100 Pokémon along with the 151 from the previous generation of games, however to catch them all you will need to trade Pokémon in order to catch them all as in Gold and Silver there are certain Pokémon with whom you need to trade between games as they are exclusives. In order to get any of the legendaries from the first generation you will need to trade for them, this includes Mewtwo, Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos, some minor Pokémon you may need to get from previous games as well though for the most part it is only the legendaries from the first generation that you truly need to trade for. Below is a chart showing the version exclusive Pokémon between Gold and Silver compliments of Bulbapedia.

I shall now discuss the improvements Gold and Silver made to the series as a whole, the first of which is the ability for Pokémon to hold items. The item holding mechanic adds further depth to the battle system as the items have the capacity to either heal of increase/decrease offensive or defensive strength of the Pokémon according to whatever item you are holding. I shall give only several item examples as there are many and accounting for them all would only make this unnecessarily long.

Held Item Examples:

Quick Claw: When held by a Pokémon it gives it a 20% of going first
Leftovers: Restores 1/16 of a Pokémon's Maximum HP at the end of every turn while held
Berserk Gene: Confuses the user and Raises Attack. One time use.

By using held items it revolutionized the entire battle system by making it so that you need to account for the effects of an item prior to choosing an attack or switching a Pokémon. For an in depth look at the core battle mechanic see my previous review of Pokémon Red, Blue, and Yellow.

Pokémon Types received additions in this game these were the Dark Type and Steel type which were included in order to help balance the battle system as in the previous games the Psychic type was incredibly over powerful and the fighting type was never really used. Some balancing issues were assessed and type effectiveness was changed for several typing's that were unbalanced at the time.

One of the greater aspects of the game is that it has a built in internal clock and by taking this step into reality it changes how one goes about catching Pokémon. As time changes in the real world it changes according to the set time in the game and the in game world shifts through day, afternoon, and night. The differing times of the day indicate what Pokémon you will catch in certain areas, this also opens up the realm of night and day Pokémon such as Hoothoot and Noctowl who only ever appears at night. Another interesting mechanic that sadly hasn’t been fleshed out since it’s inception is the concept of the time of day deciding evolution, Evee gained two new evolutions Umbreon and Espeon to evolve into the former it would need to be night while the latter would need it to be day time. The time function did not only extend to the Pokémon with whom you encounter it also encompassed what shops would be open in the Goldenrod Underground as on certain day you would have the old woman selling medicine and on others you would have one of the Pokémon groomers who will make your Pokémon like you more by grooming them.

Morning, Day and Night respectively.

Another interesting bit is the Bug catching contest (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday) and S.S.Aqua ( both of which have certain days in which you can interact with them. The Bug Catching contest is a contest in which you attempt to catch the largest bug and receive a prize based on your placement. The S.S. Aqua is a boat which will take you from one region to the next which you can only catch at certain ports on certain days, while on it you can battle a plethora of trainers who will always be raring to fight now matter how many times you ride the boat.

I hope he has his swim trunks.

Graphics wise Pokémon Gold and Silver are superior to the previous games in every facet as the game not only is in color but the sprites and battle sprites are greatly detailed in comparison to the previous games. It is safe to say that the game is far more aesthetically pleasing as many of the ingame sprites better resemble what they were intended to be, tree’s resemble trees, grass resembles grass, but voltorb still look like Poke balls. The battle sprites look infinitely better then they did in the previous games and all the attacks now have unique battle animations which all look absolutely great. Remember those ugly back sprites which barely resembled the Pokémon? Well those are gone and now we have back sprites that actually look alright!

Pokémon Gold and Silver for it’s time was incredibly revolutionary for a sequel and improved upon almost every facet of the series while retaining the main purpose of the series. In my opinion Gen II stands as the most important point in the evolution of the series as all of the important additions to Gold and Silver have remained in all of its successors unlike Gen III and Gen IV in which both had many of their unique additions abandoned at the doorstep. Both Pokémon Gold and Silver use time as a game mechanic which increases replay value as only certain Pokémon and certain events can occur at night or during the day which essentially forces any player to have to keep up with their playing if they want to experience every aspect of the game and catch all of the Pokémon. Gold and Silver just like it’s predecessors has some quirky humor as you can examine practically anything and hear some sort of comment on it along with the dialog of the NPC’s which is always good fun. Overall if you liked the previous three games you will most likely fall in love with the second round of games, they are easily worth the $10-$20 that they can be found for and I’d highly recommend getting them.

Bonus:

Early Concept Art for Pokémon Silver and Gold

Japanese Official Site for Pokémon Silver and Gold

North American Official Site for Pokémon Silver and Gold

Adventures in Unlicensed Games: Spiritual Warfare (NES, Gameboy)

2011-12-24T15:57:00.001-05:00

Well gang, it's Christmas time! Today we'll be discussing Wisdom Tree's "Spiritual Warfare" for the NES. I had a fun time reviewing it - it's a pretty wacky game with a crazy premise. I know that Bible games have been done to death online, the Angry Video Game Nerd did four excellent episodes on the matter, and they can be a touchy subject for a few - but in this review I'm tackling a game that actually has a few great highlights. While it's not the best game in the world, it has its merits. I poke a little fun but am not out to hurt anyone's feelings so I've reeled the unabashed sarcasm in a bit. Hope you guys & gals enjoy and have a safe and happy holiday!
- Chris

The term "spiritual warfare" evokes many images in the mind. Take for example: The Crusades. A bloody chunk of history where religious wars raged in the late 1000's up until nearly the 1300's. How about the battle that has raged in the Middle East between Palestinians and Jews for as far back as anyone can remember? In truth, people have been killing one another over beliefs shortly after the first two people looked up at the night sky observing the majesty of the cosmos and disagreed vehemently on how and/or why it came into existence. That's perhaps a bit of an oversimplification; often politics, land disputes, economics and the rise and fall of empires have more to do with supposed religious warfare than simply the opponent's deity of choice. It is, however, a motivation when it comes to conflict between nations, sects, tribes, etc.

A quick Google search of the term "spiritual warfare" also brings up a much different meaning - a blanket war against evil. It could be as simple as the spiritual conflicts within one's self - IE: the kind of stuff that Ronnie James Dio would sing about. More often than not it's a term that describes the actions of die-hard, unwavering, radically conservative Christian leaders (the kind that really seemed to spring up in the early 80's with folks like Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swaggert, Jerry Fallwell, and the Bakkers.) The kinda folks who would tell you that your kids can't watch Teletubbies because Tinky-Winky is a symbol for gay pride, or that Harry Potter is a Satanic abomination and an icon for the Occult. Spiritual warfare is about keeping out "evil influences" in order to live a better life. So hide your Quija boards, Marilyn Manson records, skateboards, black clothing, and video games because the fun police just arrived!

That is, unless your video games are made by developer Wisdom Tree! Wisdom Tree is a small independent game development house that would make Christian themed games that would be sold in Christian bookstores. An interesting fact is that Wisdom Tree is a branch of game developer Color Dreams which also released such wholesome games as "Robodemons" and "Menace Beach" (but I'll save those wonderful games for another time.) Wisdom Tree, Color Dreams, and Bunch Games (another branch of C.D.) have a reputation for putting out sub par games that had to be released unlicensed, presumably because Nintendo had fairly strict content policies and religious references were certainly one of them - as well as policies against games that consistently look like they were made by a third grader. Nevertheless, Wisdom Tree released the game Spiritual Warfare in 1992. This is the kind of game that Stewart from "Beavis and Butthead" or the Flanders kids from "The Simpsons" would have loved!

They don't look too eager to hear
"the good news."

The first thing you'll notice if you've played any of the other Wisdom Tree games is that the graphics aren't all that bad. They are certainly a marked improvement over some of the old Color Dreams games like Robodemons. Also, with most of these Wisdom Tree games you have the joy of guessing which game (Color Dreams or popular licensed game) that this game is trying to emulate. In the case of Bible Adventures, the game plays a lot like Super Mario Bros. 2. Some of the Wisdom Tree games like Sunday Funday are just retooled versions of older Color Dreams games. In the case of Spiritual Warfare, it's an awful lot like Legend of Zelda. Let's face it, there's a lot worse games that you could base your knock-off game on and for the most part Wisdom Tree does a good job. Remember the old man who would give you advice, items, etc? Well, here it's an angel and you trade in doves as currency for different varieties of the "fruit of spirit." The menu screen looks similar, the level design and perspectives are similar, and overall the game has some of the fun elements of Zelda without some of the frustrating difficulty.

Look kids! It's...kinda like...Zelda?

So what is the aim of Spiritual Warfare, you ask? To convert the dirty, wicked heathens in your neighborhood and collect the six pieces of the "Armor of God." These pieces of armor are scattered around the game and collecting them will help you access otherwise inaccessible areas. For an unlicensed game, there are actually quite a few different kinds of enemies - though it's often a mystery why they need saving. Sure, the gang members carrying around switchblades certainly could use a little guidance at the very least. But why is the kid with the basketball committing a sin? The kid playing hide and seek? The boy with the ice cream bar? Construction workers? What sins are these people committing that they are in such need of a spiritual awakening? I suppose that's the blessing and curse (some puns intended) of having so many different enemies is that they don't entirely make sense. I suppose if everyone were a thug, a drunk, and a prostitute this game would feel very lazy. At least half or better of the enemies in the early parts of the game can be saved with one quick toss of a "fruit of Spirit." The further you advance in the game, the more you should upgrade you fruit in order to convert those who need a little "extra convincing." Those who instead spit a demon out of their heads will take an extra piece of fruit or perhaps a vial of God's wrath. That's right. A little boy running around trying to preach the gospel carries around vials of God's wrath that he can toss at strangers like a bomb and turn them into doves. I think this kid is taking "spiritual warfare" a little too literally. This ain't 'Nam, this is suburbia! Overall though, the gameplay is actually kind of fun if you get into it.

Perhaps it's not the most religiously tolerant way of going about things...

Every once in a while an angel will come down from the sky and test your Biblical trivia. For the most part these questions are a cinch even to those fairly unfamiliar with the stories in the Bible. Basically, your best bet is to guess the most "common sense" guess imaginable. Sure, there are a handful of comical answers you can provide but just assume that Satan didn't say that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven. The benefit of answering these Sunday school questions is to gain more doves, thus being able to afford more powerful fruit against the infidels you're supposed to be saving.

I said, "What does Pontius Pilate look like?!"

Not unlike the other Wisdom Tree games, there are a handful of frustrating moments in this game. For starters, if you instinctively know which direction you should be heading then the game is rather linear. However, if not - you can find yourself walking around in circles. I played the game three times before I bothered to talk to the boy with the balloon and grab the belt underground instead of walking around aimlessly blowing up gangsters and sugar-high children with God's mighty wrath. It's easier to get lost in the city, especially with the construction workers blocking your path and just how big the city really is. Friendly advice - don't go to the bar. Not even if you want a Pepsi and your intentions are simply to convert the wicked drunks inside. You'll be chastised by an irate angel and he'll steal your gear. Oh, and this can lead to areas where you can get trapped. I don't really know how I did it, but I believe it was in the suburbs area where I went through a little maze and blocked myself in with falling pillars. I didn't go and recollect my belt of truth before entering the room and couldn't move the pillars, blow them up, or anything else. I had a "pray" option in my menu but it didn't do much good. For a kid who can throw around God's wrath willy-nilly, he sure doesn't have a direct enough line to the big man to help him out of a pickle like that. Another problem which, let's face it, many NES games suffered from is annoying music. The first time you hear that valiant and triumphant hymnal - it pumps you up for some religiously fueled justice. However, by minute 10 you're tired of hearing this song and have to mute the game lest you go insane. Though truth be told, and I know this is heresy (puns intended,) but the original Zelda theme can get grating at times as well. The other sound effects are decent enough - the bomb explosion is actually really impressive for a game that would otherwise be classed by some as a D-list knock-off game.

"So if I chuck this pear at a gang member, he's gonna see the light?"

So how does Spiritual Warfare stack up overall? The premise is insane and more than mildly offensive to non-Christians if you break it down to its core concept, the music is grating at best, but overall it's a game that's hard to put down. Unlike some of the other unlicensed games I have this is one that I keep coming back to! The gameplay is fairly solid (because it's essentially a watered down Zelda) and while it has some level of challenge, it's easy enough to pick up and play for a half hour and kill some time. I would recommend this game (and not even in an entirely ironic way, either.) Folks like me are bound to enjoy it for the absurdity and mildly disturbing premise (and it's the kind of game Moral Orel would be crazy for!) Folks who are more religiously minded might find this a good game for their children. Do I think that blowing up non-believers with the wrath of God is a great message for children? Heck no. However, if you want your children to pick up some bible study questions and stimulate them with a video game in the process, this just might do the trick.

The Wall $treet Kid (NES)

2011-12-21T01:40:00.001-05:00

The Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) has a very diverse array of games and I guess it wouldn’t be to far off to understand that there would be games of varying themes and genres, but there comes a point when I must put my foot down and say “No Nintendo, that is NOT a game!” however in order to do that I would need to go back in time twenty odd years or so to tell them that it’s an awful idea to allow it to be published. Though lets get to the meat of the situation, The Wall $treet Kid was created by SOFEL a Japanese company that for a brief period of time in the late 80’s and early 90’s made a bunch of lackluster mediocre games. Wall $treet Kid and Casino Kid are their most notable titles which screams volumes for how great their games were to begin with.

Clearly a household name.

The premise of the game is that you are the character whose name we do not know aside from the fact that his last name is Benedict is heir to a vast fortune left to him by his now deceased uncle, but, he must first prove himself before he is given the money that is his destiny to obtain. Over the course of the game you have to jump through several financial hurdles over a several month period, the first of which is that you need to purchase a mansion, to do this you need to double your starting money by playing the stock market, this all winds down with you purchasing a castle and getting your inheritance.

He’s eerily giddy about all this. :/

Before I go on about the gameplay let me make it known to you that this game has no story to it aside from the beginning and the end, those are your two story elements aside from a brief moment in between that isn’t particularly significant.

Thanks, dick!

Stocks and the stock market are the core of the gameplay and you will focus mostly on them over the course of the game. The stocks in the game constantly fluctuate on a daily basis and for the most part you have to use your gut to decide where to invest your money in order to turn a profit. The newspaper will every day inform you of what business’s are on the up and and up (though it’s usually not a good idea to invest in stocks that have already increased in value by a lot), your other source of information is Connie who will sell you information on what stock will most likely see profits over the next couple of days or lose profits (this is called insider trading and is illegal by the way, not to say that the game will penalize you about it :/ ). You at any point over the course of a day have the option of buying or selling stocks or just looking over your portfolio, you can also talk to Stanley a man who will be the instruction manual for the stock market, you pay him money, he blathers about how it works. Another way of getting money in the game is by taking a loan out at the bank which you can invest in the stock market, though this can only be done once you have your house and even then you have to pay the bank back 105% of the loan by the end of the month.

Not Shown: The clause that says that if you don’t pay on time they break your legs.

The other to facets of the game are your girlfriend and your health. Your girlfriend will require attention which can be given by taking her out to places ever so often, if you do not take her anywhere for a while or purchase her any of the gifts she demands she will ultimately wind up leaving you and you will receive a game over (more on this later). Your girlfriend (named Prisila the Pricy Prima Donna[seriously]) will periodically call you up about buying her things like a dog or a car, buy them. You may be wondering why I advise you to buy these things, well it is because her marrying you is imperative to getting the inheritance (yeah that was a bombshell to me as well) so it is imperative that you keep her happy. Now your health is another important thing though unlike Prisila you only have to go to the gym every so often to accommodate that. If you don’t exercise for a while you will get a game over, yep that’s it.

The game has surprisingly good graphics and character designs even for a later life-span NES title, though this is countered by that fact that there are no moving animations. Music-wise the game’s tunes are kinda droll and while I played through the game they wound up becoming white noise, though while I noticed it I didn’t enjoy it.

The Wall $treet Kid isn’t a great game unless you are interested in the stock market, I personally found it amusing for a little while but overall can’t say I really enjoyed the game aside from the couple of hours I spent contemplating the amount of douchieousity the main character Mr.Benedict must have to look the way he does. The game is lackluster and playing the stock market is tedious and if you make any mistakes you inevitably wind up with a game over which for me at least was very common. If you really want to play the game, then do so only if you are a collector or feel like derping out on a simulator of the real life stock market.

I want to punch him in the face.

Below I am including a very special guide for those who actually want to play the game and don’t understand some of the jargon you will notice them mention things like “Blue Chip” is on the rise or something well this is what each of those terms mean in regards to companies:

Blue Chip
ATNT: A communications company that once nearly had a monopoly, and now must compete for market share due to competition.
Boing: Very strong domestic and export manufacturer of airplanes. Excellent track record.
Xearox: Strong, innovative producer of copying machines that dominated the market for several years. Also performs financial services.
YBM: A dominant player in the home computer market. Now has to compete with Yapple.
Yapple: Has very strong new product lines, and is capable of substantial growth.

Speculative
Bethleham Steel: Despite new management, a recession, and industry uncertainty, BS is showing profit.
Chryer: Received low interest loans to help it back on the road to profitability.
Pan Mam Airlines: Former giant, now has high debt and low assets. Sales are high but so are losses.
Strayhound Buses: Once a major bus line, the division was sold in order to switch over to the manufacture of consumer products.
Teradying: Made recent acquisitions that help its market position, but losses are still shown.

Cyclical
Carnivore Cruise Lines: Growth-oriented transportation and entertainment company that has expanded into hotels and travel.
Centipede Construction: Builds large construction machinery. Building surge has resulted in increased profits but recession may hurt.
Coughman & Broad: Florida's number one home builder, dabbles in foreign contracting as well. Insurance division not profitable.
Marrinot Hotels: Successful family-run hotel chain that is expanding into the restaurant business. Large assets.
Rattel Toys: Sales are high, but seasonal. Demand depends on consumer's disposable income.

Growth
American Depress: Financial services company with high value and strong growth.
Exconrail: A company trying to go straight and get its kids back, it's now a railroad leader and looking to expand to other industries.
Firedman's Fund: Successful insurance firm. Looking to expand into other areas.
Reebucks International: On the way to being the number one footwear manufacturer, but has high debt.
Charles Schlob: Large, discount securities firm that was recently bought back by its founder and is experiencing much success.

Holiday Shopping tips: How to Identify bootleg DS games

2011-12-20T01:15:00.001-05:00

RP for Radically … Poor?

With the Holiday shopping season hitting full swing and many clamoring to get those last minute deals before Christmas it is now more so then any other point that people are more susceptible to accidentally buying a bootleg game. The internet is the prime suspect for perpetuating these fakes most notably Ebay and iOffer which are both poorly policed for people or groups which sell bootleg copies of any product. Typically the games are offered at unbelievable prices or set up as auctions where they wind up selling for significantly more then the game normally sells for. A prime example of games going for that which they are not valued at is the Pokémon series of games; the Pokémon DS series of games will often be found floating around one of the auction websites for prices ranging from $5-$10 or start an auction at .99 cents.

I’m obviously Masochistic.

I being a glutton for punishment purchased several of these bootleg games to better gauge the quality of them at this juncture. As I mentioned in my previous review the quality of bootleg games are increasing and to the untrained eye very often a bootleg game will pass under the radar long after it had been purchased and it’s warranty or return period has expired. The game can experience no end of problems ultimately dependent on the quality of the fake purchased, these problems are not limited to:

Contact Issues: When inserting the game it will not be noticed or read by the Nintendo DS.
Save Corrupting: After a period of time averaged at around two months or so the save may corrupt and you will lose all your data.
Incompatibility: The DSi, DSi XL, and 3DS will not read the game and in most situations will give you an error message.
DOA: if the fake is of exceptionally poor quality the game will be dead on arrival.
Poor Build Quality: As with a DOA bootleg the quality of the game may be poor enough that instead of utilizing flash memory the game may instead use a battery which will inevitably run dry. Commonly the bootleg will be made of materials which are of subpar quality.

There are other a great deal of other possible problems but these are the most notable ones and the ones most commonly encountered in the purchase of a bootleg game.

Now that I have turned you away from the prospect of knowingly purchasing a bootleg game I shall now explain how to identify aforementioned game. We shall begin by discussing the Label as that is commonly the first thing you will see (in assuming the game you purchase does not come with a case). The first and most telling feature of a fake game in general is the wrong art on the game, very often bootleggers will take the art from the cover and just shrink it down to label size and slap it on there.

It’s like they don’t even try sometimes.

It is imperative that before the purchase of a game off a non-reputable site that you familiarize yourself with the label arts for the games and the cover art for the case so you can spot early on whether the game is a fake or not. A google search will usually yield the desired results and if upon doing the search you feel wary of the game then I recommend contacting the seller and asking to return the game.

Now upon further examination of the label you should see the following in these EXACT places:

In the lower Left Corner the games rating (i.e. E, E10+, T, M, etc)
In the lower Right Official Nintendo Seal
On the very top you should see Nintendo DS ™
In between the rating and the seal you should see any other marking indicative to whatever company published or made it (i.e. The Pokemon Company, SEGA, etc.).
At the bottom should be a code that begins with NTR and ends with USA, and example would be Pokemon SoulSilver’s code which would be NTR-IPGE-USA

Ballin'

Before advancing to the back of the cartridge lets look at the label as a whole. Is the label off kilter? Is the label a little to round? Is the label just not there? These three things are signs of a fake as real Nintendo DS games have their labels factory cut and pressed.

Now onto the back of the cartridge, on the back you should see embossed into the back of the game the Nintendo Logo, the code NTR-005 PAT. PEND., and below that you should see a code in ink that may fade over time so you will have to shine light on it at an angle to see it. The code will be nine alpha-numeric digits that make up the games serial code and will ALWAYS be on the cartridge. Typically fake cartridges will be lacking in all three of those marking on the back of the game, however some high quality bootlegs will have often have the Nintendo logo and NTR code embossed on the back, though very often they will be larger then they should be. In my experience I have never encountered a bootleg with the ink serial code below the NTR code, so that can be a telling feature of a bootleg game.

