What Handheld should I get? Pros and Cons (Gen VII Edition) Part 2-PlayStation Portable

   Way back in 2003 a tiny little handheld was announced during a time when everyone was going on and on about how the future of gaming was in MMORPG’s. Which is kinda’ true, but I’m not here to discuss how eventually we’ll all be wearing virtual reality helmets trying to solve the mystery of your friend falling into a coma. I’m here to talk about a Handheld console that has had almost as many revisions as the Xbox 360. The PlayStation Portable boasted some of the best spec’s of any handheld ever conceived at the time having the prototype GUI of the PS3, the ability to play movies, view pictures, and most importantly it played games with graphics similar to that of late era PlayStation games. Despite boasting such impressive specs and such impressive features the system was marred with a host of design flaws and marketing problems. Aren’t you lucky you have me to explain all this?

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PlayStation Portable

   The PlayStation Portable was Sony’s answer to Nintendo’s long line of successful handhelds originally launched on March 24, 2005 in North America with mixed reactions as many weren’t to thrilled with how much more expensive it was than the Japanese version. Despite retailing at $250 the Sony managed to push 500,000 units in the first week alone. The handheld was revolutionary for its ability to not only play games but act as a sort of media center by being able to play not only games but music and video, it also boasted higher specs than the Nintendo DS and was able to play games at higher resolutions and with better graphical quality. The PlayStation Portable also could utilize WiFi for both local and online play of games similar to the Nintendo DS. If you ever became bored of how the systems interface looked you could download new themes and backgrounds for the system and customize the media icons to make the system more personal.

You’d be surprised at the level of variety.

   The PlayStation Portable went under many revisions with its final form being the recently released PlayStation Vita. Sony has had to deal with many bumps in the road involving both marketing and building its gaming systems. If it isn’t from terrible marketing campaigns, to poor anti-piracy measures they've more or less spent the past decade on a steep learning curve as they’ve been trying to reach the plinth that the other gaming giant Nintendo has been standing proudly on for decades.

   All games on the handheld come in either UMD form or can be downloaded from the PlayStation store and saved onto a seperate memory stick.

Tiny DVD’s, who would’ve thought they’d catch on?

Pros and Cons of the System (Overall)

Pros:

• Media Center: Can be used to play MP3’s, view pictures, and play UMD’s and stream video
• Some good First Party titles: Sony somewhat dropped the ball on the PSP, although they have published some good games they’ve also published lots of shovelware in the form of generic sports and shooting games. But Ratchet and Clank, and Ape Escape more then make up for it?
• High Resolution Screen: 480 × 272 at a 16:9 aspect ratio (widescreen in layman's)
• Decent amount of good third party games: Atlus, Capcom, and Konami have a host of great games on the console from many of their flagship series.
• Region-Free (sans E1000 and PSP Go!): The 1000 – 3000 series can play UMD’s from any region.
• TV-Play: From the 2000 model up the system can be hooked up to a television by using a special TV-out cord
• Multiplayer: The system supports Adhoc and WiFi multiplayer
• WiFi: All the models besides the E1000 have wireless capabilities

Cons:

• Expensive: The PSP (depending on model) can be very expensive
• Shovelware: For every good game there is twenty sports and call of duty games

• Proprietary hardware: The system only accepts specially made power plugs for each individual model, based on the differing shapes and sizes of each console many accessories such as cases and screen protectors need to be rebought for each different model.

• Small Library of games: The PSP does not have the largest video game library boasting only a couple hundred games.
• Hard to repair: Like all things in life PSP’s can break and when they do they come at a price. PSP repair parts are not only expensive (pushing $10-$20 for a new screen alone) they aren’t easy to repair. The process for taking apart and replacing anything is terribly convoluted and not really worth the time of anyone who is inexperienced when it comes to fixing electronics.
• Short Battery Life: All of the PSP’s average between 4-10 hours of battery life. The newer models may be able to last longer if you get a new battery slapped into it.
• Region-Locked: The E1000 and PSP Go! are both region locked. The PSP Go! because you have to use Sony’s online store which only lets you download games for the region you registered with them. The E1000 can only play games for the region it was designed for.

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• PlayStation Portable 1000
• Released: March 24th, 2005

   The first model released, it boasted graphics unseen in the handheld market and the ability to play movies and televisions shows sold in the form of UMD discs. Within the year of its release a system update allowed the handheld to surf the on an opera based browser. If you wanted to be able to use the internets on the PSP you had to make sure that the system was set to it as there is an external switch that alternates between both ad-hoc connections and Wi-Fi. Compared to previous handheld consoles the PSP boasts the crispest, largest, and most colorful display.

   As the first version in the series it sets the bar that many of the redesigns will attempt to surpass, it features Local and Online play through Ad-hoc or a Wi-Fi connection and can play videos and music off of a Memory Stick Pro Duo.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

• Infrared Connection: I could never find a use for it, but some people did by making their PSP’s remotes for their TV’s.
• Metal Frame: The 1000 model has a metal frame and many of the internal parts are made of metal which helps if you are prone to dropping things.
• Cheap: The 1000 model is the cheapest model (used) out of the series
• Wireless Multiplayer: It supports both Adhoc (local) and WiFi multiplayer
• Media Center: It can play movies, music, and pictures
• Download Play: If you have a PSN account you can download games onto a Memory Stick Pro Duo and play them!

Cons:

• Bulky: The PSP – 1000 isn’t the kind of system you just cram into your pocket. Its bulky (and in some manners maybe unwieldy) which is natural considering that its Sony’s first shot at making a handheld.
• Short Battery Life: Unless you buy a high quality new battery it is likely that you will only be getting between 2-6 hours out of your PSP
• Only one flavor: The original PSP only came in a glossy Piano Black 
• Spring Loaded UMD Bay: By pressing a switch the bay pops open, but if its handled to roughly the bay can break.