Now if by this point you have not found anything out of the ordinary you will have to look at the games contacts to see if there is a serial code of varying digits or if it only has the words “Nintendo” on it. This is a slightly more unreliable way of telling, because there are Nintendo DS games that do have either of those two on them. Typically if the game does not have the serial code you can consider it a fake. Just use this means of checking with a grain of salt as unlike GBA games you cannot just pop open the game and check the board for the logo and code and know its legit. Fake DS games will always label the board with the Nintendo logo, which is why you, depending on the game, have a 50/50 chance of being right in using this method in determining the legitimacy of the game.

The best way to avoid getting a bootleg game is to exercise both caution and prevention. On Ebay and other websites you will notice that some items are being sold in countries they are not native to and this is generally a warning flag for a bootlegger, the usual culprit will be Hong Kong, China as it would appear they mass produce bootlegs and set up many identical accounts to sell off their goods. These bootleg games will usually be sold without their original cases and instead will be sold in tiny plastic cases. Another warning flag you will notice is the awkward descriptions that will be given to describe the product they are selling;

Example:

“The game is used, 100% new,
no box and manual,only cartridge,Games are in English.
This game has been tested carefully and found to be working perfectly! Please assured to buy. If you encounter any problem,please feel free to contact us. we are here to assist you at any time!Thanks

English Version
Play on any Nintendo NDS or NDS Lite or ndsi or 3ds”

Oh and all cases should have Nintendo DS embossed in it.

It is not to say that they aren’t cooperative when you attempt to return the game, but you should avoid purchasing english games from countries that are not english speaking. I advise exercising the same amount of caution as recommended in my previous shopping tips, i.e. don’t buy games from places that you are not native to or have dubious/awkward descriptions.

Well Have a Happy Holidays!

8-bit Board Games Pt.1: Pictionary (NES)

2011-12-18T16:38:00.004-05:00

Well, the holidays are now here! Some of you guys and gals are outta school/university for at least a week or two and some of ya'll might even be off of work in the next few days! Lucky. With the holidays and New Year's Eve fast approaching, you've got to get your last minute ducks in a row before the parties begin! I'm not talking about the kind with all of your aunts, uncles and cousins either! I'm talking about the parties where far too much egg-nog is consumed, your brother mixes up a batch of his "special brownies," and your best friend's wife is sitting in the corner discussing the pros and cons of the G.O.P nominees with the floor lamp. She always was a dingbat.

With holiday parties coming up, you have to decide what kind of party you're going to throw this year. Is it going to be that same, tired old party where you set out a bowl of mixed nuts and a cheese platter, put on some "Christmas with Kenny G," and nurse a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon until the ringing of jingle bells stops in your head? Perhaps you'll bust out some cards or board games and entertain your guests with the hilarity and wit of Trivial Pursuit the 1982 edition. I've got a suggestion that'll totally knock the stockings off your mantel - steal a page from the hipsters this year. That's right - bust out the NES, dust off your Buddy Holly glasses, and crack into some digital board games and join the rest of us in the late 20th century! Today we're going to weigh the pros and cons of two similar video board games: the legendary Pictionary and Rare's Anticipation.

Pictionary: The Legend of the Artistically Handicapped

While I like to think that I'm not the dimmest bulb in the box, (doesn't everybody?) I realize that as a kid I was extremely naive. My parents and their friends would get together and have parties very similar to the ones I mentioned previously. Cheese trays, bean dip, board games, bad hair, and Cosby sweaters. It's hard to believe that crap carried over into the early 90s - but more on that later. We would all sit around and crack into games like Jenga or Trivial Pursuit, but as soon as Pictionary came out it was time for the kids to leave the room and let the grown-ups play. I always associated something sinister or bawdy with the game. Are they sitting around drawing up diagrams from the Kama Sutra? Is my mother such a bad artist that her trees look like something a bit more Fraudian? Later on in life I played the game and realized what it is that my folks were keeping us from. Themselves. That's right, cracking out Pictionary was the international symbol for "go play with your toys, we're sick of having you underfoot." Not surprisingly, it worked.

The Cinemax of board games

Little did they know that the rental section of the grocery store around the corner got a copy of LJN's 1990 port of that raunchy, adult board game known as Pictionary. That's right, I was about to play the Devil's game and find out what it's like to be a man. I braced myself, held my breath, and put the cart into my NES.

and...

Blinking red light.

"Damnit!" I exclaimed, pounding my ten year old fist on my night stand. I took the game out, blew a healthy amount of spittle into the bottom of the cart and finally got to access the game so scandalous it was bound to earn me a spot next to Lucifer in the fiery pits of the underworld.

The first thing you'll notice when popping in Pictionary is the rockin' soundtrack. It's funny, I had just gotten finished playing Cobra Triangle right before I plugged Pictionary in to replay for this review and realized that the opening themes are actually similarly thrashy. Sure, it ain't Slayer - but it's pretty rocking for an 8-bit instrumental theme song, especially one from notorious song recyclers LJN. Speaking of which, at one point in the game they actually have a midified sound-a-like of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust." That's really friggin' awesome. The graphics are another matter altogether. While the game pieces, mini games and game board are colorful, well drawn, and decently animated - the images you are supposed to guess are crude at best, downright mystifying at worst. But more on that later...

It's a cafeteria lady's food cart?!

I'm surprised to be saying this about an LJN project (seeing as so many have a reputation for being lousy,) but the gameplay in Pictionary is actually pretty innovative in a way. That's not to say it doesn't have some glaring flaws - but I'll get to that in a minute. You start out with three different options - the A Game where you have a series of minigames to complete, the B Game where your teams guess what one team is trying to draw in a limited amount of time, and finally, a drawing practice option. The most fun with a group (and after all, why I'm recommending it for holiday parties,) lies in the "Alternative game." This is the one where you assign someone the task of drawing a picture and have members from each team try to guess what it is. Why this is considered the "alternative game" when that's the plot of the board game is a complete and total mystery to me, but irrelevant. Make sure to have everyone try their hands at drawing practice for a few minutes first because trying to operate the drawing mechanism in Pictionary is akin to working an etch-a-sketch one handed. It's not something you would consider satisfying to draw with but it certainly will give your guests a bunch of laughs as everyone tries to figure out how the heck that squiggly mess is supposed to be a rabbit.

The A Game is the most innovative section of Pictionary on the NES and also the most challenging/frustrating. Your team moves around a multicolored set of blocks towards the end goal where you complete minigames that are supposed to unlock elements of the picture that you are then required to guess at. The minigames are actually really entertaining and often borrow from other popular games such as Space Invaders, the Game & Watch series, and more. My favorite mini game is a take on the Game & Watch game Fire. You control your firemen with a net and try to catch the fat men falling out of burning windows. Fun! All in all the minigames are an interesting addition to what would otherwise be too straightforward of a game. The problem in this mode lies when you have to actually guess what the image is that you have valiantly attempted to uncover. Typically you wont uncover the entire image as either the time will run out on you or you'll get hit too many times, lose too many jumping dudes, get shot by the purple doo-dads too much or some other obstacle will hinder your progress. Even if you do happen to uncover the entire image, good luck guessing what the hell that cryptic batch of white lines is actually supposed to be. Some are easier than others but as far as I can guess there's no real rhyme or reason to how difficult or not the image will be and what significance the color of the square is that you're standing on. I don't think it's broken up into categories so much as meant to make the stage look like a colorful rainbow of red, purple, brown and yellow blocks.

Weeeee!!!

The A game is brutally difficult. While the minigames are competently programmed and control relatively well, they are simply too hard to help you unlock enough of the picture to matter. You'll curse those little green goobers for knocking off the top two boxes because they were your only shot at guessing that those white lines were supposed to be a belt. If the programmers had only given you more of the image each time you uncovered it rather than simply one or two blocks at a time, the game would at least be fair. If you do happen to uncover most of the image, it tries to help you by having arrows pointing to whatever the object in question is supposed to be. However, sometimes they will put other things in the picture that clutter your brain and make guessing at the significance of what is being shown that much more cryptic. I magically guessed EGG based on a poorly drawn circle only because it's three letters and I couldn't imagine it would possibly be anything else. Beyond that, most of the puzzles are incomprehensible. However, if you think that's a knock against this game, you're actually mistaken. It's this very absurdity that makes playing with others so darn fun. You will take turns with your friends hurling vile filth at the screen in the vain attempt to somehow make that mess of lines a comprehensible image! Oh, and by the way - selecting letters is an exercise in futility. You have a pair of running shoes that move waaaaaaaaay too fast to be accurate. Tap your controller and be very patient or strap on your powerglove and turn it into a drinking game. It's up to you!

I hate these boxes!!!!111!!!

Pictionary for the NES is a game that I would file under the so-bad-it's good category. You will definitely have a good time playing this game with your friends; whether or not it's at the expense of the game rather than because of the game is left up to you. It's absurdly cheap right now and definitely worth every penny just to catch your friends saying things at your TV that you wouldn't say to your worst enemy. There's also versions of Pictionary for the DS and Wii, and while I'm sure they're much better games than this one, I doubt they have the same pound-for-pound frustration-induced laughter and entertainment as this version.

8-bit Board Games Pt.2: Anticipation (NES)

2011-12-18T16:23:00.002-05:00

Wow, this game actually does look like it's gonna be racy!

Gamers well-versed in the history of video gaming probably know about the rise and fall of Atari and the video game crash of the early 80's. The Cliff's notes version is such: Atari ran into problems near the end of their reign due to poor decision making and a glutted market of substandard games that alienated audiences. "Alienated" is of course an appropriate term as one of the most iconic symbols of Atari's fall from grace was 1982's E.T. It was a huge blunder in a sea of missteps including a craptastic port of Pac Man, the underwhelming response to the Atari 5200 and a market that had quite a few competing consoles such as the Intellivison, ColecoVision, and many more. I can't quite remember the source to cite this information so don't sue me - but I read somewhere that the reasoning for the Famicom being called the Nintendo Entertainment System rather than the name Nintendo was kicking around when they were going to be branded by Atari, the "Nintendo Advanced Video Game System" is that it doesn't automatically evoke the image of "video games" in the mind. Keep in mind, the country was just coming out of the big video game crash and it's easy to imagine Nintendo didn't want their new system to be thought of as simply a video game system and a part of the passing fad that just destroyed Atari's dominance.

I know, I know - what does this have to do with Rare's video board game? Well, when the NES was released it had a few features that set it apart from other video game systems. For starters, early systems came with R.O.B the robot - a mostly failed add-on that was supposed to be an interactive game buddy with spinning gyros and moving gadgets. It's also the system that would later have carts such as Taboo: The Sixth Sense which is essentially a digital tarot card reader and Miracle Piano, which was a piano & game cart combo that would teach you how to play piano. It appears that this is where the idea to have board games, card games, and non-game carts originated. To separate the NES from the other gaming units and appeal to audiences other than just children. This thing wasn't just a toy, it was a piano teacher, a tarot reader, an exercise/running simulation, and now a board game for up to four players! This board game was Rare's 1988 game, Antici...

pation.

On the surface, Anticipation looks near identical to Pictionary - and there definitely are similarities. However, Anticipation has a few of its own unique gameplay features, many of which are superior to the Pictionary NES game which would be released a few years later. First, let's discuss the gameplay. Anticipation takes place on a multicolored board where your team's game piece will land on squares and have to answer picture based questions in an allotted time frame. I know, it sounds just like Pictionary - just bare with me. Instead of having fun but frustrating minigames that unlock your image, you simply wait until a magic pencil draws out a connect-the-dots version of your image. You can chime in when you think you know the answer, and believe me - you will at least have a chance to know the answer unlike in Pictionary. The longer you take to answer the question, the less spaces you will move at the completion of the question. This is different than the randomized dice roll in Pictionary and can be used to your advantage if you need to land on a space of a specific color. Yes, unlike in Pictionary where I can't honestly tell you that the colored blocks mean anything; the game is separated into specific color-coded categories which change as you progress to the next level. You must complete one of each categories to continue and if you have it set to easy, you shouldn't have any real problems.

Everyone fights to be the pumps

One of the only main frustrations with Anticipation aside from its relatively lackluster and simple gameplay is that if you're new to the game you might be puzzled at how to play at first. It's very easy to accidentally hit a button before the drawing begins because the pencil seems to take a 3-Mississippi before it begins. Your first instinct is that you have to hit a button to start the pencil to move and instead are forced to guess what the image is based only on how the dots are arranged on the screen! Also, if you don't pay attention to the dice on the side, you might wind up going around the stage in circles before you more or less accidentally land on the correctly colored square to continue. That's assuming you're playing by yourself and not competing against someone who can chime in and steal your thunder from under you. If anyone else is playing of course, you'll have to just take what you can get as far as the number on the dice is concerned. Then again, who would really want to play this game by themselves without even a computer player anyway?

The graphics are about as simplistic as in Pictionary; pretty enough to get the job done but nothing you would really write home about. Without the minigames that Pictionary has you're going to be missing a bit of the artistic flair that Pictionary has, but you won't be scrambling to figure out what pictures are near as much. The music is catchy, but also not near as rock & rollin' as in Pictionary. It's cutesy and whimsical and gets the job done. That's really all you need for a video board game anyway. You don't need Joe Satriani shredding the midi-guitar straight from the fires of Mt. Brutal to enjoy a simple board game. Candy Land would be better with some Judas Priest playing in the background, but I don't know that it's necessary to enjoy the game.

Derrr...I dunno what it is!

Thankfully, Anticipation has a variable difficulty. It's one of those games where Easy is too easy and Hard is pretty friggin' tough. So setting the game to medium difficulty and having at least one buddy and a computer player is really the ideal way to play this game. The pictures, while still really crude are actually comprehensible unlike the Picasso-flavored abstract art found in Pictionary. The controls are tighter so choosing the correct letter isn't an exercise in frustration either. Something that does add to the difficulty in this game aside from the aforementioned accidental button-press is the fact that the game will get you on semantics occasionally. It's not a "soda can" but a "soda pop." Spelling will get you in any of these games and can't be factored into the difficulty but when a game such as this calls for a specific word that you're blanking on it can get really frustrating. I saw a clothes hanger but didn't have enough empty spaces to make the words "Clothes hanger" and "Hanger" wasn't enough. What they were looking for is anybody's guess.

Sorry to tell you this, but that's a bomb - not a ring.

So how does Anticipation stack up against Pictionary? The gameplay is smoother although not nearly as innovative. The graphics and sound are slightly less impressive but no less impressive than they ought to be for a game like this. The pictures actually look vaguely like they item they represent, although at times it's hard to get the exact name they're looking for. The "board game" aspect is much better fleshed out with the ascending levels and the fact that the game questions are broken up into categories. It won't have near as many side-splittingly hilarious moments as Pictionary will, but if you're throwing a more casual party that doesn't involve whiskey and fist-fights, this game would be perfect. These two games are Yin and Yang. Kenny G versus Cannibal Corpse. Whichever game you pick, you're going to have an entertaining and often hilarious holiday party! Since they're both so cheap and available right now through Lukie Games, why not pick up both? Are you going to play these when you're alone and bored in your room? Hell no. That's what Battletoads is for. But if you have a few friends over and want to remember a bygone era of primitive video gaming and the slightly misguided combination of board games and video games then give these games a shot!

More white people in tacky clothes than yo momma's Xmas parties!

P.S. Seriously look at that cover art. That thing SCREAMS 80s. I have a hunch the people on the cover are just the game development team in their "casual wear."

G.I. Joe: The Atlantis Factor (NES)

2011-12-16T18:49:00.011-05:00

Being the holiday season and all, it's only fitting to discuss a toy that swept the nation whenever I was a child in the late 80's and early 90's. It was the action figure playset under every Christmas tree. Kids would trade 'em, toss 'em out of windows in their two-story houses, bury them in the backyard and melt them in the microwave. They were tough little buggers and were a little slice of 60's American military propaganda revamped for the cold-war era. I'm talking about G.I. Joe, kids. The cartoon was everywhere, the toys were hot-selling Christmas must-haves, and everyone's older brother would light them on fire using nothing but a magnifying glass and the power of the sun's u.v. rays. That's science!

Naturally any trend this hot would have to be capitalized on with a video game series. The first G.I. Joe game for the NES was released by Taxan in 1991 and it's a darn fine action shooter. The Atlantis Factor is a Capcom produced sequel to the original and keeps much of the same magic from the original game the same by adding some variation here and there. There are some elements I like about the first game better than TAF, such as being able to pick your team in the beginning rather than having to unlock your members throughout gameplay. However, The Atlantis Factor is a heck of a game in its own right and can have a comfortable place in your NES collection next to other great TV and movie license games. Just keep Jaws and Gilligan's Island far away from it.

Samuel L. Jackson here means serious business

G.I. Joe the Atlantis Factor is an action/shooter that plays a lot like a cross between Contra and Mega Man. The story picks up after the end of the first game where your Joes destroyed Cobra Commander and smashed up his crew. They discovered that their island was atop the remains of the lost city of Atlantis and discovered a power that would resurrect Cobra Commander and help them to take over the world!

It was either this or Raul Julia as M. Bison. Of course!

Your mission naturally is to jump, punch, kick, and shoot your way through a series of badguys on your way to destroying Cobra once and for all. One of the cooler features of TAF is the ability to select your next stage/path ala Super Mario Bros. 3 or Castlevania 3. You start your mission with General Hawk and as you progress through the game you will unlock different members of your team such as Wet Suit, Snake Eyes, Duke and more. Some members have different specialties and thus different advantages and disadvantages depending on the stage you're playing. One of the other bonuses of having other team members is that they also double as your lives - you lose a member of your team and you still have at least another to take his place. To the best of my knowledge you have infinite continues and at the very least have a password system to keep your place but it's nice to have those other teammates in a pinch.

"Lookit the door, Johnny!"

A neat feature of TAF is that you can level up your players skills. While it's certainly not as thorough or full-featured as an RPG game would be, it's still satisfying to pick up those little POW power-ups and gain new fighting skills like kicking and spray shots. It also acts as an incentive to select your other teammates every now and then in order to level up their health meter and skills so you're not up Cobra creek without a Shark 9000. The only downside to any of this is the absurd way in which powerups appear in the game. Occasionally they will be stationary or hidden behind pillars and on top of platforms. This is perfectly acceptable as per the official rulebook of "Solid Game Making 101." However, every time you blow up one of your opponents a power-up will spring from their head like a rubber bouncy ball and fly in the opposite direction so if you don't jump in midair immediately after killing said bad guy, it will fly half way across the screen (potentially never to be seen again.) While power-ups are plentiful in this game, it's amazingly frustrating to have to track down power-ups like much-needed ammo or health. Why on earth couldn't it just drop to the ground instead of going all Contra-style and fly over my head never to be seen again?

Hawk traded his combat boots for Jordans

With the graphical and musical limitations of the NES in mind - this game has some top-notch presentation. Your Joe team members don't look overly stock and are identifiable as individual characters rather than just palette-swapped army dudes. The level designs are for the most part top-notch, although the first G.I. Joe did a few more interesting things graphically - such as having enemies leap from the foreground to right in front of your character - and by having some more depth of field. That being said, there's still a lot to love about the graphics in TAF, and even the lesser levels are no worse than some of the lazier Mega Man levels which were basically assembled with blocks, pipes and other industrial looking things. The only major peeve I have with the level design is that one of the first jungle levels has so many bushes and canopies that it's hard to tell which are usable platforms and which are just part of the background. Also in that particular level you have to take a few leaps of faith that may or may not land you in a pit. The music is totally rockin'. I would definitely say that the soundtrack to this game is up their with great action games such as the Mega Man and Ninja Gaiden series.

Hey kids! Guess what is and isn't a platform!

The game is not perfect - you have a few things from the first game that should have made it over to the sequel such as setting up a team from the jump and being able to switch characters on the fly. However, this is an excellent example of a game that took a fairly shallow premise (action figures turned cartoon where your military guys blow up bad guys) and made it into two very well polished NES gems. Anyone who enjoys action games such as Contra, Mega Man, Bucky O Hare, and even Ninja Gaiden will be able to find a lot of quality gaming in G.I. Joe Atlantis Factor. It's available now from Lukie Games and would make a wonderful holiday gift for someone you love - even if that person is yourself!

Ok, so not a scuba mask - but you get the idea.

Die Hard Trilogy (Playstation, Sega Saturn, PC)

2011-12-14T18:43:00.006-05:00

ARRRGH! EXPLOSIONS!!!!111!!!

It's December and the holidays are approaching quicker than you can say "Deck the Halls." One of the most popular ways for people to get into the holiday spirit around this time of year is by watching holiday-themed movies. You've got "It's a Wonderful Life," "Miracle on 34th Street," "8 Crazy Nights," "Friday After Next," All of those wonderful claymation movies, and my wife's personal favorite - a Christmas Story. Yes, Ralphie - you will shoot your eye out. Over and over and over again. 24 Hours of A Christmas Story is enough to make me wanna shoot my own eyes out. Here's the premise - take a movie I once loved and play it into the ground. But I digress. In order to combat the holiday blues, my favorite holiday movie is Die Hard. The trouble is - I always seem to only catch the tail end of the movie every single time it's playing on tv. However, I recently purchased Fox Interactive's 1996 hit game "Die Hard Trilogy" for the Playstation and can have the complete interactive experience of actually kicking butt and taking names in John McClane's shoes! Well, sort of.

For starters, this is a game that did extremely well with critics and fans when it was released way back in 1996. So well in fact, that they re-released it as one of those "Greatest Hits" series games with the ugly green spine labels on them. When IGN reviewed it back in 1996 they stated, "This is one of the best games you can buy for the Playstation, and the fact that there's actually three games makes it all the better." (http://psx.ign.com/articles/150/150447p1.html). Reviewers praised the high-action gameplay, the replay value, the buckets of blood, and the fact that you get three wildly different games packed into one disc. While it's very hard to argue with any of these points, I'm pretty sure in the next few paragraphs we can chip away at the otherwise shiny veneer that this game had almost 12 years ago.

Boom!

I believe the old adage goes something like this; "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions." That's exactly how I would describe "Die Hard Trilogy." The previous reviewers were absolutely correct in praising Fox Interactive and Probe for having a game that contains essentially 3 games in 1. Also, as the IGN reviewers pointed out - it doesn't necessarily feel like a budget title either. This game feels like a full fledged, arcade style action extravaganza in the comfort of your own home. All of these things might have been impressive in 1996, but looking back there's definitely room for improvement here. I mean - do you guys and gals remember what the "arcade style experience" was like in '96? All of those clunky, ugly polygons in Silent Scope or the first entries in Virtua Fighter and Tekken? Those games haven't aged well either. So is having 3 of these high-flying, bullet-slinging, gut-exploding action games really a great deal?

Let's not beat around the bush; the original Playstation's graphics were pretty horrific. Any of the titles that were cartoony and/or two-dimensional were usually pretty good, and later titles such as Tenchu and Metal Gear Solid were able to get 3d graphics down to a smooth science. However, games such as those aforementioned 3d arcade-style titles would tend to be a gross polygonal clusterfudge. Die Hard Trilogy falls into this category. Playing the first Die Hard title on a 40-inch widescreen HD tv is like sticking your head underwater and trying to play a Virtual Boy at the same time. It's a disorienting mess of pixels where you're constantly being shot at from all directions and somehow have to manage to A.) not get killed by these generic looking baddies, B.) not blow yourself up by shooting these explosive cars, C.) rescue a handful of hostages, and finally 4.) get out of the building before the bomb goes off. This proved to be an exercise in futility for me because trying to find the exit in this generic mess of pixels would actually be easier if I was playing blindfolded, spun around 3 times and given a stick to whack at my TV until candy falls out or John McClane decides to stop spitting out the same three generic one-liners. The graphics are such a slurry, sludgey mess that they give me motion sickness and everyone on screen from "clearly not Bruce Willis" to "clearly the same palette swapped badguys" and finally to the sad hostages - will all say a maximum of two to three lines of constantly repeating dialogue. Ever played Blood II: The Chosen? It's just about that annoying.

Die Hard 1: Attack of The Crooked Pixel

The second game is a rail shooter akin to Area 51. I have a few less gripes about the graphics as they are less nausea-inducing - However, the bad guys and hostages have nothing to distinguish themselves from each other and you'll get tired of shooting the same guys in black trenchcoats and trying to avoid shooting the same ladies in tacky white sweaters. Hmm, "Ladies in Tacky White Sweaters" sounds like a good indie band. The first time I played it - I got snuffed out pretty quickly. Controlling this without a lightgun is kinda tough and anyone playing on an HD TV is S.O.L if they want to play with anything but a controller. However, I improved my game immensely the second go-round when I decided to play like an evil Russian bad guy instead of John McClane and instead shot every single pixel that wasn't nailed down. That's right - cops, badguys, men, women and children all got sprayed with "not Bruce Willis'" bullets of justice. It was Christmas eve and I was sending a lot of souls to the holy ghost that night. You know what? The game is a lot more fun when you indiscriminately shoot everything from the ceiling tiles to the Christmas trees and everything in between. I still died but it didn't seem to penalize me for going all Waco on everybody. The only warning the game seems to give you is a big "Whoops" sign over innocent victims. Yup. Whoops.

"Sorry dawg, my bad!"

The third and final game is Die Hard With a Vengence - aka poor man's Crazy Taxi. You drive around hitting what appear to be guys hiding behind trashcans with your car as a voice actor who sounds more like Chris Tucker than Samuel L. Jackson chastises you for not driving fast or well enough. Once again, you can let out your Carmageddon-like fantasies and mow down every pedestrian in sight with a satisfying blood spray if that's your bag. Supposedly I'm driving a taxi in this game - but with the clunky mechanics and the inability to slow down well enough to take turns carefully and accurately, it feels more like I'm driving Satan's one-wheeled rickshaw strapped to a rocket. Is this game fun? Well - only if you like running into walls, pedestrians, and watching the city blow up every 3 minutes because the "bomb car" is pretty hard to follow with these horrific driving mechanics. The way the driving goes in this game, you'd think John McClane has a rabid badger running around in his underroos. The game is fun to kill time and innocent bystanders - but not much else.

Your insurance wont cover this

So how does Die Hard Trilogy stand up this many years later? It's a good time-killer and definitely good for a few unintentional laughs (actually, I take that back. I KNOW the programmers wanted me to mow down innocent people in this game.) I would have a hard time recommending this for anyone after one of the finest examples of Playstation gaming - but for the price, you get 3 radically different games that can be enjoyed with a wicked sense of humor and an evil laugh or two.

Medabots Ax (GBA)

2011-12-14T00:24:00.001-05:00

Lightning is cool.

Medabots Ax is an exclusive title to the North American region based on the moderately popular anime which was playing on Fox Kids (or was it the Fox Block by then?). It’s a decent fighting game where you have the ability to customize your robots with parts you acquire through tournaments, did I just mention tournaments? Well this game is all about tournaments because it’s a tournament fighter! (applause?) The game is moderately original in design and for what it’s worth the game does provide some adequate fun. Medabots Ax took the Pokémon root and made it so that in order to get the parts for all 30 Medabots you would have to connect and trade the last five from the other game (either the Rokusho version or Medabee version depending).

If I recall correctly I was still a youngin’ when this show was new, and I recall when I got this game I was pretty psyched about it. For those that don’t know Medabots was a moderately popular anime about young kids who ran around and made robots battle for their amusement. In the show many of the battles were fought with the rule that if you lost you were obliged to give the winner one of the parts off your Medabot which as you can guess, kind of really sucked. The shows main character was Ikki Tenryou and his Medabot was Medabee (who was quite sassy) and they spent much of their time fighting against the evil organization the Skrew Gang and fighting battles to be the best there ever was.

Here’s an Example of to expect from the show:

The game plays simply, you have three regular attacks a jump and a special move. Each move sans the jump and special all require time to reload before using it again and each varies depending on the type of part you have equipped and what it’s function is. Fairly standard stuff, however the most important factor of this is the speed and defense of each part as its imperative that you balance the speed of your attacks with a part that won’t be destroyed after one hit. You win battles by destroying the leader Medabots head, so don’t feel discouraged about sending your partner out to take the brunt of the damage as it’s your death that makes you lose. All the stages are fairly similar with slight variations such as the addition of water or moving floors but all keep the same overall setup despite changing looks.

As the great military strategist Zhuge Liang once said; “Fake em’ out, It’ll work every time.”

The customizing is fairly simple, you open up the menu and select either your partner Medabot or your leader Medabot and from there you can exchange the arms, head, legs, and medal (the thing which gives it a special attack). At any point in time you can alternate the gender of the two Medabots if you so choose, so instead of having a male Medabot being the Leader, you can have a female, or you can have them both be male or female Medabots. This change allows you to customize the strategy of your team as the female parts are mostly passive so you can create a team based on endurance whereas the male parts are aggressive so with two males you can have a team that doggedly attacks. Ultimately the medal decides your plan as the medal decides your special attack, and the commands you can issue to your partner.

Sht? How crass.

Both parts and medals have stats in this game and its imperative that you mix them to make a balanced Medabot, otherwise you may wind up losing a lot.

The game has a pathetically small roster of opponents and very often you will wind up facing the same opponents over and over as you attempt to farm parts or grind experience so you can gain more commands for your partners medal.

Medabots Ax is solid tournament fighting game with a fairly original system, for battling and quite a bit of customization which easily allots for lots of play time. The game however is plagued by its lack of depth as there is no story to the game, which I guess is expected as fighting games trend towards having no real story. The controls are really good and the difficulty isn’t to hard, though tedium tends to kick in after you’ve battled the same team of enemies for the fortieth time. The game is relatively inexpensive no matter where you get it from and in my opinion Medabots Ax is a game worth the cost for any fan of the series as despite its shortcomings the game is still solid enough to provide a moderately enjoyable experience for at least a majority of the ride.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town (DS)

2011-12-13T22:49:00.004-05:00

Santa Claus is Coming’ to town is a video game adaption of the Rankin Bass Holiday special, if you have not heard of the film nor Rankin Bass (which is doubtful I hope) you should stop reading this and go watch the special. The special can probably be viewed on Netflix or if you go to any superstore you can probably pick up the DVD. Now you go and watch that, I won’t go anywhere, promise, okay I’ll see you when you are done.

Alright, you all set? Good. Santa Claus is Coming to Town for the DS is essentially nothing more then a plethora of mini-games, these mini-games can be played as stand alone little games or you are presented the option of playing an “Adventure” mode which essentially is broken down into short talking sequences with mini-games laced between them. Now I know what you are thinking at this point, “Well Mike there is no possible way this game could be any good or accurate right?” Well dear readers I can assure you that this game is far from bad, at worst the game is mediocre which is still a far cry from Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde.

Seriously, ~~fuck this game~~ I rather dislike this game.

I think it’s prudent that before I move on I make it known to everyone that over the course of this game you will hear “Santa Claus is coming to Town” playing constantly in the background. Seriously. I’ll admit it plays at a low enough volume that it doesn’t feel to obtrusive, though it gives the game a similar feel to walking through a super market during the holidays at first, eventually though it just becomes white noise. An alternative to listening to the music in the background is shutting it off through the options menu, but in my opinion it isn’t worth it as you won’t notice it after a while of playing.

The game’s story is identical to that of the holiday special sans Fred Astaire (due to a legal matter of course). You start the game off as Special Delivery Man Kluger who opens up by telling you the story of Santa’s origins from there you get to more or less experience the film entirely through text and mini-games. You also get to play the game from two alternative perspective’s which I guess adds more depth to the story(?).

Please Meister of all Burgers, rear this child to be so good with burgers that one day he may become a Burger Meister.

Mini-game wise the good ones are all platformers while the others are really shallow coloring games or “singing” games. Platforming wise there are three games in total and all of which are very straight forward and don’t require much to beat as all you do in each game is jump and it’s impossible to die or time out. All of the other games are incredibly shallow but for the age demographic (5-8 year olds?) the game is tailored to the mini-games are probably appealing as they consist of coloring games, a game where you get to dress-up and take care of topper (Santa’s pet penguin), seek and find games, mazes, and a memory match game among others. Ultimately the games are nothing to shake a stick at but for what they are the mini-games are solid in their own rights and aren’t blighted by poor controls or glitches.

It reminds me so much of Pitfall.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town isn’t (in my opinion) a game in the traditional sense, if anything it’s an accompaniment to the special where it contains some games based on the film and a mode which contains little descriptions of the characters (which solidifies my point). The game is entirely Christmas themed and as such it is by no merit a game which will pull you to play it during any other time then the winter months, though I think this is the games biggest selling point and the main defining reason to actually play it. Santa Claus is Coming to Town is the kind of game where when you are feeling in a particularly festive mood it provides one with an outlet for that festivity in the form of its simple mini-games and Christmas soundtrack, it also helps that it is designed after the Rankin Bass film which has become a regular holiday special.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town is by no means a game worth investing in unless you have either children or you personally feel the need for a video game themed outlet for any overburdening Christmas spirit you may have; my biggest gripe about the game is that Fred Astaire’s puppet isn’t present and they instead replaced him with a puppet which looks nothing like him, this is a personal issue and by no means should it impact your feelings on the game unless you are a purist when it comes to adaptions of movies. Santa Claus is Coming to Town is a decent little Christmas game which you can pick up and play during the holidays, if you aren’t interested in mini-games you can pick up the Wii version which is a platformer where you collect snowflakes and deliver presents (it also features voice-acting :o ).

Also there’s Flute Hero.

Fun Fact: Fred Astaire isn’t in either game because upon his death he placed it in his will that he didn’t want any person or entity to use his personage as he was sure they would misinterpret his character or some other nonsense.

Have a Happy Holidays/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/etc.

Nights: Into Dreams (Saturn)

2011-12-09T22:21:00.006-05:00

From the time the Sega CD was first released and up until the company officially stopped making consoles with the demise of the Dreamcast, it felt as if Sega was always snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. For anyone who has played a Sega Saturn or a Dreamcast, there's no denying that Sega made great systems after their mostly ill-fated 32x. Unfortunately, both systems fell away rather quickly under the strength of competitors like Sony, Nintendo and Microsoft. A series of poor decisions such as a rushed release date, technology that was innovative but difficult for third parties to program for, and the aforementioned strength of newcomers Sony and gaming legends Nintendo sealed the coffin on the Saturn. The Saturn in particular is a system that had boatloads of potential that just wouldn't be realized.

It's a sad reality because there are a handful of great games for the Sega Saturn that nowadays fetch hefty price-tags - due to both their small production runs and the high demand for them by collectors. It's rare to find a copy of Panzer Dragoon Saga for less than 2 bills - and having played it first hand, I can say it's a pretty awesome game. Collector's price-points for some of the rarer and desirable games aside - there's more options for a Saturn owner now than ever before. With the power of sites such as Lukie Games, you can track down a good chunk of the games released in the US - and if you hit auction sites, you can track down the Japanese and European imports which can nearly double your collection (as the Saturn was popular in Japan and had a longer production run than here in the states.) One of the best, most accessible Saturn games is also fairly common and affordable; Sega's high-flying 1996 release "Nights: Into Dreams."

Motion-sickness meds sold separately

In Nights, you play as either Claris or Elliot - two young kids who discover the title character Nights in their dreams and merge with him in order to work their way through the dream/nightmare world Nightopia. Throughout the game you'll battle a handful of bosses and collect Ideya orbs in your quest to take down the evil Wizeman in his quest to steal the dream energy of children in their sleep. I guess that makes Wizeman the Freddy Krueger of Nightopia? Nights was designed by Wizeman to carry out this task - but instead rebels against his creator. If this all sounds insane and convoluted, it's because it is. If you think any of this is adequately explained or represented in the game, it ain't. That's what the game manual is for, kids! Goofy, insane plot aside - there's plenty of reasons why this is one of the best games for the Sega Saturn.

The hills are alive with the sound of confusion.

For starters, the graphics and music hold up really well even by today's standards. Keeping in mind that this was still near the beginning of the 64-bit gaming era, Nights has really well fleshed-out graphics with smooth animation and tons of color blasting all over the screen. It always felt like games such as Nights and Clockwork Knight (another popular Saturn game) could handle quicker animation and more vibrant color than similar games on the N64. The cutscenes (as vague and nonsensical as they are) happen to be crisp and detailed and character animations are fluid even with lots of action going on at the same time. The music and sound effects in Nights really seem to show off what the Saturn is capable of and demonstrates why (for me at least) cd-quality audio couldn't be beat by cart-based technology. The music is beautiful (and not surprisingly) very dream-like. In cutscenes you have sound effects like birds chirping, basketballs bouncing, and other ambient noises that not only add impact to the scenes but are the kind of little details that seemed lacking from games until at least the Dreamcast/PS2/Gamecube era.

The gameplay in Nights is very much in line with the gaming you'd expect from a typical Sega release - fast, fun, and high-flying (in this case, quite literally.) The best way I can find to describe Nights is that it's a Sonic game where you fly instead of spin and Sonic's not actually in the game - save for as the mascot on power-ups. Well, that's not 100% accurate, but I'll get to that later. You control Nights through hoops, around corners, over snow-covered mountains all while displaying some serious acrobatic skills - doing loop-de-loops, twirls, pirouettes and more. There are instances in the game where the more creative you are with your acrobatics, the more points you rack up. Controlling Nights is relatively simple. As Claris or Elliot, you basically can run around the terrain and jump - but that's not where the meat of the game is and you aren't likely to complete your goal unless you unlock Nights. As Nights you can use your d-pad to twirl around the sky like a circus acrobat. To aid in Nights' twirly, whirly antics, Sega released a 3d controller with a thumbstick that is perfect for performing all of the high-flying antics in Nights. (This controller also happens to be available right now through Lukie Games.)

I only sorta lied. Kinda. Well, not really. Read on.

One of your main means of attack is a spin/dash which is very effective to latch on to enemies and blast them into the stratosphere. Another means of attack is to circle your enemies and catch them in your magical pixie trail. Just remember to kill a bunch of these cute little suckers because the more points you rack up, the better your overall score at the end of each stage. Get an A thru C and you're pretty much in the clear, but getting D or below will really hurt your chances of advancing on to the final level. The basic rule of thumb is to complete the stage once by grabbing floating orbs, killing baddies and capture your ideyas as quickly as possible so you have enough time to power through the level again to collect bonus points and raise your score.

Nights: Where even little blue-haired boys can fly.

Nights is a fast, colorful, heck-of-a-good time. Sure, the story is like a schizophrenic's fever dream - but there's a whole lotta fun to be had with this game and it's one of the essential Sega Saturn titles. I recommend picking up Nights as well as the 3d Saturn controller. Nights also makes for a great holiday game because...

Christmas Nights (Saturn)

2011-12-09T22:11:00.006-05:00

...in 1996, Sega released a 2 level demo called Christmas Nights. Christmas Nights was available exclusively as a Blockbuster game rental or through magazines and game bundles. While it would have been nice to have a full-fledged, 6 level, stand-alone Christmas version of Nights (because, let's face it - there are far too few holiday games,) it's great to have a few levels to play with and get into the holiday mood!

Christmas Nights starts off with its own unique cutscene that sets up the plot (presumably after the events of the original Nights) where Claris and Elliot are Christmas shopping, waltzing through the hustle and bustle when they notice that something is terribly wrong. Alas, the star is missing from the top of the Christmas tree in their town square. This time, we are treated to voice-over work that at least describes these events so we have some idea of what's going on. At the end of the opening cutscene, however, we're given the same wacky, convoluted, shoddy, non storytelling that leaves us only to assume that the two are off to Nightopia again to rescue the missing star. Who asked them to do this? Why couldn't they just buy another at Walmart? Is anyone in town concerned about the star in the first place? Sure, there's the cop-out outro with the whole "it's all a dream" bit , but these questions don't get satisfactorily answered and I guess they're better left unasked.

They're like 5 bucks. Aisle 6 - next to the Tinsel.

How do the graphics and sound rate? The graphics are more or less identical - However, we're treated to holiday themed levels and enemy sprites! Depending on when your Sega Saturn's clock is set for dictates the kind of decorations and sprite designs you'll see scattered throughout the two levels. I rented this game just after Christmas and returned it the day after New Year's Eve, so I got to see the Christmas elements of the game in full force. During Christmas time the enemies have festive Santa gear on and the music is changed to an awesome Muzaky version of Jingle Bells. There's Christmas bells, wreaths instead of rings and even the serpent enemy is changed into a delightfully candy-caney festive badguy! Essentially the first level of Christmas Nights is just Spring Valley turned Christmas-y but I won't deny that it gets me into a jolly mood. The music is festive, the graphics are great as always and this game is likely to make even the Grinchiest Grinch's heart grow 2-sizes when they play it.

So...much...Christmas!

There are some other neat features about Christmas Nights aside from just some "Jingle Bells" and badguys in festive clothing. As mentioned before, the internal clock of your Saturn dictates some of what goes on in Christmas Nights. While December is reserved for "Christmas Nights" mode, the chilly months before and after are part of the Winter Nights section where there's simply snow and a few other festive touches. Having had the rental version over the New Years Eve holiday I noticed some changes to the game that took advantage of that as well. Also, you can play as Nights' nemesis Reala on April Fool's Day! The game also has some unlockable features like concept art and the ability to play as Sonic the Hedgehog! See, I told you I'd get back to that.

I only have a few minor gripes about Christmas Nights. For starters, it really would have been nice to have a full fledged retail Christmas Nights game - but I imagine it was rushed out seeing as it was released the same year that Nights: Into Dreams was. At least a few more levels would have helped this game have more replay value. Also, it's nice that there is narration in the cutscenes (and I really like the Christmas picture-book art style they chose for them) but they should have really done a few more takes of the voice-over work before shipping it out. I'm sorry, but the narrator sounds like she's nodding off after kicking a six year smack habit. Perhaps they tracked it the night after Thanksgiving to ship out in a few days and she's in a turkey coma. Whatever the case may be, a few more takes in the studio could have made for a better intro/outro.

Christmas Nights was a really fun demo that helped to get me in the holiday mood. While it's a whole lot of fun, I would highly recommend picking up the original Nights: Into Dreams first - as there's much more replay value to be had. Plus, you can find Nights right now at Lukie games - good luck trying to find a decent copy of Christmas Nights, however.

Holiday Shopping tips: How to identify a bootleg Gameboy Advance game.

2011-12-07T11:48:00.007-05:00

With the Holiday shopping season now in full swing you have to be increasingly aware of products which are either to good to be true or are of disputable quality. Ever since the Gameboy Advance’s release back in 2001 there has been a steady influx of bootlegged games being pumped into the video game market from places like Mexico and China, these fake games are for the most part are surprisingly unconvincing. The bootlegs are typically brought in through border flea markets or online stores, but once they make it in they are here to stay. Now you may be thinking that the possibility of getting a bootleg game is negligible and that is far from the truth. Unless you are purchasing a game used or from a trusted retailer (i.e. Lukie Games, or some other company that checks its games for authenticity) you have a chance (albeit small) of getting a fake game. Bootleg games wind up in used game stores (like GameStop) because the person who originally purchased it noticed it was fake, or because it stopped working and they wanted to get rid of it, this isn’t totally uncommon though you will most likely encounter bootleg games at flea markets.

The overall lack of quality makes me want to facepalm.

Bootlegs tend to be of more popular games, like Golden Sun, Legend of Zelda, Pokémon, etc. So when you go to purchase one of these games you need to keep your eyes peeled to avoid purchasing a bootleg copy. Now you might be asking “Why should I care if it’s a bootleg if it still plays?” Well I’ll tell you why, bootleg Gameboy Cartridge’s use very short lived batteries to retain their save files instead of having flash based memory as DS games do and a handful of Gameboy Games. So after a period of time the battery will die and you will lose everything on the game. You can change the battery out yourself, and there are plenty of wiki’s to show you how, but the meat of the matter is the sheer premise that the quality of the bootlegs are incredible bad.

It really sucks just getting to Zerumus and being told your Save is corrupted.

Now if you are an avid EBay shopper like me than you should know that eBay is overflowing with bootleg games, most of them come in the form of incredibly cheap versions of popular games (as mentioned above). Some will charge an exorbitant amount of money for multiple fakes.

It’s a sad day when you wind up shelling almost forty dollars for a fake game.

Now not all cheap games on eBay are bootlegs, but you still have to watch out for several signs:
1. Label Art – Quite often with bootlegs the label art will be different from the original. Things like the color of the label or the picture which is supposed to be in the background will be different from the original. Often times bootleggers will just put the box’s image on it and call it a day. Though in recent years bootleggers have upped the quality of their fakes and now some have their original label. So you may be ask me “If they have the original label image and text than how will I know its fake?” Well I would direct you to the lower right side of the label, if you see a set of numbers and and/or letters there if in the US it should start with AGB and end with USA, that means that its legit also look for the Nintendo Seal, which should read

“Official Nintendo Seal”
On the upper Right side of the label should be two sets of double digit numbers stamped into the label as well.