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• PlayStation Portable  2000
• Released: September 6, 2007

   In at E3 2007 Sony announced their first redesign of the PlayStation Portable which was thinner and boasted a much brighter screen then the previous model. The 2000 model was the beginning of a series of design improvements which trimmed the fat of the console down while adding extra features. The only major improvement internally is that it has double the cache memory of the 1000 model which helps with load times in most of the games. There are  also claims that it has better Wi-Fi connectivity but in my experience I found no noticeable difference between the 1000 and 2000 model. The screen is slightly brighter and the system comes in a variety of flavors and special editions.

   A small aesthetic change is that the UMD door is no longer spring loaded and you manual open and close it, the battery is also slimmer so you can’t swap batteries between the 1000 and 2000 models. A pretty big addition to the handheld is a headphone and video out port so that you can connect the system to a TV which you can play at a whopping 480x320 resolution! :o

Pros and Cons

Pros:

• Low-Profile: The PSP – 2000 is significantly more lightweight and slimmer than the original 1000 model.
• TV-Out: The PSP – 2000 has a combo headphone and video-out port that you can use to connect to a Television using a special cable.
• Fast Load Speeds: The extra cache memory allows the system to load and read games, video, and music faster than the 1000 model
• USB Charging: The 2000 model is the first in the series that allows you to charge the handheld with the any mini-usb
• USB-Computer Connection: You can sort and mess about with the content of the memory stick and even update the system by connecting it to the computer
• Flavor Variety: Blue, Black, Red, White, a host of colors are your to choose from along with several special editions.
• Decent Battery Life: The 2000 one a fresh battery can get between 6 – 8 hours
• Instant Messaging: You can download Skype and chat with your friends. It does not support video even with the Camera add-on.
• Manual UMD Bay: The UMD bay is now manually opened and closed which prevents almost any sort of malfunction involving the drive bay.

Cons:

• Plastic Frame: An odd revision is that that the 2000 model is made entirely out of Plastic which isn’t terribly sturdy and can’t take much of a drop.
• Low Quality Video Out: Even though the system has video-out it isn’t high quality by any stretch of the imagination and is letterboxed.

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• PlayStation Portable 3000
• Released: October 14th 2008

   Physically the 3000 model seems almost identical to the 2000 but the handheld has an even brighter screen with better refresh rates than its predecessors. The Screen on the handheld is coated in an anti-glare material so that you can play games under even the most obnoxious of lights The console also has a small microphone now built in and so that when you scream at the system for freezing while you try to play Mobile Suit Gundam Crossfire it can actually hear it. Besides the better screen the innards of the system are basically the same and I noticed no improvements in the playing of games compared to the previous two consoles.

Some owners have complained of screen tearing issues.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

• Everything from the 2000 model: The 3000 model retains all of the features of the 2000 while adding new ones
• Microphone: The PSP – 3000 comes with a fully working microphone
• Anti-Glare Screen: The screen of the handheld has an anti-glare film that eliminated the most common problem with handheld gaming, the reflection caused by the sun. Now you can game at any time of the day with no real hassle!
• Improved screen: The screen of the 3000 is brighter and features much more vibrant color then the 1000 and 2000 models

Cons

• Screen Tearing: There have been reports of screen tearing during regular play. Screen tearing is when during regular use lines temporarily appear on the LCD that can impede gameplay.
• Microphone: Despite having a functional microphone no known game released in North America utilizes it. It can be used for some homebrew games though.

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• PlayStation Portable E1000
• Released: Sometime in 2011

Disclaimer: This is a PAL console but it is technically a revision so I’m including it for posterity.

   The E1000 isn’t a rerelease of the 1000 line, it’s actually a budget model retailing a paltry $99. How could the get away with such a low low price? Well they did that by removing every single piece of extra hardware and software from the console giving you a barebones experience. Have you ever hated how fingerprints so easily stare back at you when you play a system with a glossy finish? Well the E1000 is the only PSP to have a Matte finish which prevents that scenario from ever becoming reality. The entire back part of the system is one big foldout drive for the UMD which in my opinion is an odd design choice.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

• Cheap: The E1000 is the cheapest (new) PSP on the market
• Lightweight: The E1000 is the lightest and slimmest of the PSPs (mostly because of all the things that were removed)
• Decent Screen: Unlike the 3000 model the E1000 doesn’t have any of the screen tearing issues but has a screen that is just as vibrant and bright.

Cons

• No Wifi: The E1000 only supports local multiplayer and does not have the ability to utilize WiFi for either online play or for surfing the internet.
• No Microphone: Oddly the E1000 doesn’t feature a microphone.
• Plastic Frame: It feels cheap, and I don’t think it could take a drop very well.

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• PlayStation Portable GO!
• Released: October 1rst 2009

   Real Talk: I have no idea what Sony was thinking on this one. So the PSP Go is a radical redesign of the console for I assume Sentai heroes. The system is significantly thinner then all of the other models and features a slide-out design similar to modern texting phones. Long gone is the UMD drive and separate battery, both replaced with an internal rechargeable battery and a 16gb hard drive. Sony made it very clear in designing the system they wanted you to purchase games from their online store and download them to the console, especially the PSone classics which it was campaigning very heavily.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

• Compact: For the hero on the go you can fit this in even the tightest of tights. Seriously though its pretty small.
• Designed for the hero on the go: It’s the only logical explanation for its existence.
• Internal Storage: It features 16gb of internal memory for saving your downloaded games.
• Decent Battery Life: You can get up to 10 hours of usage on a full charge
• Bluetooth: If you have a device that supports bluetooth controllers you can use the PSP Go! as one.

Cons

• Digital Download only: If you like the PlayStation Network then you’ll love the fact that you can only download games onto the system.
• No UMD support: You might as well toss out those UMD’s because the Go! can’t use em’

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Final Verdict

   My personal recommendation will always be original 1000 model due to its durability and low price point. HOWEVER! I understand that it does not have many of the features of the later models, such as instant messaging, access to Sony’s PSone classics, and the fastest of load times. Objectively I’d say the best bang for your buck is the PSP 2000. It has not only a host of features but you can get it in different colors and special edition variants. I cannot in good conscience recommend the PSP Go! or the E1000 they both take away so much from the PSP experience while replacing it with nothing substantial.

PSP – 2000 is best PSP

PSP Trivia: The PSP Go!’s design was used to create Sony’s Xperia Play line of smartphones.

NINJATENDO Pt 1: How the Ninja Craze Hit the NES Era in a Big Bad Way

Television, Film, Video Games, and Music. The foundations of our media-oriented society and the building blocks of a mutual relationship that society has with its entertainment. Many can argue that trends in entertainment have a profound impact on societal trends, and others could argue the opposite. It can lead to a "chicken versus the egg" conundrum of what came first; the popularity of cheesy polyester leisure suits or the popularity of Miami Vice. All I know is that I worship at the altar of Don Johnson and don't trust anyone who doesn't.

So here I present a "chicken and the egg" question: how, why, when, where did America pick up its fascination with ninjas? Somewhere in the 1980's, films and video games were overrun with "Ninja" this or "Ninja" that. My best guess is that the success of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles played a key role in everything in the late 80's to early 90's being Ninja-centric, at least over here in America. You had films like Revenge of the Ninja, Ninja Vengeance, 3 Ninjas, Surf Ninjas, American Ninja, Zombie Vs Ninja, and more. Everything was ninja, ninja, ninja.

Circa 1992, every 5th movie I watched on Showtime was like this...

So naturally, much like every cold-war era Atari or Intellivision game being named "Space" something or "Star" something, you had no less than at least 10 Nintendo games that are directly related to the dark, mysterious art of Ninjutsu. Some of the games were groundbreaking and hugely influential (the Ninja Gaiden series) and others are confoundingly confusing (The Last Ninja.) Let's dig in!

Truth in advertising! You jump through trees and everyone wants you dead!

Legend of Kage: In 1985, Taito released an arcade game that, while kind of primitive now; is a strangely addictive action platformer. You play as the ninja Kage trying to save your princess from her evil captors by running through the forest, jumping through trees with amazing, Crouching Tiger Flying Daggers-style wire-fu leaps that no mere mortal could possibly make normally without a Game Genie. You have to slash your way through a sea of faceless nemeses that all want to kill you. Occasionally they drop power ups which will help you upgrade your outfit to a different color allowing you more hit points. It's a generally common and inexpensive game so I definitely think it's necessary for your collection.

Grandma, this is sooooo NOT Ninja Gaiden!

Wrath of the Black Manta: Taito did a damn good job with striking gold on Legend of Kage. It's not in the top 10 games for the NES, but it's one of the better common titles from the 8 bit era. So you would think that in 1989 when they released Wrath of the Black Manta, that the game would rock the world. Sadly, that's not the case. Wrath of the Black Manta is a bland, by-the-books action scroller/platformer where you control a rather slow, clunky ninja through hordes of faceless enemies. It's nowhere near as lifeless as say; the Schwarzenegger games, Lethal Weapon and the like; but it's still nothing to write home about. That being said, it's a common and affordable title so one couldn't really complain about the reasonable price-point.

Do all ninjas have random thugs walking around in their dojos?

The Last Ninja: This 1990 port of the sequel to 1987's The Last Ninja for the Commodore 64 is a strange game. The game definitely shows its Commodore 64 roots in the graphics and gameplay department. It is absolutely fair to call this game "unique" because it is unlike any other NES game I have ever played. The player controls a ninja in an isometric 3d environment trying to dispatch with bad guys and solve basic puzzles to unlock doors and advance further in the game. There is a relatively open world to explore here for a Nintendo game and there is danger around every corner. The closest comparison I can make to a popular game would be the early Alone in the Dark titles. As with those games, there are problems arising from hit-detection errors and overall clunky controls. I can only imagine this game would play much smoother with a joystick (haven't tried it with the NES Advantage - perhaps you guys and gals should!) as I'm sure it would have been played on the commodore 64. This makes enemies tough to kill and puzzles difficult to solve, leading to some frustrating and confusing moments.  It's one of the more unique items on the list and should be played. I cautiously recommend it: it's often aggravating, but fun.

It's like Chubby Cherub, but fun!

Ninja Kid: Moving from a very atypical NES game to a very prototypical one, we get Tose's 1986 action-platformer, Ninja Kid. Upon first glance, our main hero looks very familiar. Could it be...? Yes, it is more or less the same sprite as the lovable ghost/cherub from Tose's Chubby Cherub! While both games came out around the same time here in the states, Chubby Cherub actually predates Ninja Kid, and boy is it obvious. That's not to say that Ninja Kid is drastically different than Chubby Cherub (both have similarly primitive graphics and similar arcade style gameplay) but the areas where Chubby Cherub fails (it is incredibly frustrating, random, and difficult) Ninja Kid succeeds. The controls are relatively tight, the platforming elements are rudimentary but serviceable for an arcade style scroller, and the enemies don't seem to block off your path and cheap shot you as much as in Chubby Cherub.