Can you tell me what’s wrong with this cartridge class?

2. The back of the game cartridge – The back of your game cartridge should have a Tri-Wing screw in it, these screws look like a “Y” and can only be removed with a special screwdriver. Some bootleggers will instead opt to use a regular Phillips screw which looks like a “+” this is a tell tale sign of a bootleg, as all Nintendo Licensed games use a Tri-wing screw. Another thing to look for is the where its made, bootleggers sometimes replace the “Made in Japan” with “Made in China” (they aren’t all that good at masking things.)

3. Finally and most definitely is the contacts and board of the game itself. If you open up the game by taking out the screw you should be greeted by a regular board and DEPENDING on the game a possible battery with a red ring around it. Certain GBA games do not use a battery for saves and instead use flash based memory which means it saves it directly to the cart itself so if you were to find a game which should save in that manner but instead uses a battery you can tell that it is a bootleg. If you look on the bottom of the board near the contacts in white lettering you should clearly see Nintendo, and a product number which shows that Nintendo manufactured it.

Real.

Fake.

Another thing to watch out for are those “175 (or 250, or whatever amount) games in one” those are typically modified flash cartridges (Cart’s used to bootleg games). They tend to be limited in ability and the “Games” they come with are typically multiples of a single game and are all quite illegal (especially if you live in the UK).

You zany Canadians.

Now I’m going to get very specific now and target the Pokémon series as this franchise has been hit the worst by bootleggers. There is no reason to ever pay money for that which is free correct, why by the cow when you can get the milk for free, right? Pokémon fans love making their own Pokémon games, there are so many Pokémon hacks and homebrew games on the internet that it’s absolutely baffling how people don’t take notice of a bootleg based purely on it’s being named after a homebrew game. Consistently bootleggers will put out these hacked or homebrew games and claim that they are original and will sell them on places like eBay, iOffer, or flea markets and treat them like they are the superior games. The truth of the matter is that many of these games aren’t exactly finished, and they are not stable, meaning that corruption and game breaking glitches are entirely possible to happen.

Not pictured: Human Decency.

If you are a fan of the series it is best that you realize that if it wasn’t announced by Nintendo, then there is a good chance the copy of “Shiny Gold” you picked up is a fake.

What you don’t remember Quartz? Why it was only the best Pokémon game of 2005!

Now you may wind up going your whole life without ever having a bootleg game fall into your hands, but there is credence to the saying “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. Ben Franklin really knew what he was talking about and I’m sure he would agree that to arm oneself with knowledge is the best way to avoid disaster later on (by disaster I mean getting a bootleg game that winds up being a waste of money later on). If you follow the above rule for identifying a game you should be golden especially if you avoid ordering North American games from non-North American regions (i.e. China, Mexico, etc.). Well I wish you al luck in your shopping and stay tuned for my tips on how to avoid purchasing any bootleg Nintendo DS games.

There will be complaints, lots of them.

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude (PS2, Xbox)

2011-11-30T22:41:00.014-05:00

This Halloween, I brought you guys and gals a tale of terrifying terror. A game so horrifying that you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy's worst enemy. It's called Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust and it's a sad, sorry excuse for a game. The humor was humorless, the characters were unlikable, the scenery was one-dimensional, and the controls were absolutely broken. For a current-gen game, it wasn't close to worth the already budget price it sold for at release (roughly 30 bucks) and I would really think twice about it at just about any price.

However, Leisure Suit Larry games have not always been this mind-meltingly bad. As a matter of fact, I grew up on these games! Leisure Suit Larry: In the Land of the Lounge Lizards was my introduction to adventure games at age 12 and by 16 or so I snatched up the whole collection for the PC. My favorite two games of the series are 5 and 6. LSL5 was innovative in having you spend half of the game as Larry and the other half as Passionate Patti (as well as showcasing a new art style that would be adapted and refined over the next two games) and LSL6 had voiceover work, great animation & art for its time, and humorous puzzles. Sure, the games were supposed to be for adults and had some raunchy humor and situations - but nothing in those games was ever near as explicit as one of those American Pie films. I discovered my love for the adventure genre through Larry Laffer's lovable antics and while I still enjoy a great variety of adventure games - King Graham never had to occupy a Pimp's attention by turning on scrambled Skin-e-max. That's the kind of shenanigans that only a nerdy, 70's obsessed 40-something could get into.

Leisure Suit Larry + Organ = comical caption!

Sadly, the late 90's resulted in what was once Sierra Online crumbling with big layoffs (including Larry creator Al Lowe,) Ken and Roberta Williams leaving the company and it changing hands numerous times - the future of Larry was uncertain while in the hands of new owners Vivendi. However, Larry was (more or less) resurrected in 2004 in this Xbox and PS2 college-based Larry game; Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude. The game was developed without any involvement from original creator Al Lowe and many audience members panned it for not feeling like a legitimate Larry game and for relying too heavily on minigames rather than more classic adventure strategies. I originally felt myself split on the game. Tes, the game was funny (but in a more sophomoric way that the original games were,) and to me the minigames never got too intrusive, and the new dialogue feature was actually a clever invention. Also, it seems true what they say - "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I've been without the game for years now and I miss it. I realize that my first reactions were harsher than they should have been. So let's dig into the pros and cons of the revamped Larry. Heck, at least it ain't Box Office Bust!

Ladies...there's room in my heart for all of you!

In Magna Cum Laude, you star as Larry Lovage, the nephew of that iconic loser Larry Laffer. The plot centers around Lovage's community college exploits as he tries to earn a spot on the television show Swingles. You must succeed (however embarrassingly) to gain the affection of all of the main female characters in the game in order to gain your spot on Swingles and finally complete the game. You'll run across country cowgirls, Joizy Shore foul-mouths, a mime with something to hide, a granola feminist and many other interesting college stereotypes. All-in-all the plot is not too far removed from the original Larry games meets the film "PCU." Throughout the game, you'll even receive advice from your ol' uncle Larry - voiced by none other than Jan Rabson of LSL6 & 7 fame. So what exactly is it that fans didn't dig about this new incarnation of Larry?

Uncle Larry Laffer - the shining beacon of wisdom

For starters, the minigames in MCL make up the bulk of the gaming experience. Sure, you can walk around and interact with different objects, collect coins and secret items (all adventure game staples;) but it's these conversation games and other minigames that were unfamiliar territory for gamers who were used to typing in commands for Larry and had fun hunting through a mountainous inventory to find what item will help you to enter a cruise ship or survive for days adrift in the sea. In conversation minigames you control your little ah-hem "swimmer" through various obstacles to different options highlighted by smiling emoticons, beer-steins, frowny-faces and other assorted choices. Wherever your swimmer lands during a portion of the conversation dictates what Larry is going to say next. While this was jarring at first - I've come to appreciate how clever this minigame is. It leads to a game experience that can be different every time and some really wacky Madlibs style conversations with members of the fairer sex. The highlight of the game has to be a call-and-answer version of Grease's "Summer Nights."

Hellooooooooooo Cowgirl!

Unfortunately, some of the other minigames are not quite as clever or amusing. Just as the liars dice minigame in LSL7 had me pulling my hair out - Magna Cum Laude has the dreaded quarters minigame. If you're not necessarily the most coordinated person in the world, this game can be absolutely maddening. There's also a dance-off mini game and a trampoline minigame both of which can be frustrating too - but not near as much as the quarters one. You'll run into other minigames here and there, but thankfully most of the game tends to revolve around the conversation game, which if you're a fan at all of the humor of this game; should be considered the biggest strength that MCL has going for it. Sure, the humor isn't quite as subtle as Al Lowe's - but there's a lot to love in MCL even if it's a goofy, fratboy, college humor sort of love.

Forget anything nice I said about ... anything.

The graphics and sound are really well executed here. There are a handful of licensed songs sprinkled throughout the game and plenty of fun, wacky dialogue to enjoy and the in-game score is fun and funky without being too "in the way." Since most of the game is dialogue based anyway - the background score is there without being too overbearing. The graphics are cartoony and goofy as heck - but work perfectly for the overall comedy theme. Some characters have harsh pixel edges - so don't expect top-of-the line Kingdom Hearts level graphics here, but for a 10 year old game it holds up really well and would need very little tweaking to compete with today's batch of humor-based, cartoony games. Comparing Magna Cum Laude with Box Office Bust is no comparison - this game trumps Box Office Bust in every facet. The characters don't look like deformed aliens with crooked smiles and dead eyes, the levels are cheerful and bright, the ladies are as sexy as cartoon video game ladies are supposed to be, and the camera doesn't become a nuisance with a mind of its own.

While Magna Cum Laude isn't the funniest, smartest, or best entry in the Leisure Suit Larry franchise - it certainly isn't the worst. Over time I've come to appreciate what the developers were trying to do with this game and the changes they made to the Leisure Suit Larry formula were mostly positive (aside from a few less than wonderful minigames.) I would highly recommend this to anyone who likes goofy, fun, cartoony and most of all raunchy action/adventure games. It's a fun adult-themed ride through all of the best (and worst) parts about college life and you can buy it or put yourself on the waiting list for it right now over at Lukie Games! The holiday season is upon is - buy it for someone you love (or someone you want to impress with your fine taste in gaming excellence.)

P.S. - I hear college girls love sock puppets!

Pro Wrestling (NES)

2011-11-30T20:44:00.001-05:00

Its so American.

Periodically my eyes become clouded and I believe that the NES was one of the flawless systems and all it’s games were classics that needed to be played to be fully appreciated, Pro Wrestling proved that wrong. Pro Wrestling is as shallow as a game can get, you play as one of several moderately identical characters whose only true defining characteristic is a special grab. Once you have chosen who you wish to play as you wrestle opponents until you are the champion, upon becoming the champion you become a winner. The path to being a champion is a long one with over 30 matches, all of which are repeat fights against the same characters in some sort of sadistic loop.

The jokes practically write themselves.

The gameplay is simple, you have a punch and a kick, you also have a special move and grapple; the hit recognition for attacks is shoddy as you need to be spot on for any attack to work. This is significantly harder than it sounds as the perspective in which the fights happen makes it hard to perfectly line up your attacks with your opponent.

A good example of not being lined up.

Though there is some innovation to the game, you can get on the ropes and dive bomb your opponent. If you knock your opponent out of the ring you can get out yourself and knock your opponent around until they lose from being out of the ring for to long. The referee will move around the ring to avoid being hit by you or your opponent as will the cameraman so it isn’t possible to hit either of them which is neat I guess. Something I noticed over the course of the game is that the stage never really changes especially in multiplayer which is a real drag.

The game has a very limited music list mostly repeating the same songs over and over, the graphics are subpar even for a mid-life NES game. I recall when I ordered this along with a bunch of other NES games to help flesh out my collection, I assumed it would have been somewhat of a decent game being that Nintendo had at the time of its production made quite a few decent sports games. Not surprisingly I was shocked and dismayed at this game, if it weren’t for the fact that it has multiplayer and my friends like to play really bad games I would call this game a waste of a good cartridge. If anything this games only redeeming quality is the multiplayer mode which allows you and a friend to derp around for however long you want until you get bored. The game is generally very inexpensive so buy it at your own risk, if you purchase it expecting a deep fighting game with lots of replay value then you are sorely mistaken. Buy this game only if you and/or your friends derive enjoyment from poking fun at bad games, as that is the only possible positive quality this game has, its ability to be joked about.

I’ll never understand why the Creature from the Black Lagoon made a cameo in this game.

Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest (SNES)

2011-11-30T14:07:00.001-05:00

Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest or as it is known in Japan “Final Fantasy USA: Mystic Quest” was Square’s response to the lack of interest western audiences had in Role Playing Games at the time (excluding table-top games naturally). This one of a kind game simplified the RPG formulas to such an extent that Square believed any person (read: American) would become hooked on RPG’s. The game itself is fairly lackluster when it comes to story and it’s most commonly noted fact is that the game had an amazing soundtrack which was a wonderful blend of rock and techno. I personally played this game long after I had played games such as Final Fantasy III and Legend of Zelda Link to the Past for the SNES. So to me this game was far from impressive until I took note of the hilarious dialogue and great soundtrack.

Oh you!

Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest is horribly simplistic and lacks many of the conventions of modern RPG of it’s day. There are no random encounters, fetch quests are fairly simplistic and don’t involve much travel, and you can never truly lose the game. Now what do I mean you can’t “truly lose the game”, well if at any point in time you are defeated in battle you are giving the option to retry the battle with all your stats and items reset to what they were at the start of the battle. With such an option it makes it so that no matter how hard the game gets you are always able to move forward. The game also lets you save anywhere at any time, which is handy and in my opinion an option that all RPG’s should have.

Unlike most RPG’s where you buy your equipment and items in Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest you will find all of you equipment in dungeons aside from a select few, weapons however are mostly given to you by whomever it is that has partnered up with you for whatever dungeon it is you are crawling.

Then Bomberman stole all of them.

This brings me onto the whole “party” concept in this game, in FFMQ you will only ever have one other person in your party aside from the main character and your party member will always start out at a higher level then you. Unlike your character though who gains experience and levels your party members will remain stagnant. This isn’t a bad thing and is done for a very specific reason, your current party member whenever he/she joins will start out at whatever level it is you will be by the time of the boss fight so if anything the party members stand as a testament to how you should level. Your party members will also always have better stats then you, so you should just accept that fact now.

She’s only wearing a dress and she had higher defense? :/

All of the towns in the game are very simplistic and in only a few of them are there puzzles which get you a magic book or some cure bottles. For the most part towns are used exclusively for plot related events and for sleeping so you can heal.

Magic in this game operates similar to the “charge” system the first game had where you could use different types of spells a certain number of times before you need to use an ether or go to an inn. Spells are all found through books hidden throughout the land (mostly in dungeons). Interestingly enough many spells have dual purposes and can be used on both enemies and the party, a good example is the spell “Life” which can fully heal or revive a party member, or instantly destroy an undead opponent.

The battle system itself is limited to three options “Battle”, “Run”, and “Control”. Battle does what you would assume it opens a sub menu where you can choose to attack regularly or you can use a spell or item, run allows you to attempt to flee, and control switches the main character from “Manual” to “Auto” (player controlled to computer controlled).

Damn Centaurs, the fake you out by surrendering then they tell you a riddle to confuse you.

This game has status effects and almost all the enemies in the game can inflict one upon you, so expecting the unexpected is key in battles. Another thing of note is that over the course of a battle as you damage a monster its sprite will change to show you how low its HP is. Generally most monsters have two sprites but more important monsters with high HP can have 3 or more.

He needed to get some filing done anyway.

Another integral aspect of the game is switching weapons which you can do at any point in time by pressing the shoulder buttons. Each weapon in the game had special characteristics and uses such as the axe which can cut down trees and the bomb which can blow up obstacles. They each have their own unique status effects they can inflict upon an enemy not to mention that some weapons are naturally stronger then others. Though one thing of note about weapons and attacks is that in FFMQ any and all attacks which target more then one opponent divides the damage it would have done amongst all the enemies (i.e. Using a bomb which targets all opponents and there are three of them, it does 300/3 to each monster).

The games dialogue is campy and obviously meant to not be taken seriously, the graphics for the game are slightly less impressive then that of FFII for the SNES but the actual monster sprites I’d say are about the same in uniqueness. The soundtrack is the games most endearing quality and is the main reason for the games cult following. Give it a listen:

Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest was generally considered a failure by many of its early fanbase, yet strangely enough it received average reviews and over time has garnered a much larger fan base from newer gamers and retro gamers. In my opinion this game is not truly meant for someone uninitiated to the world of Role-Playing games but instead is best for those who have been fans for a while and want something unique to change things up. The game is far from perfect as at times the dungeons crawls, just like in any RPG can get tedious, though despite that the game was innovative in how it handles many things (i.e. letting you jump over stuff). I recommend this game to any who are fans of Role-Playing games, or to those who are looking for something different.

Maybe if he invests it in mutual funds he’ll be able to afford it in fifteen years.

Harvest Moon (SNES)

2011-11-30T00:08:00.001-05:00

Harvest Moon, a game which is shockingly not about harvesting moons but instead is about building up your own successful farm and starting a family. Naturally one would assume that such a concept for a game would fail immediately and slip into the cracks of gaming history as another failure, however Harvest Moon did none of that. Harvest Moon and all the subsequent games in the series which would follow all garner a massive following, this game over the past decade has transformed Natsume a formerly small video game designing and publishing company from making adequate licensed games to producing exclusively Harvest Moon and Harvest Moon spin-off games.

Serious Farming.

in Harvest Moon you play as a young man who inherits a decrepit farm from a recently departed family member, upon arriving you meet the people of the nearby village and the man who collects the goods you ship, then you adopt a dog. There is no true story to this game and it essentially never ends as once you get married and have a kid the game keeps going on.

He sure got the raw end of the deal. :/

One of the more interesting aspects of the game is courting system, the courting system is the mathematical system used to determine how much whichever woman you are attempting to woo like or dislike you. Each potential lady in the game has there own set of likes and dislikes and a certain value of increase or decrease to the level in which they like you dependent upon your actions and gifts you give to her.

Ladies~

Don't think Harvest Moon is all about the ladies though as the main brunt of the game is operating a successful farm. Unbelievably running a successful farm takes a great deal of time, patience, and stick-to-itiveness. With the games internal world time where every second of real world time is equivalent to a minute, that generally equates to time passing rather quickly so you have to choose your priorities, ladies, or running your farm and getting money (the answer is running your farm). On your farm you are given the option of ranching livestock or farming crops as a way of earning a living on your farm (you can also do both if you so please).

Like a boss!

Both farming and ranching have their own unique tool sets, many of these tools you start out with and over time more advanced tools become a available that you can purchase. Just like with the ability to purchase better tools you can also purchase additions to your house after collecting a certain amount of wood and money.

If you want to grow any plants you’ll need to purchase them, though that doesn’t under any circumstance mean that you can just purchase any seeds you want, certain seeds are only ever available during certain seasons; the only seed which you can get during any season is grass seed, so any and all other seeds are exclusive to specific seasons. You can also purchase less important items such as food or drinks neither of which you get to keep as they are both instantly consumed by the character.

Harvest Moon has a decent amount of things to do in the game as there are several hidden areas that can only be accessed after a certain point in time, the main element of the gain (i.e. Farming/ranching) are the main draws of the game, and both of which are done remarkably well as plants need to be consistently taken care of in order for them to produce any product, the same can be said for any of the animals you rear as they require both affection, feeding, and milking/egg collecting(?). I personally found that over the course of the entire series you aren’t provided with much in the way of startup money or materials so most of your first couple of weeks will be spent collecting various odds and ends that are laying around the place (i.e. grass, rocks, fish, wood, mushrooms, berries) and shipping them as your main source of income. Some alternatives to farming and ranching can be mining or fishing as they both present themselves as options once you get the right tools.

Manly Things.

Character interactions aren’t very diverse as many characters who are not potential wives provide little useful dialogue, The most you will get out of the NPC’s will be special events and festivals which happen on specific dates over the course of a year, even then they won’t say much aside from comments on the particular event.

Harvest Moon isn’t the kind of game where graphics really matter, but the game has very nice sprites and the player sprite in particular has a plethora of animations which are all amusing at worst. Harvest Moon has very unobtrusive background music that will fade in and out depending on the time of day at whatever season it currently. In my opinion that is how background music should very well be, unobtrusive and doing nothing more then setting the tone for whatever it is that goes on.

Harvest Moon is essentially a reality sim wherein you play as a Farmer/Rancher and seek to be the best at what it is you do. It’s a very solid game with a great deal of replay value for its intended audience, however Harvest Moon has little to no appeal to those who are not interested in game where the only content is growing plants and raising some cows. I’d also like to point out that the game is far from perfect, once you are married and have your child the game falls into a limbo where you’ve essentially “beaten” the game (though I’ve noticed this is a problem in pretty much all the games though). I’d recommend this game to anyone who is already a fan of the series, or to any person(s) who are fans of more casual games as this game has great pick up and play value. Harvest Moon the first game of the series is by far the purest incarnation and I’d say the only other game to perfectly emulate the formula would be the Gameboy Color games, so if you are interested in a game about farming or ranching I’d suggest giving this game a looksee, or its Gameboy versions as they are fairly similar.

“It was at that moment upon reaching the summit that I realized, I forgot to water the onions this morning.”

Cyber Monday Sales at Lukie Games!

2011-11-28T16:10:00.001-05:00

The biggest sale of the year at Lukie Games - tons of classic games, systems, and accessories at their lowest prices ever! Choose from such classics at Tetris for the Original Nintendo for just $1.99, Super Mario All-Stars for just $13.99 (Super Nintendo version), a new PS2 Controller for just $4.99, and dozens more. These deals are good for today only so don't wait, get your games now!

Street Fighter III: Fight for the Future/New Generation/Second Impact/Third Strike (Arcade, Dreamcast, PS2, Xbox, PSN)

2011-11-28T13:30:00.001-05:00

So cool it needs two subtitles!

Street Fighter III is the third entry into the main series and is apparently the ultimate fighting game for the future (It’s their third strike at it to). Along with a new roster of characters along with a few returning faces the game boasts a newer refined combat system from the days of Street Fighter II and its many incarnations. Street Fighter III has a sparse story element to it, though in all honesty who cares about story in a fighting game? The story itself if fairly standard, a cult has formed around some godly dude who plans on destroying the world and it’s up to whomever you chose at the character select screen to defeat him after fighting through seven (ten in Third Strike, but whatever) other fighters. Of the entire series of Street Fighter games Third Strike is by far my personal favorite. The game is aesthetically pleasing to the eye, all the animations are done beautifully and the controls are incredibly tight and well done, however did you know that there were three versions of this game?

Yessir Street Fighter III had more then one version of itself (how pretentious) just like it’s predecessor, the only home versions of Street Fighter III however were a Dreamcast port and a port to the PS2 in the 15th Anniversary Collection which contained the third version of Street Fighter III and every version of Street Fighter II along with an edited version of the Street Fighter II movie. Now I cannot safely say what the significant differences are between the Street Fighter III games is as I’ve only ever played the Arcade version of Second Impact (the second version) and the console version of Third Strike (the third one). Of the two versions I noticed little to no difference aside from Roster additions (as Street Fighter tends to do). The added roster padding is most notable in Third Strike as it gained a total of five characters as opposed to the three Second Impact gained.

Hey where’s Dee Jay and T.Hawk? D:

Roster-wise I won’t get in to deep as I am reviewing the entirety of the series, so I shall present to you a chart showing you the rosters for each game and I will point out the positives a negatives of them:

(click to enlarge)

Firstly you you note little asterisks next to certain names, those signify that they are exclusive to certain ports of the game; Gill in New Generation (the original Street Fighter III) is only available on the Dreamcast port of the game, and “Shin” Akuma and Gill in Third Strike (the third version) are only available on the PS2 and Xbox Anniversary Editions. Another thing you may notice is that between the first version and second version the characters Yun & Yang go from being one character to two, this is because in the first version they each had the exact same move set and it wasn’t until the second version that they each received a unique move set which essentially made they different characters. So Roster-wise the third version is the obvious superior as it boasts a total of 21 characters, an amount unheard of at the time as not even Street Fighter Alpha had that many characters.

Now the actual fighting system for Street Fighter III went over little change over the course of it’s revamped versions but it did however reinvent the entire fighting system from the days of Alpha and Street Fighter II Tournament Edition. In Street Fighter III air blocking had been done away with and instead was replaced with Parrying, a move which allows you to negate an attack by pressing forward just before the move connects. Another things brought about by Street Fighter III was the Super Arts, they were the ultimate moves of each unique character and each one had three with which you could choose from upon selecting your character, essentially they were super combos only with more variety. You can grab in Street Fighter III which at the time was fairly inventive and no game in the series prior had it before, though the grabs are generally simple throws. I personally found regular combos easier to pull off in Street Fighter III as opposed to the previous games which in my opinion is a major plus.

Street Fighter III has mini-games, well only two of them, A Parrying mini-game where you try to parry basketballs, and crush the car which had been revived from those good old days of smashing dudes things in Street Fighter II. These mini-games however are exclusive to Second Impact and Third Strike. These Mini-games appear in between fights in Single-Player mode and upon encountering and failing or completing them you can play them at your leisure later.

I hope Akuma has finished paying that thing off.

Ultimately Street Fighter III (Subtitle Whatever) is a great fighter, it had tight controls and depending on the version you pick up it will have an expansive roster or a small roster, all three versions are great and in my opinion the only thing truly separating them is the amount of dudes and dudettes in their character rosters. All three have fairly lackluster bonus modes (i.e. time attack, survival, mini-games) but the actual fighting is great with it’s tight controls, it’s multiplayer and single-player modes where the game shines like a star and in my opinion those are the only things that should ever count in a fighting game. This game is worth getting a hold of regardless of whatever console you get if for!

I agree with Akuma, mostly because he could destroy me with fireballs he shoots from his hands.

Dark Cloud (PS2) Review

2011-11-27T21:27:00.003-05:00

Dark Cloud is an RPG for the PlayStation 2 and was originally intended to be a launch title for the system however it was instead released a year later. I personally have some pretty fond memories of this game as it was the first PlayStation 2 game I ever purchased. I remember traversing through the many dungeons in the game and building up my weapons to take on the boss’s at the end of each dungeon, I also recall the time I spent trying to get every town set up perfectly so that the people in it would all be happy and reward me for my efforts. In my opinion this was the best of the early RPG’s for the console (not that it had many to contend with), though throughout this review we shall see if it truly is as great a gem as I believed when I first bought the game.

Being that this is an RPG story is a strong element of the game I find it best that we explore this aspect first; Dark Cloud is about a young boy named Toan (or butt, or whatever it is you choose to name him) as he is tasked with the reconstruction of the world by the Fairy King after the Dark Genie destroys a good deal of the world (by world I mean like three towns, and a giant robot). Over the course of the game Toan explores the mystery surrounding the origins of the Dark Genie and a way to ultimately destroy him, over the course of the adventure he travels to many places, a desert, a jungle village, the moon and over the course of the adventure he befriends like-minded people who also suffered from the attack of the Dark Genie.

A damn fine Genie of Darkness he is.

This game is heavy on two major elements, story, and dungeon exploration, and both of these elements will be the main meat of the game. Dungeons average about 20 floors but the last dungeon and the secret dungeon are the only real exception. There are additional elements to the game, which are not mandatory but add quite a bit of depth (and some grinding) to the game. These elements are the fishing points system, and the weapon building system, both of which require time and patience but are greatly rewarding in their own respects.
Dungeons in this game are fairly standard, one entrance one exit and a hella lot of monsters to battle. However there is more to every floor then meets the eye, each floor is broken up into two parts the second of which is optional as each floor (excluding boss floors) has a “back floor” which is a floor you can only access through usage of a key on a special door which takes you to the back floor. The back floors generally have stronger monsters, but to naturally offset this the treasure chests on back floors tend to have some pretty great surprises be they rare weapons or gems which you can sell or use. Back floors however are not the only thing you need a key floor, to advance to the next floor and in certain instances to get to a certain part of the main floor you need to find a key, the key to the next floor is always held by an enemy, though the key for the other parts of the floor can only be found in treasure chests back floor keys can occasionally be found in chests as well and at one point in the game be bought. The main point of the dungeon crawl though is to collect the Atla which are large orbs containing things like people, houses, and various odd and ends. You seek to collect all these so that you can rebuild whichever town you are currently in at the time, though I’ll talk about that later.

It really makes you wonder how a peaceful village manages to remain peaceful with a dungeon of horrible murderous monsters living right on the edge of it.

Another important part of dungeons is quick time events, typically each dungeon in the game has at least one quick time event where you need to press buttons as they appear on screen, these can be frustrating at first but once you develop a sense of rhythm for them they become immensely easier.

Not Pictured: My rage at making a mistake for the third time and dying.

Now story in this game comes at whatever pacing you so choose, as a majority of the story happens as a result of either:

Completing a Dungeon
or Completing a persons house/shack/stand/totem pole

Upon completing either of those a story event will generally follow. The actual overarching plot to the game is fairly fanciful and is ultimately solid enough, however the writing for the game has moments where it becomes incredibly subpar though on the whole it doesn’t detract from the overall game. The writing has it’s moments where it is honestly funny…

I get the feeling that they aren’t exactly teenagers with attitude.

Actually I take that back, this game has moments where it’s downright hilarious, I have on my hard drive a LOT of absolutely hilarious screenshots showing how amazingly funny and/or awful this games writing can be at times. Why one of my favorite moments happens while you are in Queen's and you are attempting to get a Psychic to tell you the future.
Now for the weapon building mechanic, now throughout the game you do not gain levels in the traditional sense where killing an enemy grants you experience points, instead every time you slay an enemy your weapon gains “Abs”…

Um…

These “abs” are the experience your weapons accrue, once a weapons abs are maxed out you can upgrade it. One of the more interesting parts of this is that you can equip to your weapon “attachments” which will increase certain stats or effectiveness upon a certain type of enemy. Once a weapon has been upgraded the necessary amount of times and has had its stats increased to a certain point you are presented with the option of building up a weapon into a much stronger weapon essentially allowing you to continuously evolve a certain weapon over and over again without ever really needing to change to another (though you will want to as the best weapon in the game can only be acquired by training up a specific sword). Another nifty aspect of the weapon building mechanic is that once a weapon has been upgraded to level 5 you are presented with the option of “Status Breaking” it, this would allow you to turn it into an attachment which would retain around 60% of the weapons original stats that you are able to slap onto any particular weapon. Also certain weapons have abilities which give you bonuses or can be hindrances, they are transferrable through Status Breaking so combining the best abilities into a weapon is a good way to get ahead in this game.

I wonder if it’s made of real bone?

Admittedly I’m no fan of fishing and this is probably one of the least explored mechanics of the game for me, so bear with me. In Dark Cloud you will periodically come across bodies of water and after you gain your fishing rod you are able to fish in these bodies of water using whatever bait you find or purchase. Whenever you catch a fish you gain points for it which you can exchange for prizes, certain fish are worth more points then others and specific bait can attract high point fish (poison apples, trust me). Fishing is essentially the money farming aspect of the game as once you figure out the best bait and location to fish you will be able to hook high pointers that you can exchange for prizes you can immediately sell. Oh, there is also a fish that tells you how to disarm any chest once you’ve caught it.

Man I hate fish, even in video game form.

Now for the most important facet of the game, the balls, the Atla are essentially Dark Clouds version of Legos and they are the building blocks required to rebuild the destroyed locale. They are found in the dungeons and it’s up to you to put them back together once you reach the surface again.

This must be how god feels.

Upon completion of any particular structure you are tasked with placing it in a spot the resident of it wants, which can be quite hard or quite easy depending on the person. You are also treated to events once you complete a place, some of which are hilarious, some traumatizing, all of them end in you receiving an item.

Toan can never unsee this.

Rebuilding towns is the main part of the game which is essentially dragging and dropping until everyone is happy. Lets review shall we?

Dungeon –> Atla –> Build structure –> Place Structure –> Drag and drop until all people are happy –> Event –> Profit.

Now there isn’t much to say about graphics being that this is an early PS2 game so I won’t dwell on them, however I will admit that the characters in the game are incredibly expressive which in my book is a plus. The games music is subpar and does a good job of being background music but is by no means stand-outish enough to really get stuck in your head.

I honestly feel sorry for him at certain points.

Dark Cloud in this reviewers humble opinion is an absolutely worthwhile RPG, it has lots of content, a great story, and it has tight controls (they are perfect and I feel no need to delve deeper into the topic). There are some quick time events which can be frustrating but over all the game is great and worth purchasing.

Fun fact: This game is by Level-5, you know those guys who made Professor Layton.

Luke this review reminds me of a puzzle!

Fist of the North Star: 10 Big Brawls for the King of the Universe (Game Boy)

2011-11-27T17:59:00.008-05:00

...and the award for longest game title goes to...

When I was growing up, there used to be a fairly steadfast rule for fighting games: for every Street Fighter 2, Mortal Kombat, Samurai Showdown, or Soul Blade - there were at least 20 Pit Fighters, Battle Blaze's or Rise of the Robots'. In other words there was very little middle ground - save for the occasional Fatal Fury game (which have been, and always will be - average.) However, there are a few games that; while they offer very little in the way of actual fun or excitement, get a gold star for trying. A consolation prize for almost making it to the show.

These are the games that either sound like a great idea on paper but don't work correctly in execution (Time Killers, Clay Fighters,) are broken from the jump but will be corrected in subsequent versions (Virtua Fighter,) or are hindered by the limits of their technology (Kung Fu, TMNT Tournament Fighters.) This last category is where I would file any attempt at fighting games on the Game Boy - especially this game: Electro Brain's 1990 release of Toei's "Fist of the North Star: 10 Big Brawls for the King of the Universe."

Some may not be aware of the Fist of the North Star franchise here in the states; but it's a manga-turned-anime-turned video game series from Japan. Heck, they even released an American live-action film that featured Melvin Van Peebles, Chris Penn, and Malcolm frickin' McDowell! The anime period of my life was brief and in high school - but I vaguely remember bits and pieces of one of the Fist of the North Star films I rented from Blockbuster (and Youtube has kindly helped to refresh these memories as well.) The basic premise is such: in a post apocalyptic world, a man named Kenshiro goes around kicking butt and taking names - laying waste to scores of bad guys and delivering a punch so vicious it makes people's heads explode.

That's gonna hurt in the morning

Nothing quite so gruesome or awesome happens in Fist of the North Star: 10 Big Brawls for the King of the Universe. However, that's not to say there isn't a fair enough of butt-kicking going on - it's just through the pixelly black and white prism of the Game Boy. First, let's discuss the things that Toei got right with this Game Boy brawler. One of the first things you'll notice when starting the game is the large roster of fighters. For a game that was made in 1989, having eleven fighters to choose from is quite an impressive feat; especially considering that the Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter 2 ports for Game Boy couldn't squeeze in all of their original fighters. Ok, so maybe most of the fighters in Fist of the North Star look near-identical to each other - but it's still nice to have this many character options in a handheld game. Equally impressive is that there are unique backgrounds for each character battle - another feat that Mortal Kombat on the Game Boy could not accomplish.

Nice roster of characters!

It's nice that this game featured a head-to-head feature via the game boy link. However, anyone who remembers having a game boy and a stack of games will remember that most of your friends didn't have the same games you did - so it was tough to get a 2-player experience working on it. I would love to tell you about Team mode, but the problem of not having two game boys, a cable link, and two copies of this game doesn't permit me. However, it's easy enough to guess that team mode involves picking 5 fighters and going up against your opponent's set of 5 fighters. Neat idea; but as I said - it's tough to find other folks who also have the same game and a Game Boy. That being said - if you had two copies of this game I could see having fun beating up your buddies via the Game link - so kudos for the feature.

Like Yin and Yang or light and dark - good usually comes hand-in-hand with bad, and there's a handful of things about Fist of the North Star that almost make the mark but just fall short. For starters, the graphics are average at best. I realize it is a Game Boy game (and a relatively early one at that) but there is very little to distinguish the characters from one another aside from the two tubby characters and how many fireballs they do or don't throw. The amount of characters and backgrounds is a huge plus mark - but I've seen what the Game Boy is capable of producing and this barely scratches the surface. Also, the music is sort of middle of the road as well. On the positive side - there are a handful of different stage themes to keep things varied. However, there are only about four or so, so they get repetitive and stale in really short order. If you also decide to play on beyond beating the game once you will be treated to these songs all over again.

If only he'd come over here and taste my shoe

Sadly, along with the good and the bad: there's also the downright ugly. This comes in the way of the control scheme, hit detection, speed, and move list. For starters - I owned this game for months before I discovered that you can charge your punch attack to shoot off fireballs. If you're a kid who got your games, tore open the box, threw the instruction manual in a pile with all of the others in a drawer, and cracked into the game - how the heck would you know that?! Aside from this fireball move, a punch and a kick - that's more or less the extent of your available attacks. No throw maneuvers, Haddukens, Scorpion spears or Fatalities - just punch, kick, and fireball (and some characters don't even have that.) The controls are stiff and lifeless; they're ineffective at close range and often leave you in a stand-off with other enemies that are ducking and trying to kick you while you stand and try to punch them, neither character connecting or gaining any ground. You can jump into the stratosphere (supposing your character has the jump function) but that rarely helps in any way or form unless you're shooting off fireballs from the sky. It seems without fail that if you're trying to jump over your opponent in order to sneak attack them, they usually have ample time to catch up to you as you land and smack you silly. Hit detection is a crap shoot - sometimes fireballs connect - sometimes they don't. Because of the tendency for fights to become an unending stand-off, you usually have to resort to cheap tricks like "charge fireball, jump, fire it off, wash, rinse and repeat." I've beaten the game several times using the exact same move against every character in the game.

The difficulty is tough to determine. If you can get a good strategy together with hitting enemies with cheap projectiles, you'll beat the game in 15 minutes or less. However, if you get into hand-to-hand combat you're looking at a hairier experience. Also, beating the game once does not mean your game is completely over - you can continue to play to level up your character - with that also making the enemies marginally more difficult.

Is Fist of the North Star one of the best fighting games you'll ever play? No. However, as far as handheld fighting games go, you could do a lot worse. Even though it's not as pretty as say, Mortal Kombat or Killer Instinct for the Game Boy - it controls *slightly* better, has way more characters to choose from and levels, and also has a bit more playability by letting you continue to level up past one playthrough. Sure, the Engrish is hilariously bad, the controls could have used some serious work and the music can get grating at times - it's still a really cheap and accessible fighter for the Game Boy. For the price Lukie Games has it for you should get two copies and go head-to-head with your buddies!

Souther is level up! I am of having fantastic celebrations!

Golgo-13: Top Secret Episode (NES)

2011-11-26T23:56:00.001-05:00

It’s a secret to everybody.

It is not every day I discover a gem while I’m derping around a mall attempting to avoid the hassle of actually clothes shopping for the incoming winter; it was however ordained that the game trader would carry one of the greatest NES games it has ever been my pleasure to play, this game was Golgo-13. Golgo-13 is an action RPG that consistently switches between multiple modes as you journey to clear your name before the KGB manages to kill you. From my research into this game prior to playing it I noted that this particular game went largely unnoticed upon its release, one of the many gems of the console that never truly received the recognition it deserved.

Golgo-13: Top Secret Episode is based upon the manga of the same name, which at the time of the release of the American Localization had never reached North American soil so for the most part the average player of this game would be unawares of many of the references in the game, most notably the main characters moniker “Golgo-13”. American localization and censorship heavily took a toll on this particular game as many of it’s original sexual, and violent references were removed to spare the western audience from such horrors, as such many cut scenes come off as a tad awkward and several sprites were edited in order to remove anything deemed sexual.

It certainly is a beautiful evening.

The gameplay controls are very tight for an early nes title, and the game itself is very solid as there are different modes of play you will go through as you advance throughout the game. Though despite all these modes of play there is one constant, at certain intervals during any given stage you will either see a gun or the like which would startup a first person shooting scene where you must turn around and shoot at your adversaries as they dodge around attempt to kill you.

By the way, he’s shooting all of these with a handgun, that shoots missiles.

Most vidya game use a lives system where when you die you lose a life and after you run out you are treated to a game over screen and forced to restart, Golgo-13: Top Secret Episode takes this differently, instead of lives you have “Episodes” in total you have 52 “episodes” and when you run out you are immediately taken back to the start menu and forced to start the game over again. These episodes do not start at 52 and go down like a normal lives system would, these instead count up as if each attempt were part of a series with the last life being the ultimate conclusion. This game has been well noted for its interesting life system and in my opinion it makes the game more interesting for it, however these lives come at a cost, there is no save or password feature so you are forced to tough out the entire game in one sitting. The game isn’t to long and can be beaten in an hour or so if you know what your doing.

I personally think this is the coolest title screen in the world, oh and the #2 is the life county thing I mentioned.

The stages you traverse through will change as you will go from walking through a town one second and be flying around in a helicopter the next second, later you may even be swimming in the ocean or exploring unending mazes. Throughout all these stages your actions remain largely the same, you move forward and shoot, the only time in which this changes is when you are on foot in which you have the option of jumping and delivering a kick which causes things to explode. An interesting aspect of the game is that your HP consistently counts down but whenever you kill an enemy you gain both HP and ammo, which in my expert opinion is absolutely ballin.

All Green Shirts exist purely to feed your life force.

Remember how I mentioned multiple modes of play? Well there are quite a few of them; they are the standard side-scrolling stages where you are Golgo-13 and you kick and shoot your way across whatever part of the world you are in, the next is the stage where you fly a helicopter and shoot other planes (like in any side-scrolling space shooter), there is an underwater stage where you swim around which controls like a combination of the Helicopter and Walking stages, another mode of play that will honestly be frustrating are the first person maze stages which I will discuss later.

Yes, even these flying contraptions with spinning circlie-doo’s exist to feed your life force.

Before I talk about the maze stages I will mention one of the more interesting facets of Golgo-13: Top Secret Episode, the game has some cut-scenes but what really stands out is the NPC interactions Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode has lots of interactions, whenever you enter a building or station there is an NPC which will engage you in conversation and at certain instances you will be able to talk to NPC’s which happen to be walking by.

The NPC’s will commonly give plot related info, or advice for how to move on in the game; sometimes people will just complain to you about how they hate communists.

There aren’t really that many cut-scenes as opposed to the NPC interactions what more the cut-scenes are limited in content.

They are pretty much this, but for about a minute or two.

Now I feel that it is imperative that I talk about the maze stages, as these very stages are the bane of any person who has had to play through this game. These mazes are difficult, if anything they are the most difficult part of this game as they lack any kind maps to help you find your way to the end, and they are typically filled with soldiers and traps trying to kill you. To make matters worse to the unseasoned player there is a maze in this game which was put in specifically to kill the player, this particular maze has no ending and goes on into infinity. Aside from the dick move that is the infinity maze the other mazes require patience, a good hand at mapmaking(or a Google search for online maps), and a quick trigger finger for killing the soldiers before they can hit you. Though I think it’s best that I let you glean a better understanding of what horrors these mazes are, so below I shall include a brief video highlighting the mazes.

Surprisingly enough I found this game while thrift store shopping and was honestly astonished by what a great game this is, I find that it holds a good deal of replayability in it as the game has lost of little odds and ends in it (i.e. the thermal goggles, and NPC interactions) that are easy to miss. This game is hard to pin into any given category such as “Platformer” or “FPS” as the game combines elements of an RPG, with side-scrolling occasional platforming, with beat-em up action with interspersed first person shooter segments. So if you are a fan of any of those things it’s probably a good bet you will enjoy this game. This game has become a personal favorite of mine and I believe that if you (the reader) were to give it a chance it would occupy a special place in your heart as well.

Long story short: This is a good game that is relatively inexpensive so you should get a copy.

Fun Fact: This game has a sequel, so if you enjoyed this you would most likely enjoy the sequel which is an aesthetically pleasing prettier and more finely tuned sibling to this diamond. It is called, Golgo-13: The Mafat Conspiracy.

X-Kalibur 2097 (SNES)

2011-11-23T23:06:00.001-05:00

EXXXXXXXTTTTTRREEEEEEEMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!!

In the near future mankind will advance so far that they will begin to use the letter “X” to replace the “ex” at the beginning of any all words which start with them such as xtreme, or xkalibur. This game stars a man named Slash, as he adventure’s through the apparent anarchic future where crime runs rampant as he attempts to retrieve his stolen girlfriend. The game alternates between being a platforming game to being a fighting game as all boss battles happen in a one on one battle similar to that of Street Fighter only with four actual moves and clumsy controls. Yes I said it, this game has clumsy controls, but I’ll get to that later, for now I lets look at the games story and plot.

You are playing as Slash who is one of the few people left in the great metropolis of Neo New York who works for (what I assume to be) the local government. He is teamed up with his partner Alix and they both work to uncorrupt the city. Naturally this doesn’t work out as Raptor the current “warlord” of the city runs it with both mutants and his mob. Raptor fears these two individuals as Slash has the magical sword X-Kalibur which for some reason means that he is a threat and must be eliminated. Over the course of the game Slash battles his way through Neo New York City as he attempts to bring down Raptors regime.