Those evil, evil dogs!

Ninja Kid does feel amazingly dated, but is a lot of fun in a similar style to the first Goemon game. Run around, jumping between platforms, shoot at enemies, wash, rinse, and repeat. There are minibosses and a map screen between levels that allows you to pick which level you want to play first. It's a lot of fun and is relatively dirt cheap compared to its uncommon sibling Chubby Cherub, so I recommend picking this one up!

New APP coming: Zen: Intergalactic Fruit Ninja!

Zen: Intergalactic Ninja: Rounding out this segment of ninja-related fare, we have Konami's 1993 action game Zen: Intergalactic Ninja. Based on a comic book that nobody I know has ever read, Zen focuses on a super-powered test-tube Ninja who is fighting the vile, despicable Lord Contaminous on his crusade to pollute the planet. Subtle job there, Message Hammer...really subtle. The action in Zen: Intergalactic Ninja is split into a couple of styles: one is reminiscent of games such as Isolated Warrior; an isometric 3d style environment where it is Zen versus robots, pitfalls, and the clock. A few stages are broken up into an action platforming game ala GI Joe, Batman, and a million others and there is also a railway car stage ala the Battletoads spaceship racer stage. The action is fluid and fast, the graphics are slightly muddy, but overall decent and the music is truly rockin'. The problem with Zen? It's a tough grind. In the isometric stage: the same problem that Isolated Warrior, Gremlins 2, and many other games with this perspective plagues Zen: a problem I like to call "the I-swear-I-made-that-jump!" issue. This particular perspective lends itself to a lot of second guessing when it comes to how close or far you are from the moving platform you're trying to land on or the bomb/laser/enemy you're trying to avoid or kill. It's not impossible, but can provide a lot of frustrating moments! The platforming stages are much more forgiving but still provide a huge challenge as everything is trying to kill you at once. Even though the difficulty level is relatively high, I recommend Zen: Intergalactic Ninja for your collection based on the variety of gameplay and originality. It is one of the more uncommon games on the list and is priced accordingly, but if you like a challenge and a bit of variety in your games, you can't go wrong here.

That's just round one of this two part series on Ninja games for the NES. Stay tuned as we recap some of the heaviest of heavy hitters and a few more hidden gems. You won't want to miss it!

Special thanks to my buddy James for the idea!

NES essentials 12 Games everyone should have in their collections

So you are considering purchasing a Nintendo Entertainment System, well congrats on getting the console that highlighted the best the post-video game crash era had to offer. The Nintendo is definitely a fine choice for a gaming machine due to its long shelf life relative ease of maintenance and the large community of homebrewers who still make and release new games for the platform. With your purchase I am sure you are wondering what games are worth both my time and money as a consumer and have the highest chance of getting the most possible enjoyment out of your brand new console. Presuming that you are a new purchaser and not a veteran who owned the console long ago during its heyday this list will include a wide range of titles some you may have heard of and some lesser known titles that are definitely worth buying. 

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#1 Super Mario Brothers

Quintessentially the most played and best selling game for the platform. You can find it in a variety of flavors as either a standalone or as part of one of many multi-cart variants. Super Mario Brothers is a platforming game broken up into eight unique worlds each with four parts that end in a battle with Bowser (AKA King Koopa, AKA Rhyme Masta’ Turts). As far as platforming games go the game is fairly easy to adapt to and has a very nice difficulty curve up until the last two worlds when the game switches into insane mode. The game controls very tightly and lacks the cheap deaths that have become so common in modern games. You can pick up a copy of this game on the cheap from Lukie Games or from most second hand shops with relative ease.

If you like Super Mario Brothers you may also like: Super Mario Brothers 2. or Super Mario Brothers 3 for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Super Mario 2 is quite different from the original game and three because its just a palette swap another game and called DokiDoki Panic and plays exactly the same as it. Super Mario Brothers 3 however plays just like the original just with the addition of suits that give you special abilities and that you can now hold koopa shells in your hands and toss them. If you are more intimately familiar with the arcade game Mario Bros. that is also available for the NES.

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#2 The Legend of Zelda

When it comes to adventure games the Legend of Zelda is definitely one of the tops it has non-linear gameplay a variety of secrets and puzzles loads of weapons. You have over eight dungeons to explore that you can go to in any order you want, and once you get the whistle or raft the entire world of Hyrule is your oyster. The Legend of Zelda is challenging as the enemies in the game play for keeps and when you die there are stiff penalties like losing your shield or rupees. The only real flaw the game has is its limited soundtrack as it only have a few songs that loop infinitely and can become grating after a long enough period of time has elapsed.

If you like The Legend of Zelda you may also like: Zelda II The Adventure of Link, Crystalis, or Faxanadu. All three of these games features similar High Fantasy settings a new fangled action oriented battle system where you gain experience by defeating enemies and level up while at the same time providing a similar experience to that of the original Zelda game. If you want a game that is nearly identical to it you can try Willow which plays almost identically while following the story of the movie Willow.

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#3 Donkey Kong

Technically Mario's first appearance when he was still but a lowly carpenter from New York trying to save his girlfriend from a giant rampaging Ape this game stars him as he jumps over barrels and climbs ladders. It’s a decent port (especially when compared to the other ports) of the arcade game Donkey Kong and comes in a variety of flavors just like the original Super Mario Bros. game. You can get it as a multi cart with both it and Donkey Kong Jr. on it or as a stand alone. If you want an authentic arcade experience this is one of the games that will give you that feeling as it feels like playing the arcade version of Donkey Kong albeit with NES graphics.