It’s still nowhere near as cool as Neo Olde Tokyo.

Now for actual gameplay, the game is a sidescrolling platformer that alternates into an arcade style fighting game for boss battles. Both modes of play control exactly the same, you have only two types of attacks a regular quick attack which in the platforming portions of each level you will mostly rely upon, the other attack is a strong attack however, there is a second delay where you are completely prone to any attack after using it (seriously, you pause for about a second or so and can’t move or anything); your other two buttons block and jump respectively (you will want to get used to blocking). The actual platforming isn’t terrible and the controls are fairly tight for it, though it’s the boss fights that are where the controls turn bad.

Only the best soldiers are trained to run forward into their enemies instead of using those cowardly “guns” they have.

The boss’s in the game generally have a longer reach and faster attacks. As a result, they (the bosses) are ridiculously difficult to defeat unless you are incredibly patient and lucky. I’m not exaggerating either, the boss’s do not play around in the battles they will attack when you get close, and will block whenever you attack, competence is something they definitely have.

Don’t make me ellipses at you!

Now there’s an additional mode to this game, a two-player fighting mode where you are able to play as either Slash or any of the boss characters in the game, obviously the mode is not unique and the only thing of note about it is that you are able to play as the bosses that gave you trouble in the single player mode. This mode controls the same as in the single player mode where all the character have two attacks, a block, and a jump, nothing fancy; the bosses all have unique attacks which makes for interesting fights if you want to pitch Raptor against Tattoo (obviously Tattoo would win because he’s so incredibly cheap).

Now I’m not going to nit pick at this game but I will address it’s biggest and most prevalent problem which is the one on one controls, being that your strong attack leaves you vulnerable it’s impractical to regularly use it forcing you to stick to your weaker quick attack, what more the bosses do not suffer from the vulnerability as they can quickly switch to their quick attacks or block immediately after their regular attack. The controls aren’t even something you can just get used to, you have to wait until the enemy chooses to do nothing and that is when you are given an opportunity to attack.

I firmly understand that in order to prevent spamming of your strong attacks its necessary to impose some limitations, but to not apply those to the enemies which can destroy you in several hits is madness. X-Kalibur 2097 despite all this isn’t an awful game, it’s actually quite enjoyable for those seeking a challenge or who just want to play a cheesy fighting game (read: multiplayer mode). I’d recommend this to platforming aficionados who like a good challenge, though for those who are looking for a quick pick up and play game this should probably be avoided as the difficulty offsets the replay ability if you aren’t that into it. One thing I should point out about this game before I end this review is that the band Psykosonik composed the music for this game, which apparently was a pretty big deal way back when (i.e. the 1990’s). Also another thing to note is that the game sprites and animations for them are all very well done and from an aesthetic point of view this game is superb. If I were to give this game a rating with some sort of star system I would probably give it a 3/5

Fun fact the major ad campaign for this game pushed the fact that Psykosonik composed the music for the game, so much in fact that all the ads for the game pretty much gleaned over the fact that there were things other then the soundtrack that were what made up a game.

Kind of a big deal.

Totally a big deal.

Kind of seriously a big deal.

Mortal Kombat (SNES)

2011-11-23T20:49:00.009-05:00

Many politicians, concerned parents, religious leaders, teachers, and the like have discussed, debated, and railed about whether or not violent video games produce violence in reality. It's a topic that's probably a bit too heavy for this particular blogger's taste (or maybe I just don't feel like citing research. After all, that was what college was for.) Given that we're here on a video game retailer's blog, it would stand to reason that I take the opposite view of this: violent video games do not have a causal relationship with violent behavior. And it's true: I've played plenty of violent video games and never had the urge to off anybody (outside of maybe driving through downtown traffic - but I don't blame Carmageddon for that one.)

However, I would love to play devil's advocate for a second. I would like to take you back to the first time you played Street Fighter II or Mortal Kombat in the arcade. Remember the intensity with which you played (probably against another player,) and how feverishly you hit the buttons? How your sole aim was to smack that other dude's character silly? Remember jumping up and down when you won or banging your fist on the machine when you lost? How about the glee you had when you finally unlocked the first fatality or figured out how to pull off any of Zangief's moves in SF2 (which are honestly like deciphering Sanskrit to me.) Sure, you didn't run out and punch a baby afterwards - but you have to admit that these games unlocked a very reptilian part of your brain that Bubble Bobble just doesn't. A Roman Coliseum of bloody pixels and sweaty joysticks.

Sweet, glorious violence! Call Slayer - it's Raining Blood!

As far as fighting games went in the early 90's: there were two frontrunners. The original button-mashing, quarter muncher - Street Fighter 2 and the ultraviolent new kid on the block - Mortal Kombat. They were the Coke & Pepsi of the arcades and people would line up to play both: memorizing special moves and seeing how far they could make their 25 cents last. I loved me some Street Fighter, but Mortal Kombat was my jam. So when Midway released the game on home consoles in 1993/1994, (I'm embarrassed to admit this) I bought the game on every system I had. Now THAT'S dedication. The Sega Cd version was probably the most accurate console version I had (it was the most faithful to the arcade,) and the Genesis and Game Gear versions had all of the fatalities and blood intact by way of the famous "ABACABB" code, and the game boy version was...well...Mortal Kombat on a Game Boy. However, it's the Super NES version that is a true oddity and served to cause controversy among fans and had myself and many others scratching our heads in confusion.

They did leave in the part where Scorpion gets a splinter

Nintendo has had a long history of censorship over the years in regards to games that are ported over from arcades and games that are imported from Japan. Often games with politically incorrect humor, taboos such as smoking, sexual innuendos, salty language, religious elements and of course blood and guts - would either get the axe or get trimmed or somehow otherwise censored when released for the Nintendo or Super Nintendo. Sure, there's a handful of games that break with these rules - and they seemed to have been enforced on a game-to-game basis, but a game as bloody and controversial as Mortal Kombat was bound to be stripped of its blood when it was released for the Super NES and Game Boy. The question is this: does this hurt the game and are there any areas where the Super NES is superior to the other ports? Let's dig in!

The plot is pretty basic: you play as one of seven fighters (each with their own backstory) competing to the death in a fighting tournament called Mortal Kombat. You must beat the other 6 opponents, a mirror version of yourself, a few tag-team battles, and finally the shapeshifting master Shang Tsung and his 4-armed henchmonster Goro. Each of the characters have their own unique special moves and a finishing move that can be executed while your enemy is stunned at the end of the final match. These finishing moves are primarily where the Super NES version differs from the arcade game and the Sega ports - as instead of ripping out spines or hearts, you're dealing a weak punch or kick to the chest. A few of the less gruesome fatalities still exist, such as Raiden frying combatants into a pile of ash or Scorpion roasting them into a science lab skeleton complete with "oh no!" face. No longer do big, unrealistic droplets of blood rain from the sky when you uppercut your opponent - instead, they spray sweat off of their foreheads like a tubby kid trying out for track.

We could fight...but I'd rather talk about the deficit!

Is the omission of graphic violence a bad thing? Well, sort of. After all, half of the appeal of the Mortal Kombat franchise lies in the absurd humor of ripping a fella's head off and dangling his spine like a mobile. That being said, the SNES version does a lot of things right. For starters, the graphics are possibly the best of any version of Mortal Kombat; including the arcade version. The shading is crisp, the sprites look cleaner and even more lifelike, and truth be told the sweat spray is a smidge more realistic than the globs of hemoglobin that splattered everywhere in the arcade and Sega versions. Heck, if you want a small taste of the ultraviolence you can hook the cart up to a Game Genie and there's a code that will turn the sweat into a burgundy color - not quite the same but it sorta works. The health bars are bigger, the sprites are bigger, and the overall detail level is great. This trend of graphical excellence continued when the second installment came out for the SNES (with all of the gloopy, gory violence intact!) The gameplay is solid, the controls are easy to master and you don't have any of the choppy loading that the Sega CD version has (which was always one of the most frustrating elements of that system.) The sound and music are also top notch and capture the arcade's thunderous music. This game always had a great soundtrack and the SNES version is one of the most faithful representations of the arcade's thumping tunes. So it really comes down to how much you miss all of those body parts in the pit stage and tearing out someone's heart and showing it to them.

Hellooooo Nurse!

We know what's missing: the blood. Anyone who wants that should feel free to pick up the Genesis version of MK1 or pick up any of the follow-up games for the SNES. Though the Sega CD version was most faithful to the arcade out of the early ports - the SNES version had a leg up on that version in several different aspects including graphics, load times, and overall gameplay. It's a port that perhaps didn't get a fair shake simply because of the lack of violence. While we all love a good gladiator fight - maybe solid graphics and fun gameplay trump that every now and then. Then again, sometimes they don't. Pick up a copy from Lukie Games and judge for yourself!

She fell into a pit of spikes and didn't hit a' ONE on the way down!

The Blues Brothers (NES)

2011-11-20T17:10:00.010-05:00

The good ol' days of Saturday Night Live are regarded with a level of nostalgia that is hard to compete with. It's not hard to find someone who pines for the old casts that included John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, Eddie Murphy and more. These are the kind of folks who believe any SNL episode after the late 80s is a total stinker and love the old episodes so much that they often forget that for every hilarious 70's and 80's sketch - there were about 6 horrifically unfunny ones. Those are still about the odds we're working with in today's incarnation: about 1 out of 10 sketches is full of belly laughs and a few chuckles can be had here and there to fill up the remaining hour and a half.

The SNL franchise was so popular that they decided to make film spin-offs of some of their most popular sketches. Low and behold, take a guess at what the batting average is for these films. There are 11 total SNL films: of which one film is known as an absolute classic (The Blues Brothers,) two are known as campy, fun, goofball comedies (Wayne's World 1 & 2,) and then... Well, at least "It's Pat" had Ween in it. That counts for something. All kidding aside, The Blues Brothers is a classic film that stands the test of time and is able to sustain an action packed, 2+ hour, chuckle-worthy film with some great music. It didn't lean on audience's appreciation for the sketches - it stood on its own two feet as a great piece of cinema. So, the Blues Brothers were a great idea for sketches, a great film idea (if you don't count Blues Brothers 2000,) so how does it translate into a video game? Titus released a Blues Brothers game for the NES in 1992; so let's see if it stands up to the reputation of the classic film.

Someone call Mega Man. He's used to this spike nonsense.

One of the first things you'll notice when popping in the Blues Brothers for the NES is that the presentation is actually quite impressive. For starters the music is one of the areas where this game really shines. The tunes from the movie such as the Henry Mancini's Peter Gunn theme and Solomon Burke's "Everybody Needs Somebody To Love" come through really well and sound just like their full-band counterparts. The tunes are funky and bluesy and work perfectly for the game - this is one of the better NES soundtracks out there. The same level of praise can also be offered for the more than competent work done with the graphics. Jake and Elwood look great! They're fun, cartoony representations of Belushi and Aykroyd and the enemy sprites (particularly the police officers) are well shaded and look great!

"Illinois Nazis." "I hate Illinois Nazis."

However, speaking of sprites - I have a bone to pick with the developers of this game. While there are literally hundreds of Nintendo games that have an unfortunate amount of "stock" "boring" and "generic" enemies - this Blues Brothers game is a worse offender because you can see that they tried hard to capture the magic of the movie with the way the Blues Brothers look as well as some of the level designs. The potential was there: it's just like they gave up after creating the guard dog, the police officer and the Blues Brothers. Look how many people were chasing the Blues Brothers in the movie! Look to your source material! How hard would it have been to slap a cowboy hat on the cop sprite and make it an angry redneck? Heck, the cops look exactly like Illinois Nazis anyway so you could have just palette swapped those bad boys and had your angry racist sprites. Prison guards! Angry groupies with missile launchers! Nuns with rulers! Come on, this movie had more enemies than you could shake a harmonica at - and instead we got sharks in swim goggles, non-descript spike balls, and spiders. What a cop out!

What exactly IS that thing?!

The biggest hurdle this game has in terms of being a solid game or not are the controls. Sadly, the controls could have used a bit more tweaking and this game would have been a near perfect platformer. The Blues Brothers just move too haphazardly and too fast. The scheme is near identical to the original Super Mario Bros: you can run and jump with the two corresponding NES buttons and that's about the long and short of it. There aren't really any attacks at your disposal so your best bet is to avoid touching enemies at all cost. This goal wouldn't be so difficult if it didn't feel like Jake and Elwood slide across greasy tile floors every time you try to get them to stop. Precision landing is difficult, though not impossible and jumping can land you in the right direction most of the time. However, when you miss a platform it can cost you dearly - dropping you down levels below that you really don't want to have to trudge back up again. The game is fairly generous by giving you 3 hits, 3 lives, and 2 continues - but there are still a handful of areas where you're likely to use these up. The difficulty level is average to moderately difficult; depending on how much of a struggle the controls are for you and how acquainted with platformers you are.

The level designs are decent, but they too are fairly unimaginative. The city level at the beginning is a fun slice of platforming goodness, but then we're treated to a few boring platform staples. Yes, there's an underground sewer level (which I *guess* is appropriate given the Carrie Fisher scene. However, it's still an NES cliche'.) There's levels that have icy platforms - as if controlling your character wasn't hard enough to begin with. The level designs are also like the character designs - a few great ideas that have roots in this awesome movie (first city level, jailhouse, etc.) and then the rest. You know what would have been nice - getting out of the country bar alive or having a car chase, etc. The game would have benefited by having more scenes from the film and less...well...generic gameplay. In a license that has so many classic obstacles and badguys there's no excuse to have at least two or three levels that have very little to nothing to do with the movie and to have sharks with goggles or egg-laying birds as bad guys.

SEWER LEVEL!!!11omg!!!1

So how does the Blues Brothers game stack up? It's a fairly average platformer in the style of the Flintstones games and Super Mario Brothers and it does do a lot of things right in spite of some lackluster enemies and levels. The music and graphics are superb and compared to the Wayne's World games, this is clearly the winner in the SNL related game department. Sadly, there was no "Stuart Saves the Galaxy" or "Pat's Amazing Gender-venture" for the SNES or Genesis. That would have been something. The Blues Brothers game is relatively inexpensive and does have some fun moments to be had for hardcore platformers - I just wouldn't rank it in the top 5. As far as license games go - it falls somewhere in the middle of the pack: by far not the worst, but not the best either. If you're curious, I recommend picking it up at Lukie Games

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game

2011-11-13T11:31:00.012-05:00

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say this but, my childhood pretty much revolved around three things: Ghostbusters, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and my NES. I watched Ghostbusters I & II just about every week on HBO, made sure to catch the Turtles every Saturday morning, and typically favored playing Mega Man 3 to doing homework. So what is a kid to do when game developers combine two of my childhood loves together? In the case of Ghostbusters - run away screaming. However, in the case of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, there's a lot to love about the video game series.

For the uninitiated, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles started as a dark, violent-as-heck, action-packed comic book series by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. The early comics were gritty and violent - not unlike the works of Frank Miller. This vision of the turtles shifted whenever the franchise was licensed into the exciting realms of television, toys, and film. What were once a team of young mutated ninja assassins became a lovable troop of colorful slapstick - the Three Stooges meets California surfer culture. To most of us, this was the only version of the Turtles we knew; and we ate it up like a big, cheesy slice of greasy Pizza Hut pizza.

Pizza Hut. Sponsoring childhood obesity since 1990.

Konami released four different Turtle-themed games for the NES: An action platformer, two awesome arcade-style beat-em-ups, and a fighting game. The first and fourth game in the series were nice enough - but for my money - the best games in the series are TMNT II: The Arcade Game and TMNT III: The Manhattan Project. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II is based on the 1989 arcade machine by Konami. Having played both the arcade hit and the 1990 NES port; I can say that, while it's not a picture perfect port, there's a whole lot to love about the NES version.

The arcade intro: Similar - but different.

While the graphics aren't 100% identical to the arcade version (obviously,) they look really darn good for an NES title. One of the shining features of the first game were the graphics and this game took that level of presentation and exceeded it. Sprites are big and colorful, with crisp clean lines and detail. Sure, it may not look exactly like the cartoon - but the cutscenes are nicely animated and the level design and sprites do a faithful job of recreating the feel of the arcade version. The sound effects and music also do a great job representing what the arcade felt like. The music is fast and funky - like hard rock music in full retro 8-bit glory, and every slash, punch, and exploding foot soldier sound-effect is there and accounted for. It's nice to hear the iconic TMNT theme song well represented here. The only major thing missing is some of the voice over clips that the arcade version had, but when listening to some of the garggly monster noise voice clips from games like Ghostbusters and Blades of Steel - do you really miss them? Heck, listen to the "Cowabunga" from Turtles III and tell me you really miss those "voice-through-a-tin-can" sound clips.

Worst. Trust fall. Ever.

The gameplay is fast, fun, and addictive. Anyone familiar with the standard Double Dragon-style beat-em-up will be able to pick this game up without any problems. The premise is simple: you smash, slash, slice, and dice countless faceless, nameless foot soldiers in a variety of exciting colors until you reach a boss at the end of each stage. Most of the early enemies from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles universe are well-represented here: we have Krang, Bebop and Rocksteady, Shredder, Baxter Stockman, and even a few new characters designed just for the NES port. One of the bonuses of having the NES version over the arcade is that many of the levels are longer and there are a couple of new bad guys thrown in the mix.

Rocksteady's packin' some serious firepower.

While some versions of the arcade game were 4-player compatible, sadly this version allows only a maximum 2-players. While it would have been nice to have Satellite compatibility and all four turtles on the screen at once, the two-player feature is a must. This really is a game best played between two people. For starters, the difficulty level is pretty high for a single-player experience. It's nice to have three lives and three continues, but I found myself frequently using all of my lives up at the boss in each level because it's sometimes difficult to dodge or maneuver around their attacks without a buddy wailing on them while you slash away. Which does bring me to one other pet peeve I have with the game which is the hit-detection. This is kind of a notorious problem with a lot of early beat-em-ups, but you will swear that you struck the first blow only to be grabbed by a foot soldier or struck by a flying dagger that you swear you dodged. It can get frustrating - but it adds challenge for otherwise seasoned beat 'em up champions.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II is an awesome 2-player beat 'em up extravaganza. The graphics are great, the game is challenging and fairly long for a beat 'em up, and it's exactly what you need to cure your arcade blues. After all, arcades are a dying breed anyway so you can own a little slice of that excitement right on your very own NES. I not only recommend this game but also TMNT III. It's a great game and it's available right now at Lukie Games!

Woohoo! Another cheesy cart picture!

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (Super NES)

2011-11-09T09:11:00.004-05:00

Battletoads and I go way back. It was probably my favorite 2-player experience on the NES and a game so good that I was willing to play it on the black and white tv in my grandmother's room. You know what? It still looked freakin' awesome. The graphics were great, the music was groovy, and the action was outta this world. It was also one of the hardest games I had ever played. Amazingly, I had enough patience back then to at least make it to the final stage before dying. I swear a buddy of mine and I beat this thing. It was years ago - did we really beat it? Was it my imagination? A fever dream? Did Game Genie bless us in our quest? I still don't know for certain to this day.

In fact, a whole slew of gamers have had awesome experiences with Battletoads. It was insanely popular among all of my friends, it was infamous for that crazy difficulty level - heck, it's even the source of a popular internet meme/game store prank. No need to preorder a copy from Lukie Games, they've probably got some in stock as we speak! What started as a cult classic Nintendo game quickly spawned awesome sequels and spin-offs as well as a failed cartoon. They battled evil with Billy and Jimmy of Double Dragon fame in the crossover "Battletoads and Double Dragon," they destroyed rats in an over-the-top gruesome bash-fest for the arcades (my personal favorite,) and blasted onto the Super-NES in this 16-bit beat-em-up extravaganza "Battletoads in Battlemaniacs."

Epic double-fisted pig destroyer

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs was released in 1993 once again developed by Rare and published by Tradewest. It opens with the Battletoads landing their helicopter at a monastery where their trusty mentor Professor T. Bird is demonstrating a new artificial game generator by this company called Psicone. Suddenly a pig riding on the back of a dragon kidnaps the daughter of Psicone Inc's C.E.O. and Zitz, so it's up to Rash and Pimples to get them back. I suspect the Dark Queen might be behind these shenanigans. To anyone unfamiliar with the Battletoads games - I'm sure this plot sounds pretty Fruit-Loops, but that's half of the fun of Battletoads. It's all kinda nutty, but you learn to love it!

A pig on a dragon just stole a lady I barely know. Okay?

The first thing you'll notice when cracking into Battletoads in Battlemaniacs is that it's very similar in presentation to the original Battletoads. It's still a side-scrolling beat-em-up where enemies come atcha from every direction. The graphics are a great improvement over the original, but retain a lot of the original's cartoony charm. It actually reminds me a bit of the Arcade game that would come out about a year later - the action is tighter, the graphics are better, and the big over-the-top finishing attacks like the "battering ram horns" and the smashing mallet fist are big, bold, and hilariously cartoonish. The level design is great. It's neat to walk through the level and have craters form and cliffs and mountains pop from the ground. The music is pretty rockin'. It's like heavy metal in midi complete with squealing guitars. The sound effects are limited but effective - every punch, kick, and super attack emits a nice "Pip!" "Pap!" "Smack!" noise.

This might look familiar

Controlling Pimples and Rash should feel pretty familiar as little has changed since the NES days. That's both a good and a bad thing, I suppose. The controls feel nice and familiar like a comfortable old pair of sneakers. You only need two buttons; one for punching and one for jumping. In order to work your attacks into combos all you have to do is tap forward twice and hit punch to headbutt, or punch multiple times to work your special attack in. Hit detection is pretty close to perfect and the controls/hit detection feel tighter than the original game. The only major problem I have with the controls is the lack of innovation. You guys had 6 buttons to play with and stuck with just the two action buttons and no real deviation from the original control format from the NES. For shame! It's a very competent beat-em-up and the level design is interesting and innovative, I just wish they had worked a little harder on taking advantage of the Super Nintendo's capabilities.