If you like Donkey Kong you may also like: Donkey Kong Jr., Donkey Kong 3, and Wrecking Crew are all arcade style games, DK Jr. and DK 3 are sequels to the the Arcade hit Donkey Kong and are just as fun as the first while introducing new mechanics and gameplay elements. DK Jr. has you climbing vines and dropping fruit on enemies in order to defeat them, while DK 3 has you using a can of bug spray to defeat bugs that want only to murder the hell out of you Galaga style. Wrecking Crew features Mario during his days as a construction worker where he spent his time breaking down walls and doors. Wrecking Crew is kind of like a combination of Burgertime and Bomberman where you have to destroy specific objects in order to advance while enemies chase you around the stage and up and down ladders.

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#4 Dragon Warrior

Ridiculous outfits! Random Encounters! Level Grinding! Three staples of the JRPG and this is the game that started it all. With an amazing soundtrack, many colorful enemies and lots of Olde English this game is a must have for anyone who likes a good traditional JRPG buts wants to experience the game that allowed us ‘muricans to be able to play our Persona’s and Final Fantasies. For the person who hasn’t played a JRPG before I must warn you that the game is only like four or five hours long, but you will spend hours level grinding. You will fight slimes, lots of slimes! Slimes of all different shapes and colors and sizes, some will be royalty and others will have funny hats! If you aren’t a fan of Olde English or odd writing styles the game has plenty of it and in my opinion it adds to the charm of the game.

If you like Dragon Warrior you may also like: Final Fantasy, Little Ninja Brothers, and Star tropics all are excellent examples of the best the system has to offer in the the JRPG genre. All three star a protagonist with a silly hat who has a destiny that says he has to save the world, similarities end there as each has a different setting and slightly different battle systems.

 

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#5 Wizardry: Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord

If you are more a fan of Dungeon and Dragons then the Wizardry series is definitely the game for you, you roll characters and go on an epic dungeon crawling adventure full of crazy enemies and unforgiving bosses. The thing that makes Wizardry unique is that once your entire team is wiped out you are forced to make a new team your entire team is now considered dead. In some versions of the game you can find, loot, and/or revive your old team and can then switch freely between your parties. Wizardry is a slow starting game though as rolling a good character can be quite hard as the points you get to distribute to build your character are randomly generated so making and deleting characters is half the fun of the game.

If you like western RPG’s like Wizardry you may also like: Wizardry II, Serpents and Swords, or Advanced Dungeon and Dragons All of which play almost identically and use the DND standards for making characters and building their respective worlds. If you like rolling imaginary dice all three of these games are full of these rolls from making characters to determining whether or not a sewer rat crits and slays your entire party. For those looking for a more lighthearted alternative A Bard Tale is full of humor and plays like a combination of Ultima and Wizardry while maintaining a steady influx of dick jokes.

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#6 Wizards & Warriors

Jumping. Wizards and Warriors is like 90% jumping. You want to kill an enemy? You jump. You want to advance to a new area? You’ll have to jump to that shit. Wizards and Warriors is an old favorite of mine where you play Kuros a Knight who sets out to defeat the evil wizard Malkil by jumping through trees and collecting keys that open chests that contain either weapons that augment your attacks or treasure. Unlike Ghosts and Goblins where any time you pickup a weapon it becomes your main attack in this the weapons you pick up are flung about whenever you attack with your sword. i.e. If you have the knife it will be thrown forward and will then return to the player and repeats whenever you swing your sword.

If you like Wizards and Warriors you may also like: Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II, and Wizards & Warriors III: Kuros: Visions of Power, both play very similarly to the original game while adding new conventions like item shops and a money system.

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#7 Ninja Gaiden

One of the most contested things of the 90’s was the pronunciation of this game, was it Ninja “GAY-den” or “GUY-den”? School yards and arcades were rife with kids debating the hot button issue. Inevitably everyone found out that it was pronounced “Guy-den” and everyone immediately stopped caring. You play as Ryu Hayabusa on his quest to discover the mystery of a mysterious letter from his mysteriously missing father who is quite a mystery. You jump and you slice with your sword while being subject to some of the most bitchin’ cutscenes on the NES. The most notable thing about Ninja Gaiden is that it is so insanely difficult especially on the sixth level which is what I presume hell to be like.

If you like Ninja gayden then you may also like: Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos, Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom, and Strider three games are action platformers where you jump and slash. In the Ninja Gaiden you also have items to help you and and magic jutsu-spell things you can activate to help yourself. Strider is all about jumping and slashing as well but you can hang on walls and shit which is awesome. Warning all the Ninja Gaiden games are hard as all get out.

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#8 Kickle Cubicle

A puzzle game by Irem originally for the Arcades and later ported to the Nintendo Entertainment System. You play as Kickle who must collect dream bags in order to save the people of fantasy land from the Wicked Wizard King who has turned everything to ice. The objective of each stage is to get the dream bag(s) by freezing your enemies and using their corpses to create bridges or to destroy other enemies. Kickle Cubicle is a pretty long game with over 30+ levels each requiring you to approach your goal in a certain way in order to succeed.

If you like Kickle Cubicle you may also like: You will most likely enjoy some of the consoles other big puzzle games like Tetris, Warriors Woods, Lolo and Bubble Bobble. Tickle your brain and show off your mad puzzle skills to friends as all of these games feature either a scoring system or multiplayer so you can show off!

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#9 North & South

What are the things everyone likes? Strategy Games and the Civil War, especially when the civil war is based on a Belgian comic series about the American Civil War similar in style to Beetle Baily. The objective of the game is to unite the eastern coast of North America. You can play as either the Confederates or the Union and there are multiple elements that can be disabled and enabled to make the game more challenging like having storms that prevent units from moving or Native Americans who destroy units on certain states. All battles take place in real time and whenever you go to capture a fortress the game suddenly becomes a side scrolling platformer as you try to get to the enemy flag before time runs out. North & South is an interesting experience, one that I have yet to experience while playing any other strategy game.

If you like North & South you may also like: Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Genghis Kahn, Wallstreet Kid, and Overlord. Although a lot less whimsical then North & South all of these strategy games offer deep immersive gameplay that will make you lose track of time faster then you can say Anglo-Zanzibar War.

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#10 Kirby's Adventure

He’s cute, he’s cuddly, and he's pink! Kirby’s Adventure is the second game in the Kirby series and is a port of Kirby’s Dreamland for the Gameboy with improved graphics and and the for the first time ever copy abilities. Kirby’s Adventure is a cutesy platforming game with about a pink walking blob that seeks to consume all living things, what's not to love? The game is fairly easy and is a great introduction to the rest of the Kirby series as many of the current conventions of the newer games originated here.

If you like Kirby’s Adventure you may also like: Happiness, because only a person who is truly in touch with the universe can truly appreciate how perfect the Kirby games are.

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#11 Darkwing Duck

Darkwing Duck is based on the Television series of the same name is the result of a joint venture between Capcom and Disney where Capcom would get rights to their games and was the sole creator of Disney games for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It is likely that you are also aware of Ducktales for the Nintendo as its apparently much more popular, but I submit to you that Darkwing Duck is the superior game. Darkwing Duck takes the conventions of Megaman but makes everything less soul crushingly difficult and more fun. Just like with Megaman you start off with a stage select screen but instead of unlocking weapons by defeating bosses you obtain them over the course of a stage and some you even start with, you also are given the ability to duck, block, and hang three things absent from any other traditional Megaman style game. Basically this game is Megaman only better all you do is jump and shoot.

If you like Darkwing Duck then you may also like: Megaman, Megaman 5, and Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers all three are action platformers the Megaman games play identically to Darkwing Duck but Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers stands out as it features a not only a multiplayer feature but lacks the jump and shoot gameplay of the Megamans. In Chip and Dale you throw crates and other items that you pick up throughout the stage in order to wage battle.

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#12 R.C. Pro-Am

If you happen to occasionally feel the need for speed, then R.C. Pro-Am will likely cure that urge! You start off in the minor leagues driving some sort of jeep and you upgrade your machine by picking up the random car parts strewn about the track. This is likely the best racing game on the Nintendo, the only major flaw is a lack of multiplayer Despite lacking multiplayer it still offers a great experience as it’s one of the first racing games to allow you to destroy other cars while racing by picking up and using weapons laying all around the course.

If you like R.C. Pro-Am you may also like: Spy Hunter, Excite Bike, Knight Rider, Stunt Kids, or R.C. Pro-AM II. These games will curb your need to be fast! In Spy Hunter you are racing along a long stretch of road attempting to avoid being taking down by the Police before you reach your destination. Excite Bike and Stunt Kids are all about the tricks as you ramp all the things! Knight Rider and Pro-Am II are both racing games that are all about using weapons to get yourself in first place.

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Honorable Mentions

Important message for our Canadian customers regarding free shipping

As some of you are aware the USPS is raising shipping prices to Canada 60-120% later this month. No, that's not a typo, rates are in many cases more than doubling. Mailing a single game first class will cost almost $8, Priority will be $27.40. We've ran the numbers every way we can and unfortunately it is not possible for us to offer free shipping to Canada once these rate increases take effect. We would lose money on most orders.

There is some good news however! Thanks to your support we are currently shipping almost 300 orders a day to Canada. This allows us to work with a shipping consolidator and get discounted rates that cost far less than the regular USPS rates. We will continue to pass all the savings we get on to you (and then some). When you shop at Lukie Games your shipping costs will be 33-60% less than normal. For example while you may have to pay $8 to ship a single game elsewhere we will be able to ship it to you for just $2.95.

The new shipping rates go into effect Jan 25th. If you want a game (or especially a system) order it now while we can still give you free shipping!

Die Hard (NES)

Buy yourself a copy or add your name to be notified here!

Here we go again: the holiday season! You've only got a few days left to wrap those gifts, gang! In order to take your mind off of the holiday doldrums, here's a game that is very peripherally related to Christmas. For some reason that I can't fathom, there really aren't that many games appropriate for the holidays. Aside from the bible games on the Nintendo and the occasional PC game hack or add-on that adds Santa hats to everything from Lemmings to Team Fortress snipers - there really isn't much in the Christmas game department. So here I am plumbing the limited well of Die Hard games to celebrate our snowy season!

So when we last left our grizzled hero John McClane: he was trudging through the original trilogy of Die Hard flicks in 1996's "Die Hard Trilogy" for the Playstation. A game that I recommended only based on the relatively low price point and the fact that you get 3 different games in 1 which was a novel idea and you could tell that the programmers really tried with that game. That game didn't hold up over the years but the NES is timeless, right? Surely this game should hold up much better than the pixelly, polygonal mess of sludgy Playstation-era gaming.

It's no mystery that movie licensed games are hit-or-miss and perhaps no system has more misses than the NES. Lethal Weapon, Total Recall, Terminator, Jaws, Rambo, Platoon, Friday the 13th: these are all games that I hold some quirky nostalgia for, but are ultimately terrible cash-ins. That being said, any of the Capcom Disney games were usually a success and Taito did a decent job with the Hannah Barbera stuff. Hell, even Willow was decently executed. So the question is: can Activision do what LJN, Bandai, or Sony Imagesoft were unable to do? Can they actually make a true-to-cinema representation of Die Hard?