Anyone familiar with the Battletoads series will know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that this game is tough. These games are notorious for their difficulty and I would be lying if I said that I beat this thing. It's rough because without another player helping out it really feels like you're getting swarmed with enemies. Most of the enemies are pretty easy to tackle with just a small flurry of hits - but some of the more powerful ones can be a pain to kill. You'll feel like you're having to smack around a Viking pig for 20 minutes before the darn thing bites the dust. Most of the difficult isn't so much in the enemies you face but the obstacles built into the level design. In the first level, there are plenty of pits, broken bridges, fireballs raining from the sky and other hazards that will do much more damage than a skeleton warrior or a raging hog will any day. Sometimes these enemies will come running at you from offscreen and knock you into said pits if you aren't careful.

Level hazards continue in subsequent levels like in stage 2 where you face off with spiky logs on both sides of the screen and descend down a pit ala Battletoads for NES. The real challenge comes when the screen speeds up to a frantic pace and you have to avoid the spikes with all of your might. This is where I have died, and died, and died again. That leads us to what the main strategy for all of the Battletoads games is - play, die, memorize, and repeat. Eventually you'll have fallen through every pit, gotten struck by every fireball, stabbed against every log and will have a better idea how to get through. This strategy would work well if it weren't for the very limited amount of continues you get - 2 continues and then it's game over. Overall the game has a few less levels than the first game and is a tiny bit easier - but you'll still get frustrated by nonsense hazards nearly everywhere.

Helloooo Nurse!

Overall Battlemaniacs is a good (though not perfect) follow-up to the insanely hard and quirky-as-heck original. It's really surprising that there weren't more entries in the Battletoads series since this game. Why weren't there any on the N64? Heck - there was even a Toejam and Earl game for the Xbox. Why no Battletoads? Anyway, this is a more than enjoyable 16-bit slice of beat-em-up toad action! You really ought to add yourself to the waiting list at Lukie Games because it's not often you can control a humanoid toad person and smack pigs with your hammer fist. Trust me - I've tried.

E.V.O. Search for Eden (Super NES)

2011-11-04T08:20:00.001-04:00

In 1859, Charles Darwin published his groundbreaking work "The Origin of Species: By Means of Natural Selection." It is one of those works that has revolutionized the way scientists view species development and has opened up scientific understanding of how life on this planet has changed, expanded, and branched-off over billions of years. Darwin's theories have come under scrutiny and have brought forth a fair amount of controversy from biblical literalists and fundamentalists - however, there is much to be gained from reading Darwin's work (or at the very least understanding the basics.) This opposition proposed a different theory - that of "intelligent design." A theory in which the universe was created by a supreme being and any variance in species is according to the plan of this deity.

One hundred and thirty four years after Darwin's "Origin" was published, video game company Enix released a revolutionary action/RPG/Simulation game for the Super NES called EVO: Search for Eden. It tells the tale of a creature that must evolve through a series of stages in order to win the favor of Gaia - the earth mother. The game fuses elements of intelligent design, polytheism, hippie-spiritualism, Darwinism, and a splash of good ol' fashioned alien-love for good measure. I have a hunch this isn't quite what Darwin had in mind.

Richard Dawkins just spit out his Fruity Pebbles after seeing this

E.V.O introduces us to our intelligent designer right off - The sun. The sun birthed the planets and decided that life will thrive on the third planet, Gaia. It is your job as one of these early creatures to evolve from a tiny fish into a land-based mammal in order to win a place next to Gaia in Eden. Does it sound like we're mixing up our science and mythologies yet? Best of all...

***spoiler alert***

...the means by which your character evolves are evolution crystals. These crystals were placed here on earth by Martians. I'm not making that up - I totally wish I were.

Alright, so maybe the mythology/plot of this game is totally bonkers but at least we can take comfort in knowing that the gameplay is a wonderful thing. You control your creature through several stages & worlds where you must battle tougher opponents and munch on weaker opponents in order to gain evolution points. These evolution points are the equivalent of XP in this game and help you to increase your various character stats. Every character change you make can have an effect on another attribute of your character so it's always wise to be conscious of this when you start thinking that your dinosaur really needs a wicked cool spiral horn and a pogo-jumping tail. Control is solid as can be as you move perfectly on command - can often run with a double-tap of the direction (which is usually a really nice feature in games such as this) your jump, attack and everything else is dependant on what you have/have not evolved on your character. This gives the game a really deep level of gameplay and allows for multiple run-throughs without getting bored and feeling you've done the same thing multiple times.

That is - until we discuss the one key flaw in this game (which, let's face it: is a key flaw in nearly every XP based RPG) which is grinding. Much like many games before and since - you have to grind for evolution points and it can become a chore at times. That's why the save feature is your friend and you've got to try your darndest not to die too often (lest you be willing to lose half of your EP progress.) If you don't mind spending an hour or two jumping on lizards in the middle section of the game, you'll be well rewarded through most of the rest of the game. It's primarily in that dinosaur stage and early mammal stages where you will spend the most time grinding as your enemies are probably some of the toughest there. Those darned bees...

YOW!

The graphics aren't likely to win the game a spot in any "best graphics" polls, but they definitely do more than get the job done. The graphics are colorful and cartoony - which may not be necessarily what you want for your big scientific game on evolution (but seeing as most of this game eschews real science for fun gameplay, convenient game mechanics, wacky storyline, and fence-sitting "have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too" Creatio-lution - this game isn't really much of an educational tool anyway.) The fun cartoony graphics have me cracking up at many different times because of the goofy expressions that characters make or just how wacky and deformed I can brew up a tragedy of evolution - complete with horns, wings, a spiked tail, and tiger jaws. That thing is 8 kinds of ridiculous and the slightly cheeseball cartoony graphics actually help lighten up the otherwise serious tone of the game. It is stylistically similar to Chrono Trigger in terms of color/character shading/development - just on a lesser scale.

The music is truly magnificent and something that adds an awful lot to this game. The score is full of harpsichord chimes, that classic "angel synth," brooding and heavy tunes and light orchestral numbers. The music can get a touch repetitive because of all of the time you're going to be spending in these worlds grinding for evolution points - but the music is as diverse and quality as can be expected. I especially enjoy some of the doofy sounding tunes that come up when you hit land for the first time. You'll hear a couple of really goof-ball droopy sounding tunes while blasting lizards in the head through the grass.

The only game where 'Green Meat' is something you strive for

The difficulty level is relatively low -with the occasional spike whenever you hit a boss. The most difficult boss is the final boss (an amoeba-like single-celled creature that spills objects, enemies etc. at you.) With a save feature and the fact that there's no real way to "die" in this game completely - Gaia will pretty much always revive you, stealing some of your evolution points along the way. It's all up to how iron is your will and how bad do you want to see the end.

E.V.O - Search for Eden is one of my all-time favorite games for the Super NES. It's an accessible RPG style life-simulation game that shouldn't be hard for folks who are new to the genre. It's also an incredibly unique game: very few games have come around to tackle a topic such as this and none have done it as well as EVO as far as I'm concerned. Some folks might be put off by the evolution aspect - and yet others might not dig the fact that there's shockingly little science in a game based on a scientific theory. If you belong to either camp - nothing I'm going to say is going to change your position. For the rest of us who can appreciate a game for what it is (and even perhaps for what it isn't) this is the game for you. It's addictive, it's unique, it's original, - sure, it's a smidge pricey - but it's totally worth it. Get a relatively rare, sought-after, and mostly well-regarded Super NES classic. You'll be glad you did!

Does this mean I'm OT VIII?

Terrifying Terrible Terrors - Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust (xbox 360, PS3)

2011-10-31T12:41:00.005-04:00

You are in a cramped, dingy room. Swinging miserably like a thief at the gallows hangs a solitary lightbulb - crusted black and lassoed by a chain turned green with rust. The cold tile floor is oppressive against your shins as you sit chained against a metal cot, also caked with years of grime with enough rust to give a T-rex lockjaw. Just above your eyesight is a miserable looking 4x4 window - covered with tinfoil, barred up, and locked down tight. The only means of escape is an iron door - that is not only locked from the outside but the rust on the hinges makes for an airtight seal.

"How long have I been here?" You mutter aloud.

The lightbulb is dimming fast and the only other light in this cell is radiating from a single 20" flatscreen and a flashing green circle eminating from a blood caked Xbox 360. At your feet lies a pink Xbox 360 controller. Will this finally unlock the secret to your capture? Will you find comfort and rescue in the arms of a pretty rockin' game of Gears of War 3?

No.

All that sits before you is a single disc. A jester-like figure staring back at you with a crooked smile in his grin and bright pink packaging suggest a light-hearted romp through the backlots and bedrooms of hollywood. You feel a ping of nostalgia and your heart starts to flutter with the memory of by-gone days. You remember fondly trying to stuff that 30 pound big-gulp in your pants in Leisure Suit Larry 2, the wacky mishaps at La Costa Lotta spa in Leisure Suit Larry 6, the wacky confusion of the convenience store clerk trying to sell you a lamb-skin "lubber" in Leisure Suit Larry: In the Land of the Lounge Lizards. Your PC was full to the brim with Sierra goodness and Al Lowe's smiling, bald head gave you comfort where you thought none could be had. The saxaphone music, the sexy women, the cheesy puns, the angry Russians - you recall it all with a fond heart and true love. Like an old army buddy or a first kiss; this feels like home.

Just as quickly as those thoughts come they are thrust out of your consciousness like a newborn smacking against the grimey tile floor in this cruel and pitiful jailcell. You are forced to take control of Larry Lovage - the nephew of prized nerd lothario Larry Laffer. You've graduated from college in "Magna Cum Laude" and now take a job doing errands at a Hollywood movie studio. As you start to move your pitiful looking geeky man-boy the horror starts to set in pretty quickly. This game is not a Leisure Suit Larry game.

Every second ticks by like a fateful swipe of the sword of Damacles hanging above your head.

"Oh lord, please tell me that these controls are a cruel joke...please tell me it will get better."

OOOH NOOOOO!

Your pleas go unanswered. Larry Lovage walks around like a marionette with half of his strings busted. He skulks around the studio lot looking desperate and helpless. Will he finally find a vehicle to ride around so his hapless gait wont be confused for zombie shuffling? Yes, but the horrors only continue when he gets behind the wheel.

"Ohhhh!" The horrifying shriek passes your lips as you crash into sidewalls in your less-than-GTA3 quality driving mechanics. It would be like someone playing Mario Kart with half of your d-pad buttons missing. It's almost as if the programmers are saying "try playing this game, we dare you!"

The truest and most cruel horror comes during the cutscenes and they come fast and frequent like a Louisville slugger to the cranium. The jokes are beyond stale. The humor is nonexistant. All that is left are horrible fart jokes and salty language that is so potty-mouthed that it doesn't even make sense. Why is EVERYONE cussing in every line of dialogue? You're far from a prude, but even in your hazy - possibly drugged state, you can recognize that these F-bombs are being placed here instead of actual humor.

Not funny. I'm sorry - try again.

Every time one of these celebrity voice-over actors spills another line of puke onto the screen you only feel more sorry for them than you do yourself. They are being rendered into ugly, horrifying creatures.

Graphics so terrifying that they make an Atari Jaguar look cutting-edge.

"Why does everyone look like their face is made from shattered pixels and octagons crammed into a blender? Why do the women all look like aliens? Why is the dialogue so bad?!"

Sooo not sexy. I'd rather play "spin-the-bottle" w/ Snookie

And then finally, you reach the boiling point of frustration. Youre about to be escorted out of an office by security gaurds and are forced to fight them and duke it out. You have never experienced anything as truly awful as this.

"His attacks don't connect! He's useless! The game is fixed! The game is RIGGED!!!! The game is broken!!!!"

"BRING BACK AL LOWE! BRING BACK SIERRA! HELL, BRING BACK MAGNA CUM LAUDE! I'M SORRY!!!!! We all hated that game but that's only because we didn't know about Box Office Bust! We didn't know!!!! WE DIDN'T KNOW!!!!"

And just like that, with the last bit of energy left in your body - you slump over. Controller thumping against the grimy black tiles, all life and spirit expired.

Press Enter to Restart.

Remember - save early and save often!

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T10:33:00.001-04:00

I’ve been dying to use this picture (b-dum disssh)

Now I have a special treat for you, it’s a ghost story about a haunted game that has been passed around from place to place to place until it finally reached my ears and I deemed it up to your (the readers) standard for Halloween scary stories. Now I cannot safely vouchsafe for the validity of this story as I myself have not stumbled upon such a “unique” game, however I leave it up to you, the readers, to determine its ultimate credibility.

Well Lets get this party started then, here is the story of a man and his obsession with collecting obscure Pokemon game’s.

----------------------------------------------------------

“I’m what you could call a collector of bootleg Pokémon games. Pokémon Diamond & Jade, Chaos Black, etc. It’s amazing the frequency with which you can find them at pawnshops, Goodwill, flea markets, and such.

They’re generally fun; even if they are unplayable (which they often are), the mistranslations and poor quality make them unintentionally humorous.

I’ve been able to find most of the ones that I’ve played online, but there’s one that I haven’t seen any mention of. I bought it at a flea market about five years ago.”

Here’s a picture of the cartridge, in case anyone recognizes it. Unfortunately, when I moved two years ago, I lost the game, so I can’t provide you with screencaps. Sorry.

“The game started with the familiar Nidorino and Gengar intro of Red and Blue version. However, the “press start” screen had been altered. Red was there, but the Pokémon did not cycle through. It also said “Black Version” under the Pokémon logo.

Upon selecting “New Game”, the game started the Professor Oak speech, and it quickly became evident that the game was essentially Pokémon Red Version.

After selecting your starter, if you looked at your Pokémon, you had in addition to Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle another Pokémon — “GHOST”.

The Pokémon was level 1. It had the sprite of the Ghosts that are encountered in Lavender Tower before obtaining the Sliph Scope. It had one attack — “Curse”. I know that there is a real move named curse, but the attack did not exist in Generation 1, so it appears it was hacked in.

Defending Pokémon were unable to attack Ghost — it would only say they were too scared to move. When the move “Curse” was used in battle, the screen would cut to black. The cry of the defending Pokémon would be heard, but it was distorted, played at a much lower pitch than normal. The battle screen would then reappear, and the defending Pokémon would be gone. If used in a battle against a trainer, when the Pokéballs representing their Pokemon would appear in the corner, they would have one fewer Pokéball.

The implication was that the Pokémon died.
What’s even stranger is that after defeating a trainer and seeing “Red received $200 for winning!”, the battle commands would appear again. If you selected “Run”, the battle would end as it normally does. You could also select Curse. If you did, upon returning to the overworld, the trainer’s sprite would be gone. After leaving and reentering the area, the spot [where] the trainer had been would be replaced with a tombstone like the ones at Lavender Tower.
The move “Curse” was not usable in all instances. It would fail against Ghost Pokémon. It would also fail if it was used against trainers that you would have to face again, such as your Rival or Giovanni. It was usable in your final battle against them, however.

I figured this was the gimmick of the game, allowing you to use the previously uncapturable Ghosts. And because Curse made the game so easy, I essentially used it throughout the whole adventure.

The game changed quite a bit after defeating the Elite Four. After viewing the Hall of Fame, which consisted of Ghost and a couple of very under leveled Pokémon, the screen cut to black. A box appeared with the words “Many years later…” It then cut to Lavender Tower. An old man was standing, looking at tombstones. You then realized this man was your character.

The man moved at only half of your normal walking speed. You no longer had any Pokémon with you, not even Ghost, who up to this point had been impossible to remove from your party through depositing in the PC. The overworld was entirely empty — there were no people at all. There were still the tombstones of the trainers that you used Curse on, however.”

“You could go pretty much anywhere in the overworld at this point, though your movement was limited by the fact that you had no Pokémon to use HMs. And regardless of where you went, the music of Lavender Town continued on an infinite loop. After wandering for a while, I found that if you go through Diglett’s Cave, one of the cuttable bushes that normally blocks the path on the other side is no longer there, allowing you to advance and return to Pallet Town.

Upon entering your house and going to the exact tile where you start the game, the screen would cut to black.

Then a sprite of a Caterpie appeared. It was the replaced by a Weedle, and then a Pidgey. I soon realized, as the Pokémon progressed from Rattata to Blastoise, that these were all of the Pokémon that I had used Curse on.

After the end of my Rival’s team, a Youngster appeared, and then a Bug Catcher. These were the trainers I had Cursed.

Throughout the sequence, the Lavender Town music was playing, but it was slowly decreasing in pitch. By the time your Rival appeared on screen, it was little more than a demonic rumble.

Another cut to black. A few moments later, the battle screen suddenly appeared — your trainer sprite was now that of an old man, the same one as the one who teaches you how to catch Pokémon in Viridian City.

Ghost appeared on the other side, along with the words “GHOST wants to fight!”.

You couldn’t use items, and you had no Pokémon. If you tried to run, you couldn’t escape. The only option was “FIGHT”.

Using fight would immediately cause you to use Struggle, which didn’t affect Ghost but did chip off a bit of your own HP. When it was Ghost’s turn to attack, it would simply say “…” Eventually, when your HP reached a critical point, Ghost would finally use Curse.

The screen cut to black a final time.

Regardless of the buttons you pressed, you were permanently stuck in this black screen. At this point, the only thing you could do was turn the Game Boy off. When you played again, “NEW GAME” was the only option — the game had erased the file.

I played through this hacked game many, many times, and every time the game ended with this sequence. Several times I didn’t use Ghost at all, though he was impossible to remove from the party. In these cases, it did not show any Pokémon or trainers and simply cut to the climactic “battle with Ghost.

I’m not sure what the motives were behind the creator of this hack. It wasn’t widely distributed, so it was presumably not for monetary gain. It was very well done for a bootleg.

It seems he was trying to convey a message; though it seems I am the sole receiver of this message. I’m not entirely sure what it was — the inevitability of death? The pointlessness of it? Perhaps he was simply trying to morbidly inject death and darkness into a children’s game. Regardless, this children’s game has made me think, and it has made me cry.”

-----------------------------------------------------

Is it real, could it possibly be untrue? Some would believe that it lacked validity. However no one person can deny the existence of hacked Pokemon games. They can be easily found, so who is there to say that one cannot be hacked into being a nightmare? Hacks are prevalent all over the internet(and the Mexican border), it is obviously not to far-fetched to believe that someone who is either clearly demented, a brilliant man, or even a vengeful spirit may have created this horror of a game. I believe in it, do you?

Tiger-Heli (Nes)

2011-10-28T11:04:00.002-04:00

I bet PETA was enraged at this title.

Tiger-Heli is the first game developed by the now defunct Toaplan (and published by Taito), and originally was an arcade game with a great deal of popularity in Japan. Acclaim later published a port of the game onto the NES. Surprisingly the NES port is incredibly faithful to the arcade game, though this is because the arcade version lacked any sort of story so all they had to do was redo the levels for playability on the NES. I personally have a fondness for this game as it was one of the games I played in my younger years that I thoroughly mastered, and yet I can’t seem to get the knack for it now. (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻

At first glance they look pretty similar, non?

Anyhow The game is fairly simple an straight forward, you play as a helicopter pilot who is tasked with destroying the opposing enemy forces who for some reason lack any air support. Tiger-Heli consists of only 4 stages and upon completion…

(*!Spoilers!*)

The game repeats only harder. That’s right this game theoretically never ends until you run out of lives. This game is a pick up and drop shooter, you can come to it at any time and you can even play other games instead of it; Tiger-Heli will never get jealous.

The controls are simple, you can move in eight directions to any point on the screen, you also have at your disposal an unlimited supply of missiles and a limited supply of bombs. The missiles are your standard weapon thoroughfare that can be upgraded by grabbing floating you receives periodically so that’s pretty normal; it’s the bombs where things get fun, the bombs will destroy everything on screen (including enemy shots!) so if you use them right you can get through stages pretty easily. Another weapon you can find are these tiny helicopters which come in two flavors Grey, which shoot forward with the same attack power of your current missile attack, and Red which fire sideways with the same attack power of your current missile attack. Both mini-helicopters can take a hit for you serving as both an additional weapon and insanely enough, body armor.

They will totally die for you, that’s FRIENDSHIP!

The enemies in the game are tanks, artillery and battleships peculiarly enough the enemy forces have no planes or jets or anything. Don’t let this lack of aerial attackers fool you, the enemy tanks will give you more trouble then anything else, as they don’t play games. Enemy tanks will fire on you the moment you are in their sights and will not rest until they are off screen or destroyed, the same goes for the Artillery and Battleships though unlike tanks they cannot move.

They will not hesitate to murder you.

The game is incredibly simplistic and as such doesn’t require to much investment, it’s a play and put away game, which is for the most part one of its most endearing traits. Tiger-Heli is in my humble opinion one of the best top-down shooters for the NES I’d say its only possible rivals are that of 1942 and Skyshark. For those who like shooters, and people who especially like games that can be picked up and played without an assault of story this game is definitely for you. The best part has to be that the game is relatively inexpensive, so grab a copy!

I love the smell of 8-bit explosions in the morning.

Smash TV (NES Port)

2011-10-27T16:42:00.001-04:00

No TV’s were harmed in the making of this Review.

Money! Women! Cars! Toasters! These are what you’re working for in the game show game SMASH TV! This particular version of the game is a port from the Arcade version which was highly popular in the 90’s. The game also received ports to the two major systems at the time the SNES and Sega Genesis along with the Sega Game Gear and several home computers like the Amstrad CPC, and Atari ST. This particular port was of better quality than that of the Game Gear and the home computers but only paled in comparison to its 16-bit cousins the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis (Twice removed). The game is played from a top down perspective and it’s a shooter in its purest form. You blast enemies while trying to avoid their attacks all while grabbing fabulous prizes.

Off to kill hundreds to thousands of goons, tanks, and robots for fabulous prizes!

The game has no real story, but that’s easily forgiven based on its addictive gameplay, and surprisingly catchy soundtrack. The premise of the game is that you are a man who has been accepted to participate on the game show Smash TV, you must plow your way through hundreds of faceless goons, tanks, and strange machines to obtain the prizes and women you so desperately seek. The game comes in two flavors, Single Player and Multiplayer, exclusive to this port is the ability to use multiple controllers to control the direction you fire in instead of alternating between button A and B. You essentially use the control pad of a second controller to decide where you want to shoot, this makes it a lot easier to change firing direction but unfortunately demands the need for a multitap of sorts if you want to play with someone else.

“I’d buy that for a dollar!”