Yes.

and No.

err...maybe.

...and figure out what this buffoon is actually trying to say!

Ok, let's get this right out of the way because it's necessary to put this game into context. This game is hard. I'm not just talking "Nintendo hard," this game is an unrelenting hail of bullets coming straight at your face. When I do these reviews I usually either tackle games that I've already beaten or gotten far enough along that I could easily give you guys and gals the gist of the entire experience. This game is so taxing that I have to admit - I had no choice but to call in the Genie. That's right: I'm a cheap, tawdry, tart in a pink tu-tu. A filthy, no good, down-and-out cheater. You may not respect me in the morning, but at least I got past the first floor. Let's continue.

So many objects on the screen that my NES is having a seizure!

Stylistically speaking, this game is very reminiscent of Alien Syndrome meets Gauntlet. A top-down perspective shooter where it's you versus 40 terrorists. The objectives are such: defeat all of the 40 terrorists, free the hostages on the thirtieth floor, knock out the security computer on floor 5 and defeat Hans the mastermind. So far, so good. The game takes many elements from the film and doesn't add a lot of useless, nonsensical fluff like most movie and tv tie-in games. There aren't pacman ghosts, spiders, dragons or anything that John McClane wouldn't have reasonably faced in the movie. Broken glass is one of the only main obstacles outside of gun-toting thugs and even that has a connection to the film.

                                              God Bless Youtube. Video by user ccnipper


So overall, one could argue that the game is a decent film tie-in based on the relative accuracy, the decently rendered cutscene graphics, and the fast action. However, the difficulty level of the game really mars the enjoyment level. Enemies pop out of dark corners from seemingly nowhere and will fire off bullets in all directions like a "bullet hell" style Shmup. They have a seemingly endless supply of bullets and have no trouble hitting you with most of them. YOU on the other hand are saddled with being able to shoot in awkward 90 or 45 degree angles with no real fluidity or finesse. This is predictable and expected of an NES game, but why can't the enemies be saddled with similar restraints. Or better yet, why can't the easy mode be easier? One of the only main differences between the two modes of easy or difficult is the randomization of floors. There are plenty of powerups in the game that can heal your hitpoints or foot power, but getting past the enemies and to a vending machine or medkit can be a struggle in and of itself - coupled with the fact that any corner that isn't in your immediate periphery is blacked out until you reach it.

Monkey statues = awesome

Another main downfall of the game is that the replayability level is relatively low. Unlike similarly oriented action games such as Zombies Ate My Neighbors, Alien Syndrome, Smash TV, or The Immortal: there's just not much variety waiting around the next corner. One relatively stale office room or boardroom after another, filled with tough to kill, generic bad guys, and no real room traps aside from the ability to accidentally plummet out of the windows or run into some broken glass and cut your tootsies up. In all of the other aforementioned games, there's danger, excitement, surprises around the corner. Here, there's a bearded bad guy movie cliche' on a two-way radio that gives you the heads up that more nondescript goons are coming to drain the last of your limited ammo and health.

But all of the gauze in the world won't cure his athlete's foot!

Overall, Die Hard is a reasonably successful game. If a challenge is what you're looking for, you will get that in spades. It doesn't have the deepest plot in the world, but neither did the movie. As Todd Snider once said in his song "Tension," "After the bad guy killed off all of the underdeveloped characters, the good guy put a bullet right through his head." The graphics are definitely serviceable, the music is a little grating at times but not a tragedy of Color Dreams proportions, and the fact that the game sticks relatively close to the film without veering off into the no man's land of nonsense game developer fantasies (I'm looking at YOU Nightmare on Elm Street) all add up to a licensed game that isn't perfect but definitely has promise. It's better than Dick Tracy, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Gilligan's Island, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Karate Kid, Best of the Best, and Platoon, so that's saying something. It's a bit on the pricier side (being an uncommon title) but would be a good action game to have for any NES collector. Happy Holidays and Yippie Ki Yay, Lukie Gamers!

Friday the 13th (NES)

SPOILER: You can’t destroy him because he’ll always come back in the sequel.

In the spirit of the season I decided that I would try out playing some licensed horror games. I thought to myself, “Hey Friday the 13th was a pretty good movie I’m sure they probably made some halfway decent games!” Well I was wrong, horribly… horribly… wrong. I played Friday the 13th for the Nintendo Entertainment System which was published by LJN studios which apparently is a pretty loathed publishing company. I can definitely see merit in disliking games published by LJN as I can safely say that Friday the 13th is an objectively bad game just like a vast majority of other titles put out by LJN. I personally am a big fan of the horror genre and I like to try and play as many games in that genre as possible everything from Alone in the Dark to Amnesia the Dark Descent but this game is something completely different. Very rarely do I find video games bad in the same sense as bad movies but just like how the movie Insidious was an awful sham of a horror film Friday the 13th for the NES is a terrible sham of a horror game.

And live with the memory of having played some of the worst games to ever exist.

 

In Friday the 13th you play as one of six possible Camp Counselors George, Mark, Paul, Laura, Debbie, and Crissy. Any of those names ring a bell? No? That’s because none of them are characters from the movie this game is supposedly based off. The objective of the game is to succeed at not dying for three entire days and nights all the while having to prevent Jason from killing the counselors and the children residing in the camp. In total you have access to six counselors to play as who effectively act as your lives as anytime you die you can just switch to another counselor. After all six are gone you lose the game. There are multiple areas you can travel through each with its own gimmick like how left is right when traveling on the main road, the interiors of cabins are third person dungeon crawlers and how the forest is a ridiculous maze that you should never even consider entering. In order to "win" the game you will have to enter the cabins at some point and you will have to travel along the road throwing rocks at zombies the entire way, but the forest you can totally avoid and I recommend this highly. In several attempts at play-throughs the main reason I lost was because I tried to use the forest as a short cut to get to another area but wound up getting lost  every time as each area looks identical which is a pretty big problem considering the entire thing is broken up into many sub areas that link into one another.

Honestly the kids in the cabins the woods were as good as dead anyway.

I'll give the game credit in that the controls are fairly responsive but the gameplay itself is horrendous. The player has two different ways of avoiding being horribly murdered by the hordes of undead, a jump, and the ability to throw rocks these would be great if they were useful. Now bear with me for a moment. One would assume that its hard to flub something as simple as giving the player the ability to jump and attack enemies but LJN messed that up. The starting weapon is a rock that does barely any damage and makes fighting zombies let alone Jason an impossibility as it does so little damage and lacks any sort of stun ability that it might as well be the cane in Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. The jumping despite being fairly responsive is pretty useless as the zombies operate on Ghosts and Ghouls logic where they will pop-up underneath you and in proximity of wherever you land after jumping. Once you get inside a house everything changes into a round of dungeon crawling ala Wizardry where you navigate cabins and pick up and use items in order to further objectives and prevent Jason from killing you.

George + Knife = Happy Face? Maybe he’s the real killer.

I’m going to level with you. This game is so god awful I wouldn’t recommend it by any stretch of the imagination to anyone but a collector or the hardiest of retro gamers. It is likely that there are some features that I may not have discovered during my playtime of Friday the 13th despite having played the game to completion once and having played to failure a plethora of times having admitted this I want to assure you all that I found this game to be terrible in all regards, but it is playable. If you try hard enough and you make sure you draw out a map as you travel through the forest or the cabins then your chances of beating the game grow exponentially. I’d recommend that if Jason pops up as you are traveling from cabin to cabin that you run as the likelihood of you beating him without having picked up the knife is pretty low. Remember kids, LJN is bad and they should feel bad.

Especially because they apparently can’t comprehend that animals aren’t blue.

Normy's Beach Babe-O-Rama (Genesis)

Buy it NOW! If you're man enough...

Anyone who's been following my game reviews up until this point would notice that I really dig the obscure, oddball, under-the-radar, so-bad-they're-awesome types of games. After all, I even recommended Power Piggs of The Dark Age, which by all accounts is a less than perfect platformer with a ridiculously oddball premise. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that I have rented and owned some very goofy games in my time and the Sega Genesis kept me busy with plenty of strange games with off-the-wall plots. So if I tell you that there's actually a Sega Genesis game called "Normy's Beach Babe-O-Rama"; it should not only come as little surprise, but that I've certainly played it before.

Back in 1994, Electronic Arts released Normy's Beach Babe-O-Rama. The premise is this: you play as Normy the beach bum who has to travel through space and time (with the help of your trusty magic suntan lotion - don't ask...) to save all of the hot beach babes from space aliens. Oh, and your beach is going to get turned into a Toxic Waste Dump. In the immortal words of Duke Nukem: "Nobody steals our chicks...and lives!" The game is a standard platformer (that plays much like Bubsy) where you can run, jump, and attack with wacky weapons like a boxing glove mallet, a chicken (I kid you not,) a beaver,  and other crazy items. You travel to different time periods/locales such as BC-era Jersey, Medieval London, and even travel through Hell (with the cutsier, less offensive title of "Heck.")

Get Away From Her, You...err...Mean ol' Aliens.

For a relatively unknown game by small-ish developer Realtime Associates, the graphics are surprisingly good. They fall somewhere between the aforementioned Power Piggs of the Dark Ages (mostly in style,) Awesome Possum, and the Beavis and Butthead games (of which Realtime Associates made the Super NES version!) Funny and fluid animations, colorful characters and great use of shading - this game does a good job of representing the cartoonier graphics the Sega Genesis was known for. The music and sound effects, however, is just a little more lackluster. The intro music is actually well done, but the level songs are a little less developed - just chirpy synth music that kind of gets grating after a while along with the distorted sound effects. Sonic the Hedgehog this ain't. That being said, I've heard a lot worse sound from games with bigger budgets so I'll give it a C+ for effort.

We are the Knights that go - meh?

One of the only main complaints I have with the game outside of the sound is the controls. Sadly, they are a little stiff. The game is far from unplayable, but the controls feel a little slippery/imprecise (ie: Taito's Flintstones/Jetsons games for the NES, the aforementioned Bubsy, etc.) Sometimes you'll swear that you cleared a jump but find yourself just shy of it. The run mechanic sometimes got me into more trouble than it helped, but overall the game is very playable. I actually want to hand it to the developers for their clever weapon choices and the effectiveness of the attack. I often didn't expect my hit to connect against an enemy and it did: which is more than I can say for a lot of other obscure, lower-budget platformers.

Power Pigg? Wrong game, buddy!

This game is basically one part Leisure Suit Larry, two parts Bubsy and a sprinkling of Power Piggs and Green Dog for good measure. The graphics and humor are the high points of this game and I recommend it to anyone who likes slightly obscure and totally bonkers games for the Genesis. The controls and sound are passable but wont wow you - but if you're looking for a fun platformer that doesn't require a lot of upper-level thinking, this is the game for you.

"Come Sail Away! Come Sail Away! Come Sail Away With Me!"