You are generally given free choice of what room you wish to go to as at the beginning of each level you are provided with a map with the layout of the rooms which tells you where the boss and treasure rooms are. The game only has three levels but don’t let the small number of levels fool you, they are each quite difficult and dying is incredibly commonplace.This isn’t a negative aspect as the difficulty of the game easily adds to its replay value. As only through replaying can you find the secret room and encounter the surprising final boss.

He prefers to be called a Mutoid American.

Graphics-wise the game is decent for a NES game. With some power-ups it’s hard to distinguish what they are on the ground, but after a few levels of blasting you’ll know what each one does. If you’ve been looking at the screenshots (See above and below) they are what to expect when playing this game. For the graphical purest this is not a game for you and is more for those who like games for they’re playability rather then their graphical capacity. However those who are fans of graphics need only look towards the SNES which has a version of it which is graphically superior.

I just finished slaughtering people and destroying robots and now I’m going to Disney land!

All in all I’d highly recommend this game as it’s a tough, fun and all-around rewarding game to have. If you don’t like its graphics then pick up the SNES port of it which is the exact same game (I am being so totally serious right now) only with better graphics. I personally find this to be the greatest shooter in the entire history of shooters, its simple, fun, and addicting (as a shooter should be), my friends and I like to play this and take turns to see who can get the farthest without dying. This is one of those games which is fairly inexpensive but contains hours of enjoyment which easily outweigh its relatively low price.

Onimusha: Warlords

2011-10-27T16:28:00.002-04:00

Onimusha Warlords is one of those games for the PlayStation 2 that flies off the shelves quickly at launch and then finds itself at the bottom of the bargain bin later. Onimusha Warlords was an early PS2 title released way back in (insert spooky voice) 2001. The game originally received fairly favorable reviews in the 8/10 margin and sold over (insert spooky voice here as well) two million copies worldwide. Onimusha despite its original favorable ratings over time began to feel dated to most people. A lot of people compare it to Resident Evil and some go as far as to say the game is Resident Evil only with Samurai instead of S.T.A.R.S.

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Onimusha and Resident Evil do share similar qualities though, that is undeniable, they both are survival horror games and they both use the same static camera angle which makes killing your enemies occasionally awkward. That’s about where the similarities end.

Onimusha takes place in the late 1500’s where you play as Samanosuke Akechi of the Akechi Clan, who is currently at war with the Oda. For those who are not familiar with history, Nobunaga Oda had a general who he trusted greatly, his name was Mitsuhide Akechi, one day he up and decided to betray Nobunaga and he ambushed him in Okehazama. This game takes place after this event, however Mitsuhide is captured and killed in the battle and Nobunaga is shot in the throat instead of being forced to commit to suicide. However that isn’t the end for Nobunaga as he mysteriously comes back to life to wreak his revenge on the Akechi clan. However it isn’t just soldiers Nobunaga employs, demons have sprung up all around the Akechi territory and are slaughtering everyone.

Samanosuke receives a letter that is several weeks old as he returns to Japan after a journey of discovery, the letter is a plea from his cousin to come and save her from what she believes to be some creature which has been stealing away all the servants and soldiers from around the castle. Samanosuke transforms and rolls out o go and save her with his ninja friend who is possibly the worst ninja ever. Seriously she wears orange, orange!

You know what, no she’s way better then that.

The game focuses around the main character who is attempting to save his cousin and prevent Nobunaga and his demon army from taking over the world. You adventure around the castle searching for Yuki and battle your way through hordes of demons while utilizing the power of the Ogre’s (Oni in the original Japanese version and in subsequent sequels). Aforementioned Ogre’s give you the power to destroy the demons, along with some nifty elemental swords you can unlock along the way.

Now this game has tankish controls similar to that of resident evil where you have to turn before you can go forward, once you get used to it the controls things will start to get easier (assuming you haven’t already mastered them after years of playing Resident Evil games). Samanosuke has three types of weapons he can use throughout the game, his trusty Katana (and its variants), a bow and arrows, and finally a rifle each of these has their own uses but for the most part you will spend the game using your sword.

The sword controls are fairly easy to learn and once you get the hang of them you can eventually one-hit kill any minor enemy. At your disposal you have a regular slashing combo, a downward stab for enemies that have fallen to instantly kills them, and finally a quick time move called Isshu which allows you to instantly kill any minor enemy attacking you by pressing the attack button right before the enemy hits you; at your disposal is also a guard which blocks attacks coming at you from any side, guard often, trust me, this game doesn’t play around. Oh, you also have a kick, this kick can be used to attempt to break guards and knock enemies over.

You can upgrade them as well.

Naturally being that this is a survival horror game, health pick ups and ammo for your non-sword weapons are incredibly scarce, so not getting hit is very important as its one of the few ways you can avoid dying. Enemies in this game do not play around, they can guard, and they will attempt to swarm you and murder you.

They seem to have an odd sense of fashion.

Iconic of any Capcom survival horror game this game has both puzzles and fetch quest. The puzzles come in the flavor of timed puzzles like trying to avoid being burned alive by columns of fire while exiting a room, and treasure puzzles which involve rotating numbers so they are in order, and ones that involve knowing symbols and inputting the right ones. Fetch quests though make up the largest amount of the game though as you will wind up running from one side of the castle to the other looking for the key to the next door, or the silver plate you need to open the door to get the golden plate.

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

One thing to note about this game, is that the game was originally slated for being released on the original PlayStation but due to the PS2’s release being so close and the game being only 50% done at the time the original game was scrapped and it was instead redone for the PS2. The graphics for the game are not the greatest but for the time in which it was released and compared to other games released at the beginning of the PS2’s lifetime Onimusha has great graphics. Though compared to later games they are fairly shoddy. The game utilizes static backgrounds like that of the early resident evil games, which are fairly attractive compared to the sprites.

Onimusha is one of my favorite games for my PS2 and one of those reasons is that the soundtrack for the game was composed by a deaf composer, soak that in for a second.

I bet his hair was pretty rockin’

Onimusha is a fairly inexpensive game no matter where you look, and well worth the price. The game is fairly short, it can probably be beaten in anywhere from 4-16 hours; amount of time to play the game isn’t a negative factor as the game has a lot of unlockables which can typically only be attained through repeated playing of the game. So go to your nearest lukigames and pick up a copy of the game, if you are a fan of survival horror of games reminiscent of Resident Evil this is the game for you. Oh and just so you know it has two sequels! Which means once you’re done with this you should grab those as well!

Mike Tyson's Punch Out

2011-10-24T23:50:00.001-04:00

The alternative to getting punched in the face.

At its core Mike Tyson’s Punch-out!! is a port of the arcade game Super Punch-out!! The main difference between the two is the addition of Mike Tyson as the final boss of the game. Believe it or not the reason Mike Tyson’s likeness was added to the game was merely because Minor Arakawa (Nintendo’s President at the time) thought he was really cool and idolized him. This game will always have a found place in my heart as it was the first video game I ever remember playing, even to this day I periodically take it out and attempt to take on Tyson (not that I’ve ever beaten him mind you >_> ). Mike Tyson’s Punch-out is fondly remembered by many as one of the best games on the NES next to Super Mario Bros'. and Legend of Zelda, and this is with good cause as the game itself is solid and very enjoyable to play.

Another version of the game was released some years after titled “Punch-out” Ol’ Mike had been experiencing a hard time and jail sentences and Nintendo wanted to avoid putting a person who was in trouble with the law on their games. Punch-out is nothing more then a direct port of the arcade game where you fight all the boxers from the arcade game and instead of Mike Tyson you have Mr.Dream at the end. For those who are price conscious Punch-out tends to be the cheaper alternative to Mike Tyson’s Punch-out though for the sake of this review you can safely infer that everything I’m about to say applies to both games with the exception of Mike Tyson being exclusive to his own game.

I just don’t trust that face.

The plot of the game is that you are playing as Little Mac, a young upstart from the Bronx who aspires to become the best boxer in the world. However this isn’t going to be easy as you have to face off against some of the greatest boxers in all the circuits like Super Macho Man, Soda Popinski, and the fearsome Glass Joe. Once you’ve punched your way to the top you get to face off against the heavy weight champion Mike Tyson.

This is a screenshot I took write before being instantly one hit KO’ed

The controls for the game are perfect, I have never in my years of playing this game every lost due to poor controls (I have however lost due to just plain sucking at it though). The controls are simple with the D-pad controlling your dodging, ducking, and whether you want to punch your opponent in the face and A and B controlling the left and right punches respectively. A neat thing about the gameplay is that each boxed has special moment during the split second before an attack that if you were to punch him would either instantly KO him or get yourself a Star for a super-punch.

They make funny faces.

The soundtrack for the game is both superb as it is subtle, I find myself periodically humming the title screen theme every so often and sometimes even the song that plays when Little Mac and Doc are training. Each character even has their own theme song which plays a the start of the first round, which is really nice and gives a feeling that each match itself is unique.

The graphics for the game are very good for a mid-life NES title, each character has a decent amount of detail to them and displays a range of facial expressions during any particular match. Another interesting thing of note is that prior to the first round starting the opposing boxer will perform an silly animation to accompany their song.

Though some aren’t even worth it.

One thing that is very important for any person to realize before playing this game is that it is going to be hard. This game requires deft reflexes and good timing, if not then you won’t even make it to Mike as Super Macho Man will destroy you with his over the top punches. Reflexes though are one of the things which can be honed, so don’t get to upset while playing if you wind up losing against Piston Honda the first couple of times. This isn’t a game which you can pick up and clear your first time through it requires practice, unless of course you have amazing reflexes and can instantaneously analyze every boxers weak point.

Mike Tyson’s Punch-out is a very solid and fun game that I personally would recommend to any fan of NES games, it’s a game which you can pick and put down and once you’ve played it and mastered it you will never forget how to play. The game is a metaphorical bicycle, my father was the one who had me play this game during my younger years, and he himself after not having played the game for over a decade sat down with me to play it and did something that I still haven’t been able to do, he beat Mike Tyson. Long story short you should get this game, it is easily worth the money and if you aren’t a fan of gaming by yourself this is the perfect game for passing the controller around with your friends to see who can get the farthest without being knocked out.

That face Mike Tyson is punching? It’s yours.

The Warriors (PS2, Xbox)

2011-10-23T09:46:00.013-04:00

"CAN YOU DIG IT?!"

A legendary line from a truly legendary film. "The Warriors" is Walter Hill's 1979 adaptation of a novel by the same name written by Sol Yurick. The film follows a New York gang on the run from police and other gangs after being framed for killing Cyrus - the head honcho of all of the crime in New York. It's an action - exploitation masterpiece that is campy, fun, dark, silly, and entertaining as heck. I mean - you've got a gang of guys dressed like pantomime baseball players. Come on! That's so ridiculous that it's awesome.

Ridiculously awesome is exactly what you can expect from the 2005 Rockstar games release of "The Warriors." For those who are unaware - Rockstar games is the company that brought you such classic games as the Grand Theft Auto series, Bully, Red Dead Revolver & Red Dead Redemption, and more. Sure, every once in a while they would put out a game like State of Emergency or Manhunt- but for the most part their record is relatively untarnished. They make action-packed games that usually serve up a bloody-good, politically incorrect time; full of car-chases, exploding heads, locker-room pranks, and wild-west horse-riding action.

Forget weapons! Wanna be bad - better do your situps!

While sharing some similarities to some of the later Grand Theft Auto games and Bully - the game has unique gameplay and some of the absolute best fighting mechanics in any Rockstar game before or since. The Warriors is an action beat-em-up in the classic sense. The game opens up on a cutscene showing the pivotal Cyrus scene from the film and then cuts back 3 months before and sets up the game as a prequel to the film. As with many games in recent years you start out on a training mission in order to get accustomed to the controls - in this case (in classic Rockstar Games form) you are tasked with beating up hobos. This is your first introduction to the fighting/control mechanics and for my money, these are some of the smoothest beat-em-up controls in many years. Similar controls were utilized in Bully about a year later - so if you're used to running around and putting the smack down on kids in that game you shouldn't have much trouble donning the denim red W and getting into it with a slew of bad guys. To me, the controls for Bully were perhaps a step or two backward, as they feel the smoothest here among all of the fighting mechanics from GTA 3 on. There are some rare occasions where your camera might get stuck in a funky spot or your joystick doesn't always respond the way you mean it to when jacking a car stereo or trying not to trip a burglar alarm - but for the most part the controls are balanced and responsive.

Let's dance!

The graphic and music presentation is top-notch and really makes you feel like you're playing the film. Check out those myriad of cutscenes and just how crisp and cinematic they look! For starters, there are seemingly hours of cutscenes that play out like an interactive Criterion collection extended cut of the movie. For a game that's 6 years old and a gaming hardware generation ago - the characters are amazingly lifelike. Remember early PSX or N64 games where the characters you were playing were modeled after athletes or movie characters and they only looked like blocky, near indistinguishable blobs with pasted-on faces? This ain't that. The characters genuinely look like the actors from the film and the settings are skillfully recreated. Sure, old dirty buildings and alleyways are pretty easy to fudge, but once you get to Coney Island it's impressive just how much it looks like the Coney Island represented in the film. The cutscenes rival a game series I already reviewed on this site - Shenmue in their size, scope, and attention to detail. Just watch the opening credits and compare it to the opening of the film. It's practically a shot-for-shot remake of the film.

Yep. Sesame Street taught me to count. Ah-Ah-Ah!

With my past reviews, let's face it; I've been reviewing a lot of 8-bit games. Describing the music has always been a bit challenging (which is pretty sad - seeing as I'm a musician.) Seriously - how many ways can I describe that bleepy-bloppy midi-style Nintendo music? However, with the advent of CD storage in games we got CD-quality music - and The Warriors takes full advantage of that. Rockstar games has had a wonderful track record putting eclectic and altogether awesome soundtracks in their games. Ever get nostalgic for cruising down the strip, getting chased by police, and rockin' some Judas Priest in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City? You more or less get the same feeling here - though I must warn you ahead of time, the soundtrack is a lot less extensive than in the GTA games. What you do get is nearly 20 songs: half of which are taken directly from the soundtrack of the film. By the luck of the randomized fortune - I always wound up with a few songs playing more than others, though it's hard to get tired of the punk-rock face-melting of Fear's "I Love Living in the City" or the catchy, swinging hook (excuse the pun) of Dr. Hook's "When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman." The soundtrack is just one more way in which Rockstar Games got it right. They captured the spirit of the movie by including darn near all of the original soundtrack and matched it with songs that fit the time period and mood of the film seamlessly. The voice work? Top notch. They seem to have gotten most of the cast back to record some lines for the game and in cases where they didn't they matched up well with recorded clips and voice acting to really capture the essence of the film. The attention to detail is amazing.

Like many of Rockstar's games, it's a relatively easy game but has a lengthy enough runtime to make you feel like you've gotten your money's worth. The game supports two-player action in a split-screen format and also offers several unique rumble minigames. You can crack some skulls in a King of the Hill style brawl where you toss other gang members off of the top and maintain your turf - you can rumble with a whole mess of gang members in Army-ing, you can have a tag-off in the Burner Battle or try your hand at a handful of other unique rumble modes. One of my favorite parts of the game is the bonus game you unlock after the main game is over. There's a classic Streets of Rage style brawler tacked into the game in the form of an arcade in your hangout called Armies of the Night. I mean, what's not to love about a beat-em up bonus game, crammed into your much bigger game? Even after your main-game experience is finished there's still plenty to do if you want to grab a friend and rumble down or crack into the arcade game and essentially get your Double Dragon on.

Where's Haggar, Cody and Guy when you need 'em?

The Warriors is a game that has a lot going for it. Sure, it isn't as glossy or well known as its Rockstar brothers Grand Theft Auto IV or Red Dead Redemption, but this game took a movie license and not only gave us a well-rounded action game - they improved on the license by providing backstory and additional plot points as well as a genuinely fun, well crafted interactive experience. It's my favorite movie-license game, my favorite Rockstar game, and quite possibly my favorite game for the PS2. Thumpin' skulls never gets old - so add yourself to the waiting list for this game on either the Xbox or PS2 and get ready to rumble. The streets are cold, the night is dark, and everyone wants the Warriors dead. Make 'em wish they never stepped on your turf.

Smackin' 'round hobos since 2005!

Gargoyle's Quest II (NES)

2011-10-18T00:38:00.019-04:00

As I mentioned in a previous review, Capcom can more or less do no wrong. They created the Mega Man series, they made movie/tv license games that were actually fun, they crushed the arcade with the juggernaut that is the Street Fighter series - but it's another arcade title that took the world by storm with its bizarre bad guys, mammoth difficulty, and near flawless platforming action. That game series is Ghosts 'n Goblins.

Old-school gamers typically remember the Ghosts 'n Goblins series with a fond layer of nostalgia - and for good reason. These games are fun-as-the-day-is-long, challenging as all get-out, colorful and quirky and full of arcade style action. The plot was always really simple and well-worn territory: you control a hero (in this case King Arthur) and you fight hordes of monsters in order to save your captured princess. Sounds sorta familiar, huh? Just like with Mario and Link - his lady just keeps on getting captured! But that's another review for another day. The real question is: "Have you ever wanted to play as one of the monsters?"

If this red guy came down the chimney - the kids would need therapy.

If your answer is "Yes," then Capcom's 1992 entry in the series, "Gargoyle's Quest II" is the game for you! Aside from being a spin-off game about the red gargoyle Firebrand and sharing some familiar enemies - most of the similarities pretty much end right there. The plot revolves around Firebrand, a gargoyle who is living in "a town of the Ghoul Realm, Etruria." If we're going to go along with the history of Ghosts 'n Goblins canon - this game could be seen as a "sequel to a prequel." After all, Firebrand is fighting in a world before human beings exist - so clearly Arthur hasn't come around to start tossing lances at ghosts yet. The plot is relatively similar to the Gameboy title before it - Firebrand must train himself to become a great warrior to fight an evil force that is sweeping through his Ghoul Realm. In this particular game the evil comes in the form of a black light...

No... Not that type of Black Light!

...which makes most of your fellow townsmonsters and your beloved King Morock bite the dust. So Firebrand must travel to different towns, speak to fellow monsters and perform various tasks in order to receive help along the way.

If you owned an NES and wondered, "when the heck did they release Gargoyle's Quest 1?" then you're not alone. I didn't know before recently that the original was a Gameboy exclusive. I always wonder if it confused NES owners back in the day when games like this or Kings Quest V came out and the person never owned a PC or knew anything about the first four games. Also, I wonder if people knew back in the day that this game is an off-shoot of Ghosts 'n Goblins (also something I didn't know until recently.) Makes you wonder.

Just a little grammatically challenged.

The gameplay is an interesting mixed bag. The game can best be described as an "RPG platformer." You will spend quite a bit of your time walking through towns and talking to others or trekking across a map screen ala Final Fantasy, Dragon's Quest, Zelda, and of course - the first game. To be honest - it feels as if these RPG elements are a little undercooked. In the original game you would wind up fighting enemies in random encounters (ala Final Fantasy, Dragon's Quest...etc.) but in Gargoyle's Quest II, the map screens are mostly barren (save for the occasional monster that stands still and only actually spawns a battle if you walk up and talk to them.) Unlike games such as Ultima or Dragon's Quest - it's only barely required of you to talk to townsfolk and there really isn't much more than some hand-holding "You need to go see person A, but bring them item B first" kind of instructions. Anyone looking for really deep, in depth RPG action should probably look elsewhere as it really felt kind of rushed and underdeveloped. Don't get me wrong - it's a really innovative feature for a platformer to feature RPG elements: it just seems like it was pulled off a bit better in the Gameboy version before it. The upswing is that Firebrand moves lightning fast across the maps and through towns - which is a huge bonus to anyone who's slugged their way across a map screen ala Ultima.

Call the Meat Puppets - I finally found the "Lake of Fire!"

The other element to the gameplay is the more traditional Ghosts 'n Goblins style platformer sections; with a few key differences. For starters - Firebrand can glide through the sky (briefly at first) and shoots sparkly fireballs. A lot of your time will be spent clinging to walls ala Ninja Gaiden or Werewolf: The Last Warrior - and the same control frustrations that are in those are present here. IE: I'm too high to jump under this lantern, I'm too low to jump across this pit of spike-balls, I'm gonna have to hit this enemy and hope I don't die in the process, etc. The RPG element rears its head again here in the platformer elements by way of leveling up your stats. When you start the game, Firebrand moves really slowly, jumps a pretty mediocre distance, and can stay flying in the air for about 3 seconds or less. These things can be improved by leveling them up through your questing.

So how does the presentation stack up for this 1992 entry in a truly classic Capcom series? I'm quite impressed by the graphics. The platforming sections are solidly presented with detailed sprites, arcade quality/style graphics and great looking/well constructed levels. This is definitely proof that some of the later NES games really utilized the full capacity of the NES's graphics capabilities. The map/town graphics are impressive because it's one thing to make big sprites and characters to have a lot of shading and detail but to squeeze that into tiny little sprites is truly something! The music is great in the game as well (though not quite as awesomesauce as the older Ghost 'n Goblins games or the original.) The original Gameboy release had an awesome version of the old memorable G & G theme song and this game has music more akin to the Castlevania series. The sound effects are not nearly as impressive - most of the sound effects sound like garbled glitch sounds. I guess it's appropriate for a group of monsters to talk in "Gwwwwaaaaaarrrr" sounds, but it can seriously get grating when text boxes come up.

Err...do what now?!

The game has a medium level of difficulty. Clearing the first couple of platform sections and the first boss is a piece of cake - once you start exploring the forest level, to me, the game begins. Those darn floating, spitting rock heads are the height of annoyance. Firebrand's floating-jump will not only help but become absolutely necessary. Accuracy is crucial and that can be tough starting out as the wall-climbing, short-floating action leaves very little room for error. But most enemies don't put up much of a fight and after the first few stages you'll be more worried about getting knocked off of platforms, falling platforms, or accidentally jumping into pits than worrying about the difficulty of enemies.

Moving, shooting platforms: fun as electroshock therapy!

Gargoyle's Quest II is a really fun and underrated RPG/Platformer hybrid. While I do think there are areas where the developers could have expanded the game's capabilities (IE: the underdeveloped RPG elements) it is a fun, fast entry in the Ghosts 'N Goblins series. Besides, how often do you get to fly around as a big red demon shooting glittery fireballs and climbing walls? This game is available right now through Lukie Games. Give this game a shot! You know you need it for your collection